New boyfriend just went totally ballistic

[Scornedwoman67]

Need your advice please ladies...
Been seeing this bloke for a couple of months. He's 55 so not a child! Last week he lost his job. He works in finance, successful career behind him. Divorced with two teenagers, one lives with him. Appears to get on ok with the ex.
I had noticed a couple of times he'd been a bit 'tetchy' about impending job loss which was brought about, so he told me, by a new office manager he'd crossed swords with. She had accused him of 'being aggressive' which he appeared to be really genuinely shocked & surprised by. Fast forward to this week, he had a meeting with his boss at which it turned out that one of his colleagues who he had considered a friend, had backed up her version of events.
I haven't seen him since Monday but obviously we have kept in regular contact & I have been really supportive & tried to be as helpful/understanding as I can.
This morning he messages me to say he was feeling down. I'm at work so send him a big virtual hug & offer to meet him for lunch.
Ten minutes later I get a random message which says ' I want xxx (colleague) sorted out'
I replied 'what do you mean by that?'
What followed has utterly astonished me. A tirade of aggressive texts, saying how he wants to basically flatten this bloke, how unsupportive I am, don't understand, am passive (because I said violence is not the answer) and eventually finished off with 'ok ta ta then have a nice life with your cats'
WTAF??
How can someone intelligent & with an apparently successful career and two kids etc go from appearing quite normal to behaving like a five year-old?
He has not apologised- in fact this evening he's carried on ranting because I've been 'ignoring' him this afternoon.
Nope, just at work & not putting up with his shit. He doesn't seem to have any comprehension that his messages were utterly OTT and even slightly sinister.
I'm flabbergasted. Every single bloke I've met in the past ten tears ends up with either more baggage than Gatwick Airport or, as appears here, is a complete psycho.
Assume the general consensus here will be that I bin him fast....?
I'm so fed up as yet another one bites the dust.

Yep dodged a bullet there OP. Stick with the cats - much safer.

Thanks ronnie I'll have a read.
Just a bit blindsided by the utterly OTT messages and anger directed at me.
I'm also gutted that I thought I'd finally found someone 'normal'
How wrong I was 😕

Ronnie - it's a 2 month relationship. Why on earth bother giving him a second chance? He sounds like a prize tosser on so many levels.

You know the answer,give him heave ho.
And have a think what is going on that you date difficult men with baggage. why
As you said your exes have baggage,is there a pattern?what is it and why?
Are you consciously & unconsciously attracted to bad uns?

Op - you can't possibly know if you've found a 'normal' one within a 2 month timeframe. You've only just got started with the guy. It takes me longer than 2 months to decide whether I like a new pair of knickers or not.

So next time he messages you say you've decided that a life with cats would actually be better than seeing him again and tata. You could suggest he gets some anger management sessions too before he dates or works with anyone else.

Perhaps I am lipstick
Trouble is I'm now so cynical I have no trust in anyone & I actually thought he was different.
Honestly I could (and have been told repeatedly) that I should write a book about my dating experiences.
Incidentally I've also been told I should be a Private Investigator as I can now spot a cheat at 100 yards.
Appears that I need however to hone my 'psycho' detection skills.

Fair point foster 😂

I have had similar happen to me recently. It's actually been quite a headache for me trying to marry the two versions of him together.

What helped me was realising that I didn't have to work him out. I could just forget about him and move on with my life.

And good comeback honey 😊

Look, raging arseholes (and the worst and most dangerous sort of woman-hating scumbags) are all capable of passing for reasonable-human for a while. If a bloke punches you and calls you a cunt on the first date, he's not going to get a second one.

You're very lucky to have had this happen so early on - long before you've moved in together or had a baby with him. Just block all contact with him and move on.

(And be a little careful you're not heading for the desperate mindset of 'there-are-no-nice-men-so-settle-for-the-least-awful'. Being single forever is not a terrible fate. A houseful of cats is much nicer than a house with a nasty, angry, obnoxious man in it.)

Run like the wind. Excellent save - well done you!

He sounds like a bam.
Write that dating book sensible woman guide to spotting bulgy eyed goons

Also, he appears to not like cats. He has raised a good point here, by suggesting you enjoy them. Your cats are probably more fun than this loser. And they spend most of their time sleeping, licking their arses, and plotting the demise of the human and canine civilisation (that is my understanding).

Arse. Sorry you’ve found another twat, we really should be allowed branding irons to save other women the trouble!

Cats & a great FB - that’s the way forward.

Sorry to hear this OP. Agree it's good it's flagged up now but still feels shit I'm sure. Please don't worry about your difficulty spotting psychos - these people are able to harm others in the way they do precisely because they tend have skills in being charming and engaging, and can connect with people. Not because the people they engage are stupid. Fortunately the true colours tend to show at some stage and you are astute and confident enough to have understood this behaviour as aggressive and not explained it away out of need to stay in the relationship. There are some good uns out there honest

Hurrah for him showing his colours nice and early.

And have a think what is going on that you date difficult men with baggage. why
As you said your exes have baggage,is there a pattern?what is it and why?
To be fair, most single men in their 50's will have had some history, to have ended up single... Some will have learned from it and become more self aware though, while others are set in their ways.
If they have no baggage by that age, you'd be wondering why - have they shunned all human contact for 30 years .
Finally, in the interest of fairness, its highly likely there are lots of odd women too, with difficult baggage by that age, startling men when their quirks first show in a relationship...I may or may not be one of them

lipstick what a fantastic title. Thank you 😂😂😂

Blimey. Never contact him again.

A peaceful life on your own terms is not a bad deal, a male partner who is a nutter, well that is a bad deal!

dirty that's hilarious. And utterly spot on 😁

Well I wouldn't be upset about losing that arsehole! good riddance to bad rubbish.

smelly I'm ever the optimist. The thing is I really am quite happy in my own skin, have a great life & two fabulous grown-up kids. It would just be so nice to have someone to share it with.
Not necessarily live with, just someone on my own level who I can have a good belly-laugh with once in a while. And a good shag occasionally 😉

Oh my goodness you are so lucky! Imagine finding this out two years down the line when your properly attached.

You have had a lucky escape finding out now! It's still shit though

Thanks for all the suggestions that I run.... I will however probably just shuffle instead due to my age & slightly arthritic knees.....
Convent it is then 😕