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Original poster

Should the mother pay 50/50 towards bills when on maternity leave?

135 replies

Rachelone · 12/03/2018 06:59

Hello,
I have discussed this with my partner and he would like me to continue to contribute half towards the mortgage and bills while on maternity leave. To do so I will need to use a redundancy pay out that I was given during the first stages of pregnancy. He earns a very high wage.

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 12/03/2018 20:21

The baby is his too. Is he normally tight fisted

Cornishclio · 12/03/2018 20:26

If you live together and have a child together then it would make sense to have joint finances then there would not be this 50/50 and would address the disparity between the incomes if one is the main earner and the other the main childcare provider. If you have a redundancy pot then it would make sense that this is part of the joint pot but if your partner is not willing to do joint finances and sees you as responsible for half the bills even while you on maternity leave having a baby who is the responsibility of both of you then no I would not use your redundancy money. I would be saying that presumably having a child is a joint decision and the consequence of having a child is the mother has to go on maternity leave to allow her to rest sufficiently before the birth and look after the baby afterwards. This means sacrificing your pay and he needs to step up and cover this. What is going to happen after your maternity leave finishes? Is he going to pay you for childcare if you do not return to work? I would be wary of giving up work if your partner is so tight he is not willing to help cover the costs of maternity leave in spite of having a high wage and presumably not needing your 50%. If money is tight this would be different and presumably you would both have talked about this before you getting pregnant.

Rach000 · 12/03/2018 20:30

No, he can't expect you to pay the same when off looking after his child. Does he also think you will pay for nappies and baby clothes etc?
Me and DH just share all money. We have our own accounts but just transfer what is in there if needed to the joint account. Our savings are also shared. We are a family with kids so why wouldn't we share everything. We just discuss if one of us wants something expensive and see if we can afford it between us.

Squishysquirmy · 12/03/2018 20:39

No.
Hell no!

If he was on a low wage, and the only way to meet the bills was to dip into your savings, that would be different. In that case neither of you would have any disposable cash for fun or luxuries.
But that is not the case for you.

Its a very weird setup where one member of the family is rich and another is poor - and if you have a child and are in a live in relationship together, then you are a family.

What he is suggesting is worrying, and so it is particularly important that you really sort out how finances will work now. It is not fair for you to be impoverished by having his baby while he remains comfortable.

DO NOT SPEND ALL YOUR PERSONAL SAVINGS paying half the bills.

Squishysquirmy · 12/03/2018 20:42

NormaNameChange depleting her savings while on maternity leave would seriously hinder her independance, not maintain it!

throwawayagain · 12/03/2018 21:07

I did this. My husband didn't see why he should have to cover my costs.
I was on SMP. He was earning 40K plus (15 years ago).
I ended up in debt, and finally divorced the abusive arse. It is financial abuse - no further comment needed.

CookPassBabtridge · 12/03/2018 21:12

I don't understand some of these posts. Surely in marriage/longterm relationships, all money is family money? I don't undetstand this contribution stuff... surely you're a team and should have equal money.

throwawayagain · 12/03/2018 21:12

I also reduced my working hours to manage drop offs and collections. I was originally the higher earner, but not after we had DCs.
He refused to contribute to the children's clothes/activities etc. He hid his savings too, so the divorce was financially painful.
My children both appreciate that our divorce was beneficial. I didn't poison them either - they saw enough.
Don't be me.

pallisers · 12/03/2018 21:17

The minute I knew I was pregnant I saved and put aside all my personal Direct Debits and the amount I'd of paid per month for my half of the bills and mortgage.

This is normal to me if your partner was doing the same. Did your partner also save during the pregnancy? When I was pregnant we both saved as much as we could because we knew our income was going to go down while I was off. Why is it only one person get to scrimp and save but both people get to have a baby?

HerSymphonyAndSong · 12/03/2018 21:19

It’s interesting that “independence” for a woman includes the costs of the baby but it doesn’t seem to for a man

SomeKnobend · 12/03/2018 21:21

Absolutely, as long as he pushes half the baby out of his vagina and takes 50% of the parental leave and associated pay drop. What a fucking dick. Ltb.

justanotheruser18 · 12/03/2018 21:23

Ffs. You are having his child? What's the matter with him.

Sukisubo · 12/03/2018 21:23

No.

boomboom1234 · 12/03/2018 21:23

I don't think that's fair. Both times I have been on mat leave I have contributed 25% and my husband 75% for the nine to twelve months.

justanotheruser18 · 12/03/2018 21:24

That's such a bizarre situation.
Does he think you're going to be sitting at home on a jolly for the next 12 months? Because mothering a newborn is about as far from a holiday as it's possible to imagine.

SouthernFox · 12/03/2018 21:25

Jesus. No. Agree with knobend. Leave.

2018Anon · 12/03/2018 21:29

God this is the start. My ex was the same. Then he'll probably push you to go back full time and will also complain about contributing towards childcare.
Was this baby planned? I assume you didn't discuss finances beforehand?
I bet he is tight with money in general. This is not a good sign.

Sharonthecat · 12/03/2018 21:31

We pay all of our bills proportionally to what we earn, so it's fair. When I was on maternity leave we adjusted it accordingly, so I contributed less than I normally would. When you're on maternity leave you will want some spending money so you can get out of the house and do things with your child. And it is enough of a transition that you don't want to be worried about money during your special maternity leave time .

KatharinaRosalie · 12/03/2018 21:31

I really don't get this 'I saved so I could still pay half'. So dad does not need to save anything, does not need to change anything after the baby is born - waltzes back to work while benefitting from free childcare and half the bills paid? How is that fair?

whampiece · 12/03/2018 21:32

I get so baffled by all the Mumsnetters who have his and her money and end up with daft arse situations like this.

DH and I put our money into an account. A standing order takes what we need into our bill and savings accounts and the rest stays in the current account for which we each have a debit card and can spend freely.

I can't imagine living with someone who insisted i put myself into a financially compromised position while I was pregnant with their child!

randomquestions · 12/03/2018 21:38

As you have said partner and not husband, then it's not clear if you're married or not. If you are married, then you've already made that financial commitment and everything is joint anyway so I don't understand how you can be talking about your money and his money. If you're not married, it completely depends on what you've already agreed financially.

Sevendown · 12/03/2018 21:44

LTB

AlecTrevelyan006 · 12/03/2018 22:03

I take home 3x what my wife does. We don't have my money, or her money. It's all family money. It's never been a problem - everything is pooled together. Bills first, then food and other essentials, then stuff for kids, then general household stuff, then if there's anything left over it gets split 50/50. I don't really understand how any long-term partnership can operate with individual finances.

passmethegunandaskmeagain · 12/03/2018 22:42

I'm with alec on this. For various reasons I've always earnt a bit more than my wife but our money is exactly that, ours. It's a partnership.

ew1990 · 12/03/2018 22:46

I'm on maternity leave and now the only contributing I do is get the shopping in and buy DD's milk, nappies etc but to be fair that's out of child benefit, DP earns double me though when I'm earning a proper wage not smp so I've never paid 50/50 we just do it so we are both left with a reasonable amount of money

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