Please help me deal with my dh

[Wellfuckmeinbothears]

Hi all,

I’m lucky enough to be married ti my gorgeous husband. I adore him, I find him massively attractive and he proper gives me the fanny gallops

He’s 5ft 11 and stocky. As in broad, well built etc. He also had a bit of a beer belly. I adore him, honestly I have never fancied a man so much. But recently he has been calling himself “fat” and wanting to lose weight. I’ve told him he isn’t (I don’t think he he is, he could maybe comfortably lose a stone but that’s all) but I also want to support him if he wants to lose weight. How do I do this? I want him to know I find him attractive just as he is but also want him to know I’m listening to him. Do I stop buying “treats” and make sure I serve up more vegetable based meals? Or does that look like I’m agreeing with him that he does need to lose weight?

I think I’m just asking what do I say when my dh says “I’m fat, I need to lose weight” when I know he is maybe a stone over weight but love him anyway? I just want to be supportive in all directions!

Just ask him?? If DH said she was feeling fat/wanted to lose weight it would probably spark a discussion between us as to the best way to go about it. If there was a way I could help, I would, but overall he’d have to take responsibility for it.
Have you asked him what he wants to do?

*he

He’s said “I need to stop being fat” and to be honest so far I’ve just responded with things along the lines of “you’re perfect to me but if you’re unhappy I’ll support you in making changes” but he hasn’t actually outlined what he wants from these (albeit brief) conversations. I think I need to actually have a full length conversation about what he would like from me in terms of support. I know it seems like an obvious solution but it’s helpful to hear what others have done in a situation where your partner wants to change.

AF thank you for your apology.

Oh and @Fairenuff it was a phrase I heard Deb in “Dexter” say and it tickled me!

Sounds like my DH, so hard when you feel so bad for them and don't think personally they need to do anything.

Mines always moaning that he can't go running or anything so I've just started telling him to go tor a run and to stop moaning. Ha!! I tell him all the time how gorgeous he is so if he wants to lose weight then go for it but I don't think he needs too!!

Also maybe both do some healthy meals together? You sound lovely and considerate so he must know how you feel about him.

Just keep reassuring him but helping him out too xxx

OP I think it’s totally reasonable to want to support your partner in his goals while making sure you don’t make him feel any worse about himself.

I really can’t understand why anyone would choose to post nasty, negative and unhelpful comments but I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of people who are just on here to look for opportunities to put other women down. It sounds like you have a great relationship so there may also be an element of jealousy at play!

I agree with the suggestions people have made to make it clear that you don’t think he needs to lose weight but that if it’s what he wants to do, you will help him to achieve it.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. There’s been some really useful advice.

I just wanted to say that I know if the roles were reversed my dh would be giving just as much time and thought as to how to help me feel happier and more confident. I’m happy in my marriage, I enjoy being a housewife and I didn’t want this thread to be a debate about that.

Op look at LCHF diets, they have good success and keep you full

You sound lovely OP and your approach is exactly what works for me and my dh when we feel renewed impetus to want to address our issues

It works well for us for the other to take up the cue and crack on and start the ball rolling. From there the person wanting to make the start can then continue and improve.

We do so much better when we work as a team and accept each of us are more/less motivated at different times in the process and so accept, understand and make use of these differences to be better than if each of us took sole responsibility for ourselves. Stronger together

Tell him exactly what you said in you OP about how he makes you feel and how attracted to him you are.

The key for him (and you) is that it’s about how ‘he’ feels about himself. I’d simply tell him that you fancy the pants off him, but if he’s not happy in himself then you want to help him however he wants. You can then discuss the best way of doing that.

I’m in the same situation as you but roles reversed. He makes me feel amazing and wanted and loved but I’m not happy with the way I look. I joined slimming world and now all our meals are centred around this. He cooks as much as me and now does slimming world recipes