Please help me deal with my dh

[Wellfuckmeinbothears]

Hi all,

I’m lucky enough to be married ti my gorgeous husband. I adore him, I find him massively attractive and he proper gives me the fanny gallops

He’s 5ft 11 and stocky. As in broad, well built etc. He also had a bit of a beer belly. I adore him, honestly I have never fancied a man so much. But recently he has been calling himself “fat” and wanting to lose weight. I’ve told him he isn’t (I don’t think he he is, he could maybe comfortably lose a stone but that’s all) but I also want to support him if he wants to lose weight. How do I do this? I want him to know I find him attractive just as he is but also want him to know I’m listening to him. Do I stop buying “treats” and make sure I serve up more vegetable based meals? Or does that look like I’m agreeing with him that he does need to lose weight?

I think I’m just asking what do I say when my dh says “I’m fat, I need to lose weight” when I know he is maybe a stone over weight but love him anyway? I just want to be supportive in all directions!

Nah, anyfucker.

I just remember how spiteful and mean your posts were on many of my old posts, and many replies to other posters I've read over the years.

I'm surprised at how you manage to keep up the bitterness so consistently.

No. Only person bullying is you juicy.

Af, fairenuff that’s fine, you’re both in agreement that I’m wrong to have posted what I posted. Thank you for your contribution to my thread and I’ll go through your posts when I’m feeling a bit calmer and take on board what you’ve both taken the time to write. I don’t want to police what my husband eats, I want to help someone I love feel happier in himself.

A quick advance search tells me you have form for the "hating" yourself Juicy. Quelle surprise.

Isn't 'oh what a bitch I must be' on your screens ?

No, your post to AF saying 'And yes, I do believe you are a bitch' is on our screens.

Yet when you are called on it, you back track.

Hey OP I am in the "you're a lovely caring wife" camp. My DH also has wanted to lose weight and sure, he takes responsibility for cutting back himself, being a grown-up and all, but I also try to make sure I adjust household meals if needed, rather than just carrying on exactly the same. Just as when I try to lose weight, he doesn't open up a box of chocolates and eat them in front of me.

I don't have any new ideas to add other than what you've got regarding adjusting the home meals (changing chips for potatoes is a good idea) and an exercise goal to work towards individually or together. Those sound like simple changes that can only benefit both of you! I just wanted to add in that you were clear in your message and didn't come across as over-mothering to your DH at all, to me.

I wonder what a quick advance search would bring up on you anyfucker. If I was bothered enough to do one, that is.

Op sorry to hijack your thread.

Hope you manage to help your DH in achieving his goal

Go for it. It wouldn't show me following you round the boards to get a dig in if that's what you meant. I don't even recognise your name so I assume you "know" me under at least one other name change. That's kinda cowardly.

I don’t want to police what my husband eats, I want to help someone I love feel happier in himself

You can do the second without doing the first. I get it. You want him to be healthy. But let him take control. Talk with him about how he thinks he can re-balance his diet. But steer away from mothering him. He's an adult and can make his own decisions.

For example, in my house dh does most of the cooking. So I will tell him that I don't want 'x' sauce or 'x' portion or I will cook for myself. I know what I'm eating and take control of it even when someone else is cooking.

I don't feel like a child and I'm not treated like a child.

Thank you fairenuff, that’s helpful.

And thank you Juicy xx

Has he asked you to help him with his eating OP?

Honestly, i’m with the others who find this ‘mothering’ thing a bit odd. Surely it’s up to him to sort his own diet out? This does sound like you are talking about a child.

Some of the responses are pretty nasty, I think you sound lovely for wanting to help your DH feel better about himself. When I was trying to lose weight and was really self conscious, DP would say 'I love you the way you are but I'd love to see you more happier and confident' to me this didn't sound like him agreeing I was fat, it just made me feel supported. Take it on together- start being more mindful of your diets, cook healthier meals together and maybe join some kind of gym/fitness class together. Even if you don't enjoy it, him having someone to go with could kickstart things. Or you could start going on hikes/bike rides/swimming together and make it part of your weekly leisure time when you normally would sit and watch a film etc.

The end result is the same, but the approach very different in faire's example. If you want to show your kids how to take responsibility for their own lifestyle choices, start with showing them a good example of it.

I don’t understand why you keep bringing kids into it AF. I’ve said multiple times we cannot have children together. Every time you say it it’s like a kick in the stomach.

@Lifeaback thank you, that’s exactly what I want to do. Let him know that I love him as he is but I want to support him if he wants to change. That was a really good way of phrasing it, thank you x

AF, you might want to check the thread a bit more thoroughly before dishing out advice on examples to children. The OP more than once mentions failed IVF attempts - a little insensitive to keep referring to her children when she may not have any..?

OP, I have little to add, but I like the suggestions about getting healthy together - exercise, focus on nutrition etc. And I think you sound lovely and caring too - my husband and I look after each other too, it doesn’t make us any less of an adult, and I think independence can be overrated- no harm in support and consideration for one another and if taking care of the other is a way to show this that works for you that’s great

Sorry, x post with OP there, apologies for another mention of it

That’s ok @Madbee, thank you for reading my thread properly.

Danny, that’s vile and truly unkind. Who needs man hating women when there are women hating women like you.

OP what a weird thread.

I’ll never stop being astonished at how (presumably) adult strangers can argue with one another about such things as another stranger asking about how she can support her husbands diet.

Your question was fine and reasonable OP. You and your husband are both happy with your set-up, that’s what counts here. Pay no heed to anyone upsetting you, you know your marriage and you’re happy.

I think the best and kindest way is to reassure him you find him attractive as he is (but don't over do it, then it becomes patronising) and leave him to it...

Eating less and moving more should be his own decision.

IMO best to not take responsibility for his weight. You can be supportive, but ultimately it should be up to him.

wellfuckmeinbothears I sincerely apologise for thinking you already had children. It was not intentional to upset you on that score, I genuinely missed that fact. I got so stuck on trying to make you see my problem is not with SAHM's I ran with the children theme. Awful error on my part. I am sorry.

Wellfuckmeinbothears I know it's off topic but I have to ask...

... how did you come up with that username