Partner just battered me in front of our 3 yr old

[Dolphin321]

Dont know why im writing this as i already know answer but i am often
and keep taking this joke back
Tonight i had a go at my partner because he doesnt kiss me. I confronted him about his lack of love for me . Of course im.an idiot because hes hit me plenty times before.
As i was talking to him he was getting more and more annoyed and kept throwing my daughters toys at me. Quite hard. It was for a reaction and it worked. I chucked a plastic toy at him which bounced off him and just touched my daughters foot. I know i shouldnt have reacted but he was goading me and it worked
He then flew accross the room and held me up against the wall slapping me hard accross the head and face whilst shouting at me..i tried to fight him off me so he battered me around the head some more then held me down on my daughter's bed bruising my arms then held his hand over my mouth to point i couldnt breathe. Then he let go and kicked me in my leg. My poor child was screaming crying and trying to pull him off me. He then said it was my fault and went in.the kitchen to eat strawberries in an apparent attempt to normalise the situation and so he wouldnt have to leave as i was repeatedly asking for my house keys back
Hes done this b4 and says its my fault as i nag and go on
.i do go on and on when im.upset so in the past ive felt as if i deserve it somehow. I had implants due to a breast deformity and he constantly calls me fake during arguments and calls my mother names. We was together 8 years when i had his child he left me 4 another woman 3 months later..she dumped him and done him for harassment 4 constantly messaging her asking her back and like a dumb fool i took him back after she took him.to court. Hes now on probation doing a DV course called building better relationships. Which clearly hasnt helped. What response am.i expecting? I don't know. Most times he can be very charming and help with money and around the house, planning holiday with me and our daughter and being funny. Not romantic though and its ok. But he intermittently does this. Ive thrown him out but am reluctant to call police as social services get involved. He is gonna come back tonight most likely saying he is truly sorry and hes under stress ect and he is freezing cold sleeping in his car and shivering which is why i let him back.in last time as didnt want him telling his friends ive made him.sleep in his car when they dont knoe whats happened. .im at a loss as to how dumb i am

[Shoxfordian]

I hope you called the police
Let us know how you're doing today

[Pidgythe2nd]

Never let this disgusting man back into your life v
HE WILL NOT CHANGE AND HAS PROVED THAT.

You and your daughter deserve better.

Please call the police. There is other help out there.

[ChishandFips33]

Report it whilst everything is fresh or you will soften and let him back in.

Report it now whilst he's still having to attend the DV course...it will show him for the man he is

Report it now to protect your daughter. If she was pulling him off you what is stopping him from turning on her, you will never forgive yourself

Do it for her if not for yourself

[ChishandFips33]

Look back at your history with him.

You will see this has, and is escalating.

It will continue to escalate, and you may not be around next time to report it and get rid of him

Please be strong - you can do this

[WellThisIsShit]

Just like other people, I’m going to say, you need to leave him, and you need to call the police to help you because this is not a man who will stop the violence.

What you describe is him losing control and letting the animal in him totally carry him away. Enjoying the blood lust. Enjoying the hurt... then, putting the brakes on just in time to stop before he kills you.

He’s going to keep pushing it, keep going further, keep up the hatred and violence for a few more seconds each time, one more punch, one more squeeze, a minute more suffocation... and where will he find the strength to stop it each time? Because that’s a huge effort every time. Stopping that hate and violence and animal adrenalin that’s all wanting more more more... and one day, more will be dead. More will be him going ‘oh shit’ and kicking your body and then blaming you for dying. Stupid b&tch...

Because that’s what happens. And it sounds like it will happen sometime quite soon, as the level of violence you describe is quite high already. He’s not got much left to go really has he? And all in front of your daughter. And already on probation for this kind of thing?

This man is dangerous my love. Even if you want to get yourself killed for the love of him, do you want your daughter to see it happen? Do you want your daughter to be without her mummy?

In 15 years, do you want your daughter on here asking what she should do because she’s getting nightly beating but she loves him so it’s all ok? Because kids grow up to do what they’ve learnt as a child. And I’m afraid you’re teaching her to take it, and be hurt, and let it happen in front of the little ones... please teach her something else.

[Mary1935]

Hi Dolphin my ex has been charged with common assault and is now doing the "building better relationships course" his current partner is meant to get support from another organisation whilst he is doing the course. Was he charged and does he have a probation officer? You need to speak to them if he does. He doesn't love you - he doesn't like women really.
You need t leave him - he is dangerousness - report the assault and he will be charged. If not for you for your own child. She is going to grow up damaged.
I'm sure your self esteem must be low - he has ground you down and fucked you over. He's already cheated on you and you have taken him back - he's hit you and this will only get worse.
My first step was starting to tell people - the GP and friends - I needed anti depressants as I was so worn down with him. For me - it helped to clear the FOG - I saw him for what he is - an abusive man -
Please Please Please - contact the police TODAY - he will be arrested - contact women's aid.
He's already been done for harassment - he's on the police radar.
Protect your child - that's why I got out.🌺

[SuperLoudPoppingAction]

You poor woman.
You've been through such an ordeal with this man.
Use that strength to ask for help, and stay safe, and start a better life without him in it.

Social services will help you, if you're able to commit to keeping him out of your life.

The fact that he's on probation will help especially if police can see your injuries so call them soon.

[CountTessa]

I'm working with an 8 Yr old boy who witnessed his dad physically abusing his mum. He feels guilty, powerless and depressed that he couldn't help her. Don't let this be your daughter's future.

His behaviour, his choices.....his consequences... Please try not to listen to him wheedling his way back in and excusing his behaviour. Make today the day you start believing you are worth more.

[WellThisIsShit]

Btw, my message earlier, wasn’t meant to be mean, or overly scary. Been there, kind of.

Except my stbxh abused me with other stuff first and the violence came last, so it was easier to see it for what it was - a sign to get out now.

Mind you, I still didn’t get out quick enough. Have a neck injury that still causes me problems today. I have to live with that. And it’s difficult. I can’t drive because of it, among other things.

It happened 5 YEARS ago.
Took seconds for him to do.
Didn’t even hurt much at the time.

I was too shocked and too busy trying to stand in between him and the bedroom where our baby was sleeping.

Then after I was ashamed of the bruises he left, and covering them up with makeup.

He acted kind of disgusted with me, like it was my fault, my failure somehow that I was bruised. He told me I couldn’t be hurting. That he hadn’t hurt me. That there was nothing wrong. That I was making it up. How could HE hurt ME? I was too big and fat for him to hurt...

Thank God me and my son got away from him. Because he was very very wrong. And he would have carried on those lies until me broke me.

The ‘little’ hit he did that couldn’t possibly have hurt me? He punched me in the neck so hard I flew across the room and hit the back of my head against the wall.

That ‘little’ blow had enough force to knock me out as my head hit the wall, so err, a fuck off massive battering is more like it! My neck whipped backwards then slammed forwards when I hit the wall, which is what’s done the lasting damage, basically like I was in a car crash or something. Fucker. And then the actual punch site as well, mostly my neck but a glancing blow off my jaw, which left it loose, but potentially saved my life. A punch to the neck is quite a good way to kill someone.

He wasn’t aiming to kill me, he’d have been shocked and raging at me no doubt, blaming me for dying because it would have been no fault of course, because who else’s fault would it have been? Not his! Thank god he got my jaw as well, because I can now look back and see that yes, just half a centimetre down and I’d be dead. From one punch. And you could be too.

Human bodies are like that. They’re pretty tough in the normal way if things, in everyday life, but once someone starts battering you once a week, once a fortnight, every time he has a drink... our bodies weren’t made for this. And they break. One squeeze in the wrong place. One thump an inch upwards, downwards. Just that bit harder... and yes, I’m sorry but yes, you could be dead, or paralysed, or horribly disabled... in agony all the time and unable to take care of your little girl...

After I got him out he cane round one last time, and wanted to stay, big sob story, blah blah blah. I was kind of weakening when he told he that he’d been arrested for raping someone!!! And he expected sympathy from me, his wife? Made me realise two things right there on the spot... one: he thought I was a right mug, he could do it say anything and I’d lap it up for a smile and a bit of attention. Ugh. And two: he was trying to spin a story that he hadn’t raped this girl, painting himself as the victim, he’d just had a shag and her boyfriend had come home so she’d lied to get out of it blah blah blah (err, minor point but he’s saying all this to his wife for fucks sake?!), anyway, as he was speaking I was looking at him calling this girl all the names under the sun and I just knew that he’d done it, he had raped her because he’d raped me. Frequently.

And in that moment I just felt truly revolted by him. And sickened. And afraid, in a way I’d never felt afraid before. Even when he was hitting me. And i needed him to be out of my home as quickly as possible. I could feel myself panicking that this monster was in my baby’s home, touching our walks and out floor and breathing our air. And I had to act very nice and very sweet and just like normal to edge him slowly towards the door, and then bam! I double locked that door and he never stepped foot in our space again. Shortly after we moved, and although we’re only close by he doesn’t know our address and school know to call me if he ever turned up out of the blue etc.

But since that day, he’s never had any power over me again. The spell broke.

And it’s so much easier when you’re not battling yourself as well as everything else.

You need to find that point, that moment when you can step away from the brain washing and see him for what he is. For me, it came after being away from him for a few weeks, and working hard at moving on and building a life for me and my son, so I’d felt what that life could be like, calm and gentle and loving, and I’d started to like that life. Then to have him come in, stuck right back in the old crap, and expect me to come to heel like a craven dog, to be ill treated again, and used, well, I saw myself through his eyes, and I didn’t like what I saw. It wasn’t a beautiful love story. We weren’t tortured souls in loved. He thought I was so stupid, such a worthless piece of shit, that he could crap all over and I’d be there licking it up and asking for more... it made me sick, no! I’m better than that, anyone is better than that!

I really hope you can start moving towards your moment, when you see him for what he is, and you for what you are.

And your daughter... you’re going to need to be very brave because, you know, don’t you, that you have to save her?

Although you are the victim, and this man is the evil one here, but somewhere deep inside you, you also have some power. You do have that power to stop it, for your daughter. Because your little girl, she’s the victim too here, and she doesn’t have that power. So she needs her mummy to be really brave and help the both of of you. Because if you don’t do it, she can’t, and she is waiting for you to save her.

[paap1975]

Please call the police before he kills you and/or your daughter

[KochabRising]

as am terrified of social services

If you call the police, get this guy out of your lives and don’t let him back, SS will support you all the way. Cooperate with them, make sure they know you’re focused on protecting your child and they will help you.

If you let him back in, SS will see it very differently.

The police can escort him to get his stuff. Call them, do not let him back in and get this lowlife out of your lives

[RickOShay]

Wellthisisshit
That is one of the most amazing posts I have ever read. I hope you have found happiness.

[SandyY2K]

Reading this was frightening. I can only echo what's been said....get him out of your life before he kills you.

Your poor DD is going to be traumatised by this.

Never mind that he came back to you because the OW saw what him for who he is.

[SophieLMumsnet]

Hi OP,

We're so sorry you're going through this.

We hope you don't mind us interrupting your thread. When these sorts of threads are flagged to us, we like to link to our Domestic Violence webguide in case it might be useful - there are links to places of support

[KittyKK]

Your poor little girl can’t protect herself. You need to do that for her!! You can choose to let him in to the house and make excuses for that monster and continue to tolerate the abuse if you choose not to make a stand now, but she can’t help herself. Please help her escape this

[Dolphin321]

Your post was inspirational. It gave me hope thankyou

[Dolphin321]

Thankyou for all your comments i have now called the police. My leg has me howling in pain yes im scared of SS but im hoping they are lenient on ne now he has gone
As 4 his stuff ill pack it up and get someine neutral to contact him and drop it to him
He knows what he has done hence why he hasnt called me or attempted to come back. Hopefully the courts will teach him a lesson this time

[DullAndOld]

You need to leave.
No, you need to not let him back in.
Don't worry about what his shitty friends think.
If you do not take steps to separate from this person, SS will be even more interested.

[mintich]

You've done the right thing and your daughter will thank you for it

[Adora10]

Please do not take this scum back into your life, if not for you, do it for your daughter, she has already been traumatised, she will not forget this, ever, remember that. Instead of venting your anger and frustration out on a weak pathetic individual like him, put your energy into making all this up to your daughter and showing her a normal world, not one you have been which is full of fights, arguments and domestic violence, really not fair!

[Itscurtainsforyou]

You have definitely done the right thing? Have they taken a statement and photographed your injuries? It may be worth a trip to dr/hospital if you're in a lot of pain.

[Itscurtainsforyou]

(No question mark intended for first sentence there)

[penguinsandpandas]

SS should be fine as long as you split, it will look much better you reported it than someone else did. And sooner or later someone else would have reported it. Well done for calling the police.

I would take advice from the police and women's aid on returning his stuff as you don't want to put yourself in any further danger. Often a split causes an escalation but women's aid can provide help with that. Don't worry about his things or him, just look after you and your little girl, she needs her Mummy to protect her.

[Faintlinesquints]

I try not to post too much on these as they can be quite triggering for me due to personal reasons, but yours spoke to me.

Please,please don't be scared of SS. They are honestly there to help you and your daughter, they can give you extra support and help and their aim is not to take your child off you. That would only happen if you stayed with him because, rightly, your child was in danger when you were together.

This is NOT your fault. He is accountable for his own sick actions. You are being extremely strong right now, and your dd will thank you for this as she grows.

Think of the future, and how much peace and happiness you can have now. Take it from someone who's been there

[Davespecifico]

Well done for calling the police Dolphin. Very best wishes.