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Should the mother pay 50/50 towards bills when on maternity leave?

135 replies

Rachelone · 12/03/2018 06:59

I have discussed this with my partner and he would like me to continue to contribute half towards the mortgage and bills while on maternity leave. To do so I will need to use a redundancy pay out that I was given during the first stages of pregnancy. He earns a very high wage.

OP posts:

DixieFlatline · 12/03/2018 07:05

Absolutely not, except in those rare cases where 50:50 would mean both ending up with equal money for themselves.


squadronleader87 · 12/03/2018 07:07

I’m still paying 50/50 but that is my choice. I’m the higher earner anyway so I saved pre-pregnancy to help cover what I need. If I can’t manage though, my DH will pick up the rest.


Adviceplease360 · 12/03/2018 07:10

No, you should both have the same amount remaining after bills etc.
Is he surprised he needs to provide for his family?


Jobjobjob · 12/03/2018 07:10

Is the baby not his then? This makes no sense whatsoever to me. You're on maternity leave because your having his child and he wants you to continue to pay half the bills.

Whose going to pay for childcare when you return to work?


Quartz2208 · 12/03/2018 07:10

Not if it’s a partnership no you are a family not flat mates

And how will a return to work work with childcare payments and drops off


Thelampshadelady · 12/03/2018 07:10

I think it depends. Good maternity package/low earning partner then yes.
Smp/high earning partner then no.
In your case I would probably say you shouldn’t be contributing but I think it depends on different factors.


Brokenbiscuit · 12/03/2018 07:10

Hmm. Will you be invoicing him for his share of the childcare?


Happygolucky009 · 12/03/2018 07:11

Does he plan to pay you for childcare ? Obviously this is a consideration !!!


Elpheba · 12/03/2018 07:12

As DixieFlatline suggests I think 50/50 in any relationship is only fair if it leaves both partners with equal spending money afterwards. Whether on maternity leave or not, if you're in a committed and long term relationship I don't see how it can ever be fair if one partner has lots and lots of spare income to play with and the other is struggling to make ends meet.
Particularly given you're off work to care for their child, you shouldn't then be penny pinching or stressing to pay the bills if they have the surplus to cover it. But I would expect to have these discussions before having a baby together.


tribpot · 12/03/2018 07:12

Does he appreciate those bills are going to go up after the baby's born? Babies need stuff. Or is he expecting the entire business to be cost neutral to him? And if so, why did he want to have children?


stolemyusername · 12/03/2018 07:14

I'd be charging him for carrying his baby TBH!


C0untDucku1a · 12/03/2018 07:15

He would LIKE you to.

Just tell him thats not possible as it would take all your savings. Are the bills covered easily by his wage? If so, and given that 50/50 would wipe you out of savings, could this be about control?

Have you discussed what happens financially after? Are you going back to work full time?


SD1978 · 12/03/2018 07:16

I agree with Brokenbiscuit. Since you will still be employed, but in the home instead of the workplace, will you start charging him for half the childcare you are providing? Along with any other services that you provide whilst being home with your child, that repviously would have been more fairly split? He's being an arse. I'm assuming he expects that you can pay for nappies, etc out of the child benefit as well, and he won't need to contribute? Im assuming you obviously don't have joint finances, since the redundancy money, even though you got it whilst you were a couple, is 'your' money according to your post. I'd say he needs to reevaluate what is a 'fair' split, although I never did understand the seperate finances thing.


FusionChefGeoff · 12/03/2018 07:17



Alabama3 · 12/03/2018 07:19

only if you invoice him for all the baby bills and child care
how much is a nanny these days? 24hrs a day? so that's what 3 nannies? if the all do 8 hours a day with no days off, so maybe 4 nannies

A full time Live out Nanny outside London costs an average of £250 per week plus Tax and NI. This salary may go up to £550 net per week.A full time Live in Nanny in London earns an average of £314 net per week. This may go up to £600 net per week dependant on hours, number and age of children, experience and qualifications.Full time, Live in Nanny salaries outside London cost on average £250 per week but can go up to £600 per week.


Timtims · 12/03/2018 07:20

Regardless of maternity pay or not, imo FAMILY money should be managed either:

  1. In a joint acciunt with equal access.

2. Via two personal accounts paying into a joint a/c, whereby both personal accounts are left with the same personal/spending money (so one salary of £1k, another of £2k - first person pays in £500, the other pays in £1500).

MauriceTheSpaceCowboy · 12/03/2018 07:20

Only if he pays you half the cost of you providing childcare. 24 hours a day.


SciFiG33k · 12/03/2018 07:20

Maybe you could suggest he takes parternaty leave and looks after baby full time and pays 50% of everything while you return to work and your full income.


meditrina · 12/03/2018 07:22

I note you said partner, not husband.

I think you need to have a far-reaching review of finances now, so if you are not happy with the arrangements, you can start to arrange an early return to work/jobhunting. Because he is treating you as a self-supporting flatmate, so you need to ensure you continue to be self-supporting.


lifechangesforever · 12/03/2018 07:24

Umm absolutely not.
I'm lucky to be getting a good maternity pay (NHS) but as my money decreases, so will the percentage I put towards bills and his will increase.

When I'm down to £550 SMP it would be physically impossible to contribute half towards our monthly bills.


BigGreenOlives · 12/03/2018 07:25

Charge him for childcare, don’t forget NI & pension contributions & holiday pay when calculating the daily rate.


Munchyseeds · 12/03/2018 07:33

I assume you are in a relationship with this man??
What does he want to happen re finances after the baby is born??


AtSea1979 · 12/03/2018 07:33

I’m wondering whether you received a big redundancy pay out and have kept it for yourself and that’s what’s triggered him to say something like this.


timeisnotaline · 12/03/2018 07:36

If a man isn’t willing to support his partner while she has their baby then I regard his as a lost cause. Why have a baby in a relationship if you are still expected to go it on your own? As part of your discussion , make it clear that expecting you to continue paying half would mean your sole job is taking care of the baby and you shouldn’t do anything else in working hours in case he expects to suddenly have an unpaid housekeeper as well as an unsupported new mother at home.


Grobagsforever · 12/03/2018 07:39

Oh god. This is why I need to take a break from MN, before I believe every man in the world is a selfish, financially abusive wanker.

Tell him to sod off OP. And make sure you return to work full time so you never become financially dependent on this person.

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