Please help me deal with my dh

[Wellfuckmeinbothears]

Hi all,

I’m lucky enough to be married ti my gorgeous husband. I adore him, I find him massively attractive and he proper gives me the fanny gallops

He’s 5ft 11 and stocky. As in broad, well built etc. He also had a bit of a beer belly. I adore him, honestly I have never fancied a man so much. But recently he has been calling himself “fat” and wanting to lose weight. I’ve told him he isn’t (I don’t think he he is, he could maybe comfortably lose a stone but that’s all) but I also want to support him if he wants to lose weight. How do I do this? I want him to know I find him attractive just as he is but also want him to know I’m listening to him. Do I stop buying “treats” and make sure I serve up more vegetable based meals? Or does that look like I’m agreeing with him that he does need to lose weight?

I think I’m just asking what do I say when my dh says “I’m fat, I need to lose weight” when I know he is maybe a stone over weight but love him anyway? I just want to be supportive in all directions!

Op, have you got anything to say to the several other posters who agree with me ?

It's not about justifying your choice to be a housewife (although you actually said you work from home....which is it ?). I have every respect for SAHM's but I do raise my eyebrows at those that include babying their husband in the job description.

Who eats the treats? Because if you both are eating them you would be overweight too.
Are you buying the treats - and he is eating them. Are you cooking chips and beans but he is having a bigger helping?
Just cut out carby stuff and replace with more veg - and give him smaller helpings if you are giving him more than you.

Oh , I dunno. Having the expectation that men have minds of their own and can fend for themselves ? What a bitch I must be

Op, ignore the haters. You sound very sweet and that is rare imo!

I would just tell him that he's absolutely fine and gorgeous but if he wants to lose weight then maybe reduce portion sizes if cooking is your responsibility.

Op does the cooking and food shop in her household. And that sounds like it works for them.

Who are you to tell them to change that if they're happy with that, just because it's the way YOU think. Please, get a life.

And yes, I do believe you are a bitch.

When my husband says he needs and wnats to lose weight i tell him to stop eating so much. He doesnt change what he eats so he still has a fat stomach. It’s his issue to deal with.

If you actuakly like your husband i can see why youd want to be a tad more supportive though. Salad is not enough for a main meal. Look up healthy meals online and meal Plan. He doesn't even need to notice a difference.

Please help me deal with my DH in Relationships

Is that really 'working', as a Relationship?

Maybe it could have gone in Housekeeping, I dunno.

Af and any others who think I’m putting “babying my husband” under the title of housewife; I don’t see it as babying. I see it (happily) as part of my job as a housewife (just to clarify for AF I work from home and I am a housewife, I’m lucky enough to be in an industry where I can start and stop work at home. My work is very flexible and I enjoy it) to cook our evening meals. It’s not my “job” to audit everything he eats but as he is my husband and someone I love and care about I want to help. Just as any loving partner would. I honestly cannot believe this with partners who are unhappy with the way they look or want to change the way they eat would just turn around and say “pffft, not my problem mate”. I love him, he loves me and we are a team.

I tend to buy the treats, it’s a leftover vice from ivf failures and it’s something I’m going to stop. I’m going to get some Greek yoghurt and fruit for tonight as I have a major sweet tooth! And yes he does go heavier on the carbs, I think I’ll solve that by cooking less carbs and introducing more veg.

Are you calling me a bitch, juicy ?

AF our marriage works for us. I don’t understand why you need to attack people whose relationships differ to yours.

Is there some walks you could both do with your dog, in addition to the dog walking you already do. Do smaller portions at meal times & cut down on snacks, don’t cut them out altogether, then he & you can still have the odd treat. You’ll get there, good luck, you sound like a lovely caring wife

OP is asking if she is over feeding her husband. Can no-one see how 'mothering' this post is? She might as well be asking about her 6 month old gaining too much weight.

Honestly, this man is an adult, he can regulate his calories/exercise himself. OP herself says that she just wants 'to be supportive in all directions' so giving him the control of what he eats surely has to come at the forefront of that.

Firstly, it doesn't seem odd for me that one partner in a couple does all the cooking. I know several couples like that, mostly where one partner (slightly over half female I'd say) hates/is terrible at cooking while the other enjoys it so they pick up elsewhere in the household.

Secondly, it also doesn't seem strange for me that someone wants to (a) support their partner if they wish to make life changes while at the same time (b) avoid reinforcing overly negative self image.

I'd say trying to do more fun energetic activities together and looking to shift a bit towards lots of veg / less treats in meals (save treats for weekends?) would be a really positive way to support him and would most likely lead both of you to feel healthy & good going into summer. (And keep telling him what you've just told us about how much you fancy him )

Give him less food. And hide the biscuits. There, job done.

Af you called yourself a bitch and I merely agreed with you. I thought you liked people who agree with you

Attack ? That's a very emotive word.

I am glad your relationship works for you. This is nothing to do with staying at home or doing your part time job as opposed to his very important breadwinning one.

Seeing it as your role to police the eating habits of a grown man is a worry though. Feel free to feel "attacked" or "bullied" if it helps.

If you were taking such an interest in what you put in your own mouth or what you deliver to your children's who rely on you physically and practically...a whole different matter.

Nah juicy, you definitely called her a bitch. Shame you're too cowardly to own your own words.

Cowardly?

Gotta love Mumsnet. Ooh I'm so cowardly I'm shaking in my boots over here.

"And yes, I do believe you are a bitch."

Well that's what's on my screen

Mine too.

Oh we've got a tandem act. How droll.

LEAVE IT LOVE THEY AIN'T WORTH IT

Juicy...you are neglecting your Thread Policing. Fairenuff is saying exactly what I am saying. Is she a bitch too ?