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Original poster

Would you sign the form

57 replies

Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 15:54

Okay so a little background

I've got 2 children with my ex who was a complete waste of space. But thats bye the bye.

Anyway he rarely sees the kids, it's suppose to be on a every second weekend basis full weekend and a quarter of the school holidays. Only a quarter because the kids have football and clubs ect.

Ex refuses to take them and will rarely do pick up and drop off. He doesn't provide a dime, which doesn't bother me in the slightest. I work and pay for everything. I receive tax credits and I'm sole carer really.

So basically he's useless and I practically force a relationship for the sake of the children.

I have a current partner and a child together and, well he is more of a father to them and one of them even calls him dad (his choice) he takes them to all games, events, parents evenings... You get the jist.

Anyway so my question. My ex is being kicked out of his current home for not paying rent. He lives with his partner and their daughter.

He's had three relationships with a total of 4 kids now. One he doesn't see because he can't be arsed. He's never worked and goes from woman to woman sponging.

I was his second relationship, young and stupid and fell for his charm. I got out and now me and his other ex have a relationship and so do the kids.

So back to not paying rent. He has to be out next week and is going on the council.

He has a form he wants me to fill stating he has the kids on alternative weekends and half the holidays (all of which is actually a lie) but it would mean he may get a three bedroom instead of a 2 bed. So the kids would have a place to stay while there.

Which I'm all for because I don't want them to suffer.

I have asked he sign a contract (so to speak) stating he won't let the kids down blah blah before I sign the form. Which I will type up.

But here is the thing, my partner is kicking off and reluctant to sign. He says he doesn't have them and certianly not half the holidays. He also worries it will effect our income if we say he has them 40 percent of the time. When he doesn't have them and it's not worth the risk.

Well I'm stuck because on one hand I have a man who does everything for them and we should make decisions together. Then I've got kids who would suffer if the don't have a room of their own if they stay there.

Me and my partner both work good jobs and bring the kids up. They have everything they need here.

Opinions on this please?

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 17/03/2018 16:40

What if your claim for childcare is a day he has claimed he has the dc? One of you could face prosecution for fraud.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:41

I soley wanted to facilitate for my babies. But yes it seems it would only help him.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 17/03/2018 16:41

Your only responsibility is making sure that they are available for visitation and nothing else.

The only people at fault here are your ex and his partner and they are no more likely to pay the rent on the new property then the last and he is no more likely to see his children by signing your form then he is now.

Listen to your partner, do not do anything to jeopardise your household income over this waste of spare.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 17/03/2018 16:42

But I think kids still want to know their dad even though he's a dick.

They will know him; but you'd be ill advised to sign a letter saying he has them more than he does, especially if you rely on tax credits. If they find out somehow; you'd either lose money or have to admit fraud.

He isn't blameless in this. He's totally out of line to ask you to lie for him when he currently has a big enough house to see them well - and doesn't - but has been stupid enough to lose it through not paying his rent.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:43

My childcare is all over the place anyway because I'm a support worker so my days are never the same. He's never had them when I work so no fear of that.
He says I'm not a babysitter so you can work.

OP posts:
whampiece · 17/03/2018 16:43

This isn't difficult.

Does he have the kids on the times specified on the form?

YES - sign the form

NO - don't sign the form

AndysComing · 17/03/2018 16:43

Your partner is right. Your ex has a 4 bedroom house now and hardly bothers with them, what makes you think getting a 3 bed will change that?

I'm surprised the council are helping him actually, surely he's made himself homeless by not paying his rent?

I understand you wanting to facilitate your DC's relationship with their father but all that means is you make them available when it's his time with them. You do not need to do anything else.

InspiredByIntegrity · 17/03/2018 16:45

Do not sign the form. You would be giving false information to the council....basically helping your ex defraud.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:45

No you're right, I'd never commit fraud and tbh if he agreed to have them as it stated on the form and didn't. I would have told them he wasn't. My terms were if you signed to agree not let them down.

But you're all right, way too risky. I'd be risking their care this side.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:48

It's always hard when you want to do right by your kids. It's never simple. I wish it were.

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 17/03/2018 16:53

It is simple actually - to do right for your kids don't lie. Lies have a way of coming bakatcha.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 16:55

It wouldn't be lying if he agreed to have them as stated. But I'd be lying to myself if I said he would. So yes simple, I won't sign the form.

OP posts:
ReasonableLlama · 17/03/2018 16:57

He's basically using your kids to get a bigger house.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 17:01

Yep.. Yes he is.
Told my partner I stand by him and his opinion on the matter.

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 17/03/2018 17:04

You don't know how it might come back to you in the future if you lie in writing to the council. DON'T DO IT!

eggsandwich · 17/03/2018 17:06

But he hardly has them anyway so there’s no need for him to have a three bed property.

Whats to say you sign the form he gets a three bed property and he still doesn’t see the kids more and have them over, I think firstly you would be wrong to sign the form as you will in essence be lying for him, and that I suspect he has no intention of having the kids over for regular visits.

Why doesn’t one of his other ex partners sign the form, I suspect they would say no and he see’s you as a soft touch.

Just remember the kids are not missing out as he rarely see’s them anyway.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 17:09

I'm not signing it.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 17/03/2018 17:11

I'm not signing it.

Wise move.

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 17:16

Thanks guys Grin
When in doubt, give MN a shout.

OP posts:
Irishtwinmumma · 17/03/2018 17:18

Don’t lie to the council, you might get in trouble for it. Plus he might make a claim.

Hidingtonothing · 17/03/2018 17:23

Good call OP, I wouldn't sign it, there's too much potential for it to backfire on you. It isn't your responsibility to ensure he has room for DC, it's his and if he can't then they have a safe, loving home with you. It isn't your responsibility to engineer a good relationship between your ex and DC either, I understand you wanting to protect them but you can only be responsible for you being a good parent, the rest is up to him.

Nousernameforme · 17/03/2018 17:43

No I wouldn't he doesn't get to pretend he is a father and needs all the help he can get when he isn't doing the role.
That 3 bed could be better off with a family that actually need it rather than a bloke who is trying to swindle a bigger house.

Sharing rooms whenever he deigns to take them will have to do. If you think he will refuse to take the kids if you don't sign then so be it. He doesn't sound like he is providing the worlds best role model for them anyway

Original poster
Chasingstars88 · 17/03/2018 17:47

Well this weekend only confirmed my doubts. I just messaged him to tell him my son had been called last minute to take part in sprint competition by his team. Can I pick him up this evening to attend in the a.m or he was welcome to take him. I also said he was welcome to his brother untill tommorrow to spend quality time with him.
(This is the first time in 3 weeks he's seen them)
His answer was he can't take him so just pick them both up early.

Hardly screams I want my kids does it.

OP posts:
SevenStones · 17/03/2018 17:56

Very sensible decision not to sign. If you'd come up with 100 reasons not to but found ways round them all, there would have been a 101st reason that would have landed you in a mess somewhere down the line.

SoImpatient80 · 17/03/2018 18:18

So he currently has a 4 bedroom house but 'rarely sees them' but if you sign the form so he can get a 3 bedroom house, he'll have them...........yeah right! Glad you've decided not to sign.