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Original poster

Would you sign the form

57 replies

Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 15:54

Okay so a little background

I've got 2 children with my ex who was a complete waste of space. But thats bye the bye.

Anyway he rarely sees the kids, it's suppose to be on a every second weekend basis full weekend and a quarter of the school holidays. Only a quarter because the kids have football and clubs ect.

Ex refuses to take them and will rarely do pick up and drop off. He doesn't provide a dime, which doesn't bother me in the slightest. I work and pay for everything. I receive tax credits and I'm sole carer really.

So basically he's useless and I practically force a relationship for the sake of the children.

I have a current partner and a child together and, well he is more of a father to them and one of them even calls him dad (his choice) he takes them to all games, events, parents evenings... You get the jist.

Anyway so my question. My ex is being kicked out of his current home for not paying rent. He lives with his partner and their daughter.

He's had three relationships with a total of 4 kids now. One he doesn't see because he can't be arsed. He's never worked and goes from woman to woman sponging.

I was his second relationship, young and stupid and fell for his charm. I got out and now me and his other ex have a relationship and so do the kids.

So back to not paying rent. He has to be out next week and is going on the council.

He has a form he wants me to fill stating he has the kids on alternative weekends and half the holidays (all of which is actually a lie) but it would mean he may get a three bedroom instead of a 2 bed. So the kids would have a place to stay while there.

Which I'm all for because I don't want them to suffer.

I have asked he sign a contract (so to speak) stating he won't let the kids down blah blah before I sign the form. Which I will type up.

But here is the thing, my partner is kicking off and reluctant to sign. He says he doesn't have them and certianly not half the holidays. He also worries it will effect our income if we say he has them 40 percent of the time. When he doesn't have them and it's not worth the risk.

Well I'm stuck because on one hand I have a man who does everything for them and we should make decisions together. Then I've got kids who would suffer if the don't have a room of their own if they stay there.

Me and my partner both work good jobs and bring the kids up. They have everything they need here.

Opinions on this please?

OP posts:
Teensandfuture · 17/03/2018 15:59

I had similar situation with my ex and Yes, I wrote a letter to council.
Somehow ex's situation is better now and he sees/contribute more for his children.
I had similar doubts though but did it to keep peace and seems it worked.

jedenfalls · 17/03/2018 15:59

Don’t lie.

Sharing rooms won’t hurt them, but as your partner says, it could bite you on the bum.

Aussiebean · 17/03/2018 16:01

What makes you think the ex will now have the kids? Even if he does have bigger house?

DevilsDoorbell · 17/03/2018 16:02

I wouldn’t sign the form.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:03

It would mean 3 children a girl and 2 boys in one room. If he started having them more. My eldest is 10 and their girl is 1.

To get the 3 bed he has to be having half the holidays.

Ugh! I hate this situation.

They have a perfectly decent 4 bedroom house right now. If only he would have payed his fucking rent face palm

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 17/03/2018 16:04

Do you realise he could stake a claim on benefits or a reduction in cms if you sign? If he has yet another dc+ he allocates that room to him /her he will dump your dc anyway won't he?

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:04

I don't think anything, he's an arse who does what he wants. I just don't want the kids to suffer if he does.

OP posts:
Teensandfuture · 17/03/2018 16:05

I'm not sure how it could bite though, and anyway you 2 adults both work and getting tax credits? Seems like your partner more concerned about government handouts , should be concentrating on how to provide singlehandedly and not how his stepchildren father situation affects him. Too many benefits on each side, sorry neither side seems having moral high ground.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:05

He doesn't pay CM never has. He doesn't work and never will because his partners do that for him. I don't want anything from him, other than the kids not to be let down or suffer.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 17/03/2018 16:06

I don’t think I’d sign. It could come back to bite you.

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 17/03/2018 16:06

Tempted as I understand you are, I don't think you should sign the form. It may well come back to bite you on the arse in ways you have never thought of.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:06

We get tax credits because we are a low income family and that's what it goes on and tbh it's mostly just for childcare.

OP posts:
Minus2 · 17/03/2018 16:07

I don’t think you should lie. Tell him you will sign when he does what he is claiming.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:08

Tax credits because of a low income and for help with childcare is hardly too many benefits on our part. We work our arses of so that was a real judgey comment.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/03/2018 16:10

You’d be a FOOL to sign it.

Sorry to be so blunt.

Your (lovely) partner is right.

It could affect you financially & it will NOT make the dick head a better father.

Say no.

Stop forcing contact.

Your DC have a lovely (step) Dad in your partner, they’ll see fuckwit bio Dad for what he is. Stop pretending he’s a better Dad than he is because all you are doing is making them doubt their insincts & emotions. You don’t have to put him down, just support their feelings and wishes. Let him or them drive contact time, not you.

AuntieStella · 17/03/2018 16:11

I would not lie in writing to the council.

If you have any form of order or written that says he should have them that amount of time, then I think you could state that is the agreed pattern (never mind that he's not lived up to it). But with none, you can only described the real, typical level of contact.

He will have to manage based on his actual circumstances and choices. If he had wanted to have them more, he would have done so. The piece of paper you mention will be utterly worthless, other than to prove you lied.

Your new DH sounds sensible.

Mosaic123 · 17/03/2018 16:11

Don't lie. You need to be able to sleep at night.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:11

My partner is concerned because it's the only help we get and because I'm unable to work more hours (I've had open heart surgery) we rely on a little help not because I don't want to work more. So Yes of course he's concerned when we put in all the work.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 17/03/2018 16:12

I would not sign no. If I was worried about the children suffering I would write a letter stating that the exp intends to state honouring this sort of commitment, but frankly, he won’t will he?
He had a four bed and did nothing like that... He is not your responsibility. It sounds like the kids are better off without him as a regular role model.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:14

I know he's right deep down (would never admit it Wink)
I just hate seeing them suffer and let down. They ask to go so I try facilitate that best I can. It's a sucky situation!

OP posts:
Blinkyblink · 17/03/2018 16:16

Absolutely wouldn’t

Why are you so keen to foster a relationship between your children and him?

Blinkyblink · 17/03/2018 16:18

Why do they ask to go? Because he’s decent or because he allows them to for example constantly play video games and eat junk?

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:18

Because despite what I think they want to know him. It's not my choice to make. I do it for them.

But I'll take the advice and not sign it untill he proves (He won't) otherwise

OP posts:
Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:21

Nail on the head, eat junk and play games.
But I think kids still want to know their dad even though he's a dick.

My 10 year old tells me it isn't great at his dad's they do nothing and he only goes to see him but likes he doesn't have to go alot. He just said "he's my dad, I still love him even if he isn't great." He has a smart head.
So yeah thats why I do it.

OP posts:
FinnegansCake · 17/03/2018 16:38

I wouldn’t sign it. I agree with your DP.

You know your ex is highly unlikely to change. He has always let your children down, and always will. I wouldn’t do anything to facilitate life for this selfish taker.