Am I mentally ill if I want a good looking man?

[Frenchine]

I was having a discussion with a male friend about attractiveness in relationships.

He said that men are more visual and that if women put too much emphasis on male attractiveness then they're not well mentally because I doesn't make sense for a woman, in that men need to spread their seeds so a good looking woman is important to a man but shouldn't be for a woman.

So apparently, women need to accept that men have wondering eyes, women don't do the same. Of they do they're sufferinf from some sort of mental illness. Because biologically it makes no snese for women to look at another male other than the one she is with.

Feeling conflicted, and somewhat guilty is this is true. I'm wondering if it's a biological truth or just cultural conditioning. I can't imagine having sex with a man I find grossly unattractive just because I need resources for my offspring

Your friend has been reading bullshit online and is stupid enough to fall for it.

What a load of shite! Is he ugly and trying to get you to sleep with him?!

Your friend is a moron. Let me guess, he also believes the earth is flat.

This is a FRIEND??? He sounds like a twat, frankly. BTW, is he conventionally unattractive himself, by any chance?

Anyway, what is good-looking? Good-lloking is totally subjective. LOts of people think Ryan Gosling is good-looking, for example, but he does absolutely nothing for me. My boyfriend probably isn't what most women would call conventionally good-looking, but he makes me melt, because i adore him.

And your friend with this sexist pig ? Why

Lmao tell him women will look for the strongest male genetics and of course women look around at other men it’s 2018 not 1818. Wow he sounds a right catch ! Actually he asiagustung using mental illness. Dump him he had awful disrespect for all women. Also tell him as many women are cheating these days as mean because they like a well looked after groomed sexy man that knows how to treat a women !

Chemistry that’s what sex is all about
He obviously is a jerk

Historically, a man’s ability to provide was quite important but the world has thankfully moved on. Confidence is still a big deal but why wouldn’t a woman also care about looks?

I wonder if your friend is not classically handsome and is projecting his own hopes onto you?

Absolute poppycock!

Is he perhaps not particularly good looking in the conventional sense, and this is his way of hinting you should be falling at his feet and begging him to shag you?

Yes he's a colleague who a consider a friend. We talk outside of work.

I'm not sure if he's trying to get with me. I don't think he's visually pleasing.

A man telling a woman she's mentally unwell if she finds men attractive lol
I don't know what to make of your friend other than he's a bellend.

Deeply insecure friend you have there. And why has he so successfully got into your head, leaving you feeling guilty? Has he been doing it a while?

I can’t believe that a person with sufficient literacy to write your op is also stupid enough to believe it.

Come on.

Stormy Daniels, is that you??

Your friend is a dickhead sexist idiot.
If he’s ugly he’s probably convinced himself of the whole thing to make himself feel better about having been single and/or struggled with relationships all his adult life.
Most misogynists are usually bitter as a result of rejection and loneliness.

Deeply insecure friend you have there. And why has he so successfully got into your head, leaving you feeling guilty? Has he been doing it a while

Not sure. Maybe it rings true because my ex the same thing. I also watched my dad flirt and leer at other women with my mother in tow.

If his theory was true why in nature are there so many attractive looking males? Male peacocks for example? It's all about the male version trying to impress the female not the other way around. Females are usually looking for the strongest, fittest and most impressive mate.

He's wrong, and he's also a knobhead

I can’t believe that a person with sufficient literacy to write your op is also stupid enough to believe it

Ahh, I guess it makes me look thick. I should question things more.

He's obviously an ugly bloke who thinks that the world owes him a hot girlfriend. He's a sexist pig who wants his girlfriend to be loyal but he wants to keep his options open because he's owed a hot woman in his delusional world,

He's disgusting and vile. Poor woman going out with that mess

This was believed for a long time but we now know that it is not true. Scientific studies (as if needed!) proved that women are just as visual as men. Think these were in the 1960s but don't quote me. As someone said above, society dictated that women needed rich men over good looking ones, while men could choose attractiveness in women. Times have changed. Your friend is wrong and offensive to call you ill.

You believed this?!

Women actually do look elsewhere when they are ovulating.

It’s only a recent belief that men are more sexual than women. For most of history men were seen as needing protection from women’s sexual desires.

Not sure. Maybe it rings true because my ex the same thing. I also watched my dad flirt and leer at other women with my mother in tow.

You need to unpack a few things there.

Someone flirting/leering when they're in a relationship is unacceptable whether it's done by a man or a woman. Anyone claiming evolutionary biology as an excuse is ignorant or a liar - we all need to exert self-control rather than give in to such instincts.

Someone choosing a partner who they are attracted to is a totally different issue. And I don't mean just attracted to a nice personality - humans will die out if women don't get to choose sexual partners who they fancy enough to have sex with, given that rape is illegal.

Ok great. I'm tempted to look these studies surrounding female sexuality.

He is quite a creepy guy in general. Don't know why we're friends really. Guess he could sense vulnerability in me. Going to be hard to escape him unless I leave my job.

Start taking the piss out of him, Frenchine. Honestly it is the best way to deal with creepy men that you have to work with. Eventually they decide that it is easier to avoid YOU and voila, problem solved.

What a load of nonsense from your friend.

In the distant past this line was used to control women and infidelity along with teenage pregnancy could get you institutionalised but those days are long gone.

Women are biologically programmed to be attracted to males with strong compatible genetics (hence not everyone is attracted to the same thing). It has been found that women are more likely to be attracted to certain men (and potentially cheat) when they are fertile as women biologically may want diffenent characteristics in their offspring that they do in a long term partner/caregiver for child. E.g. wants a kind reliable loving long term partner but biologically is attracted to someone who maybe has a less attractive personality but evolutionally stronger genetics when fertile.

What?!?!

Just tell him men prioritise a 'hot' looking woman because their psyche is damaged and they're seeking approval from men to counter their failings and they weren't breast fed.

Then tilt your head meaningfully and ask gently if they want to talk about it.

God, what a load of rubbish