Hi,
My boyfriend is 26, I'm 22, been together 2 and a half years and we've argued (kind of) the past few days. We havent argued in a while before this.
Anyway, he's stressed because he doesn't know what he wants in his life, and isn't sure whether he wants to move away, he's not happy with his low paying job and it's getting him down and stressed that he still lives at home with his mum and dad. I don't mind this, I love him either way and it's realistic that we couldn't afford a house right now. I'm starting my nursing degree in September.
Anyways, we were planning on going on holiday and this was something I was looking forward to after completing my studies. Anyways, I text him 2 days ago about the holiday and ideas about where to go at 12pm (we wanted to book it by the end of this week about and we've both been so excited), he didn't reply. So at 8pm, I text him asking if everything was okay and he just said "yeah" so I said "what you been doing? Xxx" (I don't need to know where he is 24/7 but he hasn't ignored me like that in so long) and he said "sorting stuff out" so I said "oh okay! Nearly finished my work!" And he said "cool", so I rung him and asked if everything was okay, and he was really annoyed and he said not to ask him again because he's stressed. So I said "what's wrong?" He snapped and said "it's none of my business" so I told him not to speak to me like that but signal was bad so we had to hang up.
Anyway I sent him a text the next day saying "have a lovely day! Shall I pop round later?" And he said "yeah sure!"
I text about 6 asking what times best and he said he's tired but it's up to me. And he picked me up 20 minutes later.
When I got to his house, he didn't seem his usual lovey self. He was just on his phone with his back to me. So after a while I piped up and said how rubbish it's making me feel. That I feel rubbish with how he spoke to me last night and now he's got his back to me. This resulted in a tit for tat argument. He said I was up myself and that I can't handle that he didn't text me back quick enough and that he's tired and got a lot going on. So I said how I'm getting tired of his moods and I don't know what to say to him anymore, and I'm getting tired of him ignoring me everytime there's confrontation. I always get teary whenever we argue, it's the way my body deals with stress (I really hate it), and he started saying how I started this so why am I crying.
Anyway we made up, hugged and went to sleep. The next day, we were okay but then I said "shall we look at holidays then??" And he said "I dont feel like going on holiday, I dont feel happy enough to go", I once again started getting teary saying how Im scared his mood is going to get away in our relationship. He said that he can't believe I'm thinking about myself and this holiday and that I'm crying because I can't go on holiday. He also said he feels he cant tell me anything without me getting defensive. I said that I'm obviously going to be disappointed when we've been planning this holiday for ages and I've been looking forward to it. I was crying again so I got up and said I'm going home for a couple of hours because his moods are getting me down and I need to cool off but I'll be fine in and couple of hours.
He said maybe we should go a week without seeing each other. (He does this a lot whenever we argue he gives me the silent treatment for about 5 days). He said he needs to sort himself out and I can focus on my studies.
I'm more of a let's sort it out asap person,so I said a week is a bit much. But he was persistent.
Anyways, I was sat at home and I didnt like how we left things. So I rung him and said it's making me uncomfortable that we have and time set before we can see each other. He said it's for the best and I said everything is always on your terms. Whenever we argue, it's always you who decides when we can and can't see each other. And he said that's not true. And we hung up.
I then acted a bit psychotic (I admit) and thought "he always leaves me lingering, I'm just going to drive to his and sort it" so I did. I text saying "I'm outside, are you in?". No response so I went home and asked him to call me. Which he did, and I told him how sad this was all making me, how him being bored of life since January is getting me down and Im just really sad.
He said to just calm down. I asked if I could just come down to his to talk for an hour and he said no because he wanted to do stuff. I was crying so much (I look back and cringe), and so I said "how can you say no when I always drive straight to yours whenever you say your upset and need to talk to me", and he said "that's different because this thing your worrying about now isn't a big deal. You've made this situation about me and you so you can sit and think about how you caused this. Not me. I wasn't in a mood with you but you've turned this into a big thing". And then he said something like "I need to start thinking about myself but we can see each other next week and have a nice day together". I said okay.
I sent him a text at 11pm just saying sorry and that I hope he has a good day tomorrow and that I love him.
He hasn't got back to me and it's now 6pm :( I haven't text anymore or tried to ring him. I feel calmer now since I think yesterday I was just panicked since he's done it so much before that it makes me anxious when we argue. And I know he won't text me for about 4 days now because he's done it before :(
I'm scared I've put him off with how needy I was but I was just worried and this is our first argument in ages so it's not as if it's regular :(
We were just so happy last week and saw each other practically every day and he was practically begging me to come round. Now he can't even be bothered to get in touch with me