Fed up of asking for commitment and time

[Youredoingmyheadin]

I’m in a situation with someone I adore who is not offering what I want. I seem to have become a late night booty call and the actual dates/ phone calls have stopped instead with a heavy reliance on messaging. I haven’t met friends or family after six months. He won’t add me to social media yet posts everyday and has hundreds of online friends.

I walked away a couple of months ago and was getting to a stage of acceptance despite being upset but then he chased me again with full on attention and time and the cycle restarted. I’m scared to lose him.

I want to do one last try. I’ve had the chat before and it hasn’t been acted on, if anything it has pushed him away. He is scared of commitment but I also feel he has possible feelings for a female friend. I want to try to discuss things without doing the whole “you do xxxx” thing which makes him defensive. I think I need to hear him say he won’t offer anything in order to walk away.

I really think that you are wasting your time here op.

Surely your gut is screaming at you!

Move on whilst you can keep your self respect

Yep, wasting your time, sorry.

Wasting your time.

Don’t be scared of losing him, OP. Just chuck him out of your life and make room for a man who loves you and is thrilled to commit to you.

If he truly valued you, then he would not treat you this way. He sounds manipulative and like he is using you. But it sounds like you know this.

By all means, continue to try to argue him into doing something that would only be meaningful if it happened without you asking...

He’s not worth any more time or conversations. Just block and walk away

I know that I’m not happy as things are, I love seeing him, get so excited about it and he’s totally there during the few hours a week I see him but it isn’t enough. I need to hear it from him to stop me asking what ifs and to know that there was nothing else worth doing other than leave the situation. I’m very anxious about life without him. He’s been very good at being present via messages without being present in person and I have ended up putting him on a pedestal. I get torn between thinking say my piece and leave when he doesn’t offer what I want and then thinking that I should say nothing as I want him in my life so much.

Why?? He doesn’t want the same as you so he isn’t gunna give it. Even after walking away, he reeled you in and still didn’t offer you anything more

Trust me if a man wanted to be with you he’d be doing anything he could to prove that. This guy wants sex and he’s getting sex. He isn’t going to give you anything more. Why would he? He’s getting everything he wants without the commitment

Walk away. You deserve better

Do You want to see him more but he doesn’t? Try not to feel anxious, you are your own person. In these situations it’s helpful to have other interests, hobbies and friends so you are not constantly thinking about your situation

Definitely walk away from him. It's all on his terms

I would love to see him more, I’ve said that in the past but it hasn’t happened. He has time for other things in his life, it isn’t as if he couldn’t find the time if he wanted to. I’ve just answered it haven’t I, he doesn’t want to. He is happy with things as they are. I guess I’m miss ok for now.

He is happy with things as they are

Exactly.

You arent happy and need to walk away. Stop giving him the power.

Why are you anxious about life without him? It sounds like he plays a very small real part of your life anyway. Is it a fantasy you are afraid of giving up?

He has time for other things in his life ...

Such a wrenching thing to know.

I am getting there with accepting I need to walk away. I want to have a final chat to explain what I want but don’t know how to explain myself without seeming like I’m criticising. I want to say what I want rather than what he is doing wrong so that he has one last chance to change his actions. I don’t think he will do this but I will feel better about my choice.

Runrabbit, I honestly think so much is a fantasy. I’m so involved in his life in a message/Skype way yet not in real life. It’s made me attached to what I think we could have. I feel so jealous when I hear that he’s off to the cinema with this friend or out for a walk when he doesn’t make time to do any of those things with me. I accept typing this it is unlikely to change. I want to walk away knowing I’ve told him how I feel about him and what I’d like for us to have. I just mess up my words when I’m anxious or get upset/accusatory.

Read 'He's just not that into you'.

Take it to heart and save yourself repeating this cycle with countless other twats.

The conversation will just be a pointless bit of drama.

I doubt myself too. I feel so alive when I’m with him which makes the periods of absence even harder. He always talks me round, says he wants me, that he wants to see me more etc. He just never actually does it. Is this deliberate? Does he know he is behaving this way?

The only man that behaved like this with me turned out to be married.

Messages are meaningless.

If he wanted to see you more he would. He isn’t suddenly going to change his actions because of the way you ask.

He isn’t married, I’ve been to his house lots of times. But I do suspect he is biding his time waiting for someone else.

Just walk away now from him, you are wasting your time.
Anyone cant be messaging all the time, its real life contact you need with someone if your going to have a relationship. Actions speak louder than words.
If someone doesnt want 1-1 contact then stop all the messages. Its just pointless and they are stringing you along.

Have a look at narcsite.com . I'm not saying he's a narc (cos I've no idea) but it might help to empower you. Also, Captain Awkward.

I'm sorry to write that I think he's learnt what he needs to do to keep you on the hook. I don't think he's looking for a proper relationship with you. If he was, you'd know it. Afterall, it's not a secret only women know, it's very obvious to all of us.

Hold your head up high, end it and block him. Take the lesson and start focusing on people who do meet your needs.

Good luck with it all!

Of course it's deliberate. Of course he knows what he's doing - which is keeping you dangling in a warm comfy bed for sex whenever he wants it.

it isn’t as if he couldn’t find the time if he wanted to. HE DOESN'T WANT TO

You KNOW you're being treated like a fool. WHY do you want him in your life so much when he's treating you like a free sex worker? He doesn't love you, he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, he doesn't want anything more out of the relationship.