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Original poster

DH threw my phone at the wall

96 replies

2amdilemma · 23/03/2018 03:01

NC for this. 6wk old baby having issues with BF - have cracked/infected nipples. Have held the baby all day but I have been in pain all day with shooting pains in nipple and just wanted to put steroid cream on the weeping sores so had to put baby down while I did it. She cried for about 5/10 mins when DH came in from the spare bedroom picks her up and started berating me for not holding her and letting her cry. Told him I needed to get things done then I'll grab her. She was fed, had a clean nappy and just had a bit of wind that normally gets itself up after I lay her flat. Nothing was wrong with her. Also around 1am she becomes fussy and I normally rock her to soothe her but again was in so much pain I had to put the cream on.

He gets angry tells me to hold her and I said no, put her down she's fine I'll take her when I'm done. He throws her on to the bed then throws my phone across the room. Proceeds to blame me for not expressing so I wouldn't get the nipple pain, gets an inch away from my face telling me I'm a shit mum for letting her cry, that he needs to sleep he has work, I never let our eldest cry so why am I damaging our youngest by letting her cry.

Long story short I didn't engage and told him to put her on the bed - he threw my phone again 2 more times while saying he doesn't give a shit he'll throw it til it cracks and kicked a box of nappies, chucked my clothes on the floor and tried to physically put the baby on me while I was trying to get dressed, insulted my job prospects and told me I can't cope with more than one child.

Worst thing is I bet tomorrow he will wake up and think he was in the right for "protecting" the baby. It didn't do her any harm and I wasn't putting her in any danger but he won't get it.

Baby is fine now, she fell asleep after being in the sling while I cleaned up downstairs. I just don't know what to do. First time it's happened with kids, and I won't take job stress as an excuse for his behaviour. I just know I won't be able to get him to understand nothing wrong happened?! He's stubborn. Even if he apologises I don't think I would forgive him.

I know full well this is abusive behaviour, and he's not like this as a person but seriously what gives him the right to act the way he did? What do you even do when it's a one off like this?

OP posts:

Lalliella · 23/03/2018 12:14

It’s illegal to change the locks if it is his house too. You need to register what happened with the police, then seek legal advice to get a restraining order. You need to get him out of their OP, your baby and you are in danger.

Lizzie48 · 23/03/2018 12:28

How awful, why didn't he just pick her up and cuddle her himself? That's what any loving partner and father does, it's his job as much as yours. He could have seriously damaged her. And he will have upset her even more with that display of anger. You do need to get yourself and your DCs away from him.

If he is a good guy really, just very stressed, it will be the wake up call he needs to get himself some anger management.

The worrying thing is that he doesn't appear to realise he did anything wrong.

Babyblues052 · 23/03/2018 12:40

This is shocking. He's an absolute psychopath. He's an abuser!

FizzyGreenWater · 23/03/2018 12:50

You need him OUT.
NOW.

He expressed his anger to the baby, with the baby, AT the baby. He manhandled her - dumping on the bed, then trying to put her ON you in an aggressive way - so basically you were engaged with your hands doing something else, ie putting clothes on and he's got her in his hands trying to push her onto you, so you are forced to take her or she would drop?

He's involved the baby in his physically abusive actions.

He needs to be out and away from her. He's two steps from hurting her. He thinks it's ok to be intimidating, rough, aggressive, violent and involve her in it.

It's a miniscule step to a disaster from here.

The phone bounces up and hits her.

He 'dumps' her on the bed but she goes down in an awkward way and falls to the floor. Broken leg - how do you think you'd explain that one, eh? First question - has this happened before? What action did you take to protect the baby then?

He injures her while holding her and being aggressive towards you at the same time, eg by trying to make you hold her. She falls. He grabs you and lets go of her. You take her awkwardly and you drop her.

Or, he finally loses it and shakes her.

Tell your HV exactly what happened. He needs to be removed.

Thebluedog · 23/03/2018 12:52

We all get tired with a new baby, it’s a tired like no other, especially with two dc. And I suspect all of us who’ve been through this have wanted to lose our rag or get annoyed over something trivial - but we don’t react like that! Throwing a baby on the bed, smashing a phone up and yelling in your face is simply nit something one human should do to another regardless of how stressed or sleep deprived we are! He should be helping you. If he was that bothered about the baby crying why didn’t he put your dc in the sling and go and do the washing up? Give you some time to sort your nipples out and have a rest.

PrettyLittIeThing · 23/03/2018 13:06

Gosh I have 4 kids and I'm a lone parent. My oldest is 6 I have never once thrown any of them on the bed as a baby (or any age) no matter how stressful it gets. Not normal, and your definitely minimising.

char187 · 23/03/2018 13:17

I don't really think you are seeing this as serious as it is op which is quite worrying.

rascallyrascal · 23/03/2018 13:19

GET OUT! Please, this isn't normal behaviour. It's not ok for him to be like this. please stay safe.

willynillypie · 23/03/2018 15:07

OP I find your last update very worrying as it sounds like you are downplaying his behaviour and acting like it's a miscommunication, how his behaviour has come across to all of us!

Adora10 · 23/03/2018 15:42

Stop minimising his behaviour, it's not normal what he has done!

I'd have gone ape shit at him, in fact I'd probably have called the Police or a family member to get him out my sight; you talk like it's all normal.

Jesus, if that phone had hit your baby, what then, what good will his family turning on him make to your baby that is injured or worse.

You seem more bothered about your career than the safety of the baby.

Adora10 · 23/03/2018 15:43

The worrying thing is that he doesn't appear to realise he did anything wrong.

THIS!!!!

Masterbuilders · 23/03/2018 16:17

This baby is in danger from both of you. A forceful drop like that could actually kill a new born or severely brain damage one. Especially if their neck lands at an awkward position or their head rocks.

You actually can’t see this, you’re minimising what he’s done. There fore you aren’t protecting your child. This is a truly terrifying read.

Lizzie48 · 23/03/2018 16:30

You do realise that if you don't act now, and if he snaps again and the worst happens (which it does, just watch the news), then you will also be to blame. You could go to jail for allowing your DD's death.

Much more likely, you will end up taking your DD to A&E and you will then have to admit that it's happened before, and they may even find an old injury. Your DD will then be taken into care.

You don't seem to care about the risk to your DD.

mummyhaschangedhername · 23/03/2018 16:55

He doesn't see anything wrong with his actions and that's the extra scary bit. I don't think that is a safe place to be. I'd take the kids and leave now.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 23/03/2018 17:15

I can only echo other posters but you must protect yourself first - he doesn't seem to care about what damage he could do. He is not worth the life of your child or yourself. Being a single parent will be an upgrade - you are in a very dangerous place if you are minimizing.

magoria · 23/03/2018 17:38

His comments may mean fuck all to you but as they grow your DC will see the abusive way he talks and treats you and groe to think that is how men treat women or this is how a man shows they love me.

Do you really want this for your DC?

loveyoutothemoon · 23/03/2018 18:54

Did you tell the health visitor?

willynillypie · 25/03/2018 16:37

OP do we get an update on what's happened since?

pog100 · 25/03/2018 16:51

What do you mean 'do we get an update', it's not a soap opera it's someone's life. If they need more support they will be back, we don't need 'entertainment'

willynillypie · 25/03/2018 17:16

pog100

Of course not! But she seemed to be in immediate danger and I would feel reassured for her safety knowing she is somewhere aware from her DP and is alright! Jesus...

Dutchoma · 25/03/2018 18:48

I’m not surprised she has not been back after all the pressure she got on here. She was dealing with it in her own way, but people kept putting more and more pressure on her, no doubt with the best of intentions, but still...
I don’t think it was very sensible to say she put her own life AND that of her children on the line by staying another minute with her husband.
If she came back she would only get more of the same.

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