Not speaking

[wild]

I just want an objective opinion. I have been living with dp since just before ds was born. It's his house, mine is let out. We have three floors the first two nice the bottom one was let out and is a bit of a shambles. No garden. DS is now approaching two and I am keen to move so that we have a little bit of outside space. DP is scared of change and very mean with money and I'd put the idea on back burner I have friends with gardens, then there's park etc, it didn't seem too bad. On Saturday he pointed out an absolutely fab house in the paper and said it seemed a good idea, I was gobsmacked and said I'd phone for an appointment, which he agreed to. He then went to pick up his 14 year old son who stays with us at weekends (he's here for a week now as its summer hols). His son called twice on his behalf on the way back, once to ask what we wanted from shop second time to say did we want to go to beach and I said we had this appointmetn at 3.30. To be fair I was a bit off hand cos ds was throwing a tantrum and would not go upstairs and I was weighed down with shopping myself (the boring stuff that he would not thiknt to buy like bleach). When dp got back ds and I wwere having lunch, he went absolutely mad, firstly taht I had shopped and nto told him ad he had bought fruit as well, then he said what was for lunch then and when I said what woudl you like he said dont worry I'll do it and started throwing things around the kitchen. He made lunch for son and him and said by the way cancel the appointment I've decided its not a good idea. I put ds down for rest and when he got up I just took him out to get away I gave dp the number and told him to cancle the appt himslef. I don't think he did though, we just didn't turn up (which I hate). Since then I have been sleeping downstairs and we are not speakign at all, DP is doing everything for his son (for the first time ever) but ds and I are pariahs, totally ignored and I don't know where its all going to end. I dont care about the house, of course I would like to live somewhere thats a family home but the most important thing to me is that everyone in the house is happy and there is equality and respect. Am I wrong to respond like this to his temper tantrum? I am normally a lot more conciliatory but this time I felt it was the last straw. I'm on the verge of giving my tenant ntoice and moving out.

Thanks everyone. Going to docs was the biggie for me, MB, I am going to leave it at that. I would not have done that without all the encouragement from here.
The next morning he was up early sitting reading teh Sundays listening to music ffs. asked me if i wanted a coffee, like nothing had happened, that's the really crazy part. Like it was all a bad dream.
I am taking one step at a time, the next thing I will do is the solicitor. I am still in ex-p's house but we are going our own ways. Mon night he offered to put ds to bed so I cd go to gym but I refused, just want to be with ds as much as poss. Since then he has stayed out of my way, comes home late and shuts himself in office, sleeps in spare room. Just this dark presence. I have two good friends locally who know, and one gave me her front door key in case I need to use it. I am sure he will not do anything else physical but I am too frightened of him now to try and discuss the things we need to sort out. Ds was saying 'daddy's gone' this morning, on the whole he seems OK though he's started calling me mama again instead of the rather nochlant 'mum' that used to come my way and is a bit more clingy. He really loves his dad. There is absolutely no chance of an amicable split between us and I have to be well prepared. Like someone said was it you MB these men hate their partners more thatn they love thier children.

Thinking of you, wild. Hope you're OK.

Wild how are you? Have been thinking about you.

OMG, missed this. What an awful thing for him to do to you. So sorry. Where are you now? Are you OK? Have you told your tenant to move out? Thinking of you.

wild, just wondering how you were doing. hope everything is ok for you and your little one.