My best friend is cheating on her husband

[hollybatgirl]

I need a bit of advice, my best friend of 20 years has been seeing other men behind her husband's back for the past 6 months. I was always close to her and her husband then she started going out drinking with new friends, maxing her credit cards out and not doing much with her kids. She thinks she can justify this by blaming her husband as he's suffered massively with depression (No surprise really) and lost his job, she says she's only staying with him for the kids and I feel totally stuck in the middle. I don't know if I should say something to her husband or just cut ties, I've already backed away from her. Any advice would be great.

Stay out of it. It's none of your business.

Yep. Stay out of it

Tell her what you honestly think and then support her either way. No one wants a friend who just goes along with everything.

I'd like to think my friends would challenge me on stuff if they felt uncomfortable with it :-)

Good luck!

It’s her life her choices if you can stay nuetral that would be being a good friend. If she wants to talk then talk. I don’t judge my friends cause I’m not one to cast stones. I’ve made my own mistakes and don’t want anyone else involved unless I ask for help.

You don’t know the full story and are not living her life. Stay out of it, keep your views together and be there fkrvgee either way ( that is what friends generally do)

To yourself

Op - why would you like to tell her husband ?? Is your loyalty towards your friend or her husband ?? I think you should tell your friend how you feel about her behaviour but not be the bearer of bad news . It isn't your responsibility to do so!

it's none of your business.
stay out of it.

OP,
Unless you have lived with someone with MH issues....don't judge.

You are not a very good friend if you are prepared to "grass your mate up"

Maybe she needs your support and understanding. The fact she's doing this unusual behaviour, should ring some bells for you.

I didn't make my first post very clear, I am friends with both of them, we've spent that last 20 years as very close friends so this is why I'm so torn. I don't agree with what she's doing but I haven't said that to her as I'm afraid she will cut me out but on the other hand I don't want to be her friend while she is doing this. Her husband has done nothing wrong and she has admitted this too, he adores her and has been through enough as well as the kids. This is why I'm asking what, if anything, I should do. If my partner was doing this I'd want to know.

Wow! If it was the other way round and your male friend was cheating on his wife mn would be telling you to try and make him tell her and then have nothing to do with him because hes an twat and she deserves better.
I couldnt sit by and be okay with that.

And the mental health side of things, I understand a million percent as I work in mental health so font judge me on that as you don't know my story.

As someoe who was cheated on I was extremely upset that people who knew didn't tell me. It would have saved me months of anguish, and mental torture, trying to understand what was going on. I would tell. It will destroy your friendship, but her husband deserves the right to start making decisions about his future himself.

Just bear in mind, when he finds out and he realises other people knew he’s glong to feel like a right cunt.

And if that’s the loyalty she shows to her husband, how loyal do you think she’ll be to you?

You should encourage her to decide between the two.

There's a world of difference between trying to persuade a cheating friend to come clean to their spouse and you yourself telling the spouse they're being cheated on.

Upsideup I can't sit by and be ok with anyone cheating, the fact that she thinks it's ok to do this and under her husband's nose makes it worse. I'm going to keep out of it, it's clear from everyone's comments that they are ok with cheating and I should keep out of it. Thanks guys.

Buffalo I fully agree with you, I have tried to talk to her, asked her to get help, counselling, look after herself and her family but it has all fallen on deaf ears. There's nothing I can say to her to get her to stop or change, I've tried.

Tell him. If you are as close to him as you say you are and you disagree with what she is doing then tell him.

it's clear from everyone's comments that they are ok with cheating and I should keep out of it

Are you always such a sulky baby? Just go do whatever you want.

Surprised everyone is saying stay out of it- I really couldn't look her husband in the face and talk to him if I knew and he didn't.

I would be worried about telling him if he has no support and severe depression.

But at the very least I would tell the friend I wasn't comfortable or just back out of the friendship. And if he has support I would say, even in an anonymous letter. If it were me, I would want to know.

While you maybe her best friend you need to remain judgemental free.

I just want to do the right thing and don't want to see either of my friends getting hurt. I'm also friends eith both of their families who have no idea what's going on cheating wise but all have been blocked on social media by her for making comment about the lack of time spent with family while she's out drinking.

I'm not ok with cheating either. I was cheated on too and was really upset when I worked out other people must have known.

Worstwitch18 thank you, I feel like a shitty friend to him due to this.

So hes your friend too? If she wont then tell him! Why would you let someone you care about be treated like shit just because the person who is is treating him like shit you also care about?
I would no longer be able to care about her if she did that to my friend.