Am I mentally ill if I want a good looking man?

[Frenchine]

I was having a discussion with a male friend about attractiveness in relationships.

He said that men are more visual and that if women put too much emphasis on male attractiveness then they're not well mentally because I doesn't make sense for a woman, in that men need to spread their seeds so a good looking woman is important to a man but shouldn't be for a woman.

So apparently, women need to accept that men have wondering eyes, women don't do the same. Of they do they're sufferinf from some sort of mental illness. Because biologically it makes no snese for women to look at another male other than the one she is with.

Feeling conflicted, and somewhat guilty is this is true. I'm wondering if it's a biological truth or just cultural conditioning. I can't imagine having sex with a man I find grossly unattractive just because I need resources for my offspring

Sara Pascoe - Modern monkey podcasts are a funny discussion around this sort of thing. The episode jealousy covers this topic and genetically both sexes sleep around.

Why are you friends with this cock? And why are you listening to his nonsense and feeling guilty about it ffs? Pull yourself together woman!

Your friend is a sexist idiot. And thick.

You escape him by telling him not to be such an awful human and to stay away from you. Why do you need to run away to avoid having anything to do with a man who spreads apologist crap about adulterous men?

And has he never watched a nature documentary? Female animals look for attractive features in their mates as it is a show of vigour and health. In men typically that would be broad shoulders, narrow waist and so on. Obviously we have changed by dint of being educated and we generally find different things attractive.

Your ‘friend’ sounds like those who send vile messages to women who don’t have a second date and justify it as the woman being mentally ill.

Awful

Huge lol.so in his ideal version of the world, the fact he's unattractive would be irrelevant and hot women would shag him.

Sadly for him, physical attraction works both ways, and is a critical part of most relationships.

You can't blame him for his little fantasy world though. Where any hot woman who doesn't want to shag him is clearly mentally unwell. 🤣

Blimey - are any normal men still using this biological nonsense to just their sexist BS?

He sounds inadequate and weird. Step away, step away . . .

He definitely sounds like a person with good critical thinking skills and no other agenda.

Going to be hard to escape him unless I leave my job.

It really is not hard you know. You just don't answer his calls, don't return his messages, make yourself unavailable. *
*
If you think it is hard, you may have internalised some sexist bullst about men's wants and desires somehow being more important than women's. Is there any chance that a part of you does* think that men's desired somehow outrank women's?

If you did, it would make you easy prey for idiots fuckwits like he seems to be.

That's a load of bollocks. You should be sexually attracted to your partner.
Of course though, your partner does not need to be "conventionally good looking". I agree with a PP who said good looking is subjective.
Men don't need to look like male models to get partners, but they need to be fancied by the individual woman.
As long as you yourself find your partner attractive, that is what matters.

Oh bless him. Your friend is educating himself in evolution on the Internet.

Pat him on the head and disconnect his broadband. Point him in direction of local library. Or park bench where he can happily wile away the hours shouting at buildings.

Oh, and don't tip your toe in his gene pool.

From an evolutionary perspective you can have only a limited number of babies so it makes sense for women to seek out the best, in terms of health, vitality etc.

Men just need to impregnate so logically just have sex with as many as possible.

So your eye would wander looking for a better opportunity but be less likely to find n opportunity to upgrade whereas as he has a wondering eye and more likely to have sex with more people.

However human babies are needy. If he goes wandering a new man may come in and kill the progeny of the previous male. Even if there is no new man, the female Will be unable to provide for his offspring so he needs to arrest around.
If she goes wandering, she needs to wait until her offspring can care for himself, much better to stick with one guy who won't kill the older kids.

But all that I'd back in the caves.
Now not cheating is just a cultural norm and we choose whether or not to abide by it

From an evolutionary perspective you can have only a limited number of babies so it makes sense for women to seek out the best, in terms of health, vitality etc

From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense for both men and women to have sex with as many as possible - to ensure the survival of the species. If women were overly fussy it might spell the end of the human race.

This is just ye olde sexist presumptions about women - that men desperately want to believe - dressed up as evolutionary bollocks.

haha, he is guilting you into fancying him

He's actually very ill informed on basic biology. It is not at all 'natural' for men to want to spread their seed. Humans are an monogamous species (by law of nature), and as such it is important for BOTH sexes to find an attractive partner to maximise their DNA potential.

If he were talking about rabbits or dogs then he'd have a point but with humans, he is completely wrong.

You need a friend upgrade

Since this man is basically a nobody to you (ie coworker), then use this opportunity to practice your assertiveness and to practice challenging men who are full of bullshit. Just because some man is speaking things doesn't make it true. You get to have an opinion. You get to speak up. You get to say, "That makes no sense to me." So, tell him what you posted - you can't imagine having sex with an ugly fucker. That's perfect.

TatianaLarina it depends on whether the males kill the other babies like polar bears or if its more mutual coparenting as a collective like (some?) apes where the men just provide because it might be theirs. But obviously, as I.stated, none of that applies to modern society. We don't need to rely on men to provide, and we all make decisions to cheat or not. We're so far away from it all that it simply comes down to willpower and respect

All true which is why after women have finished procreating we all move to nunneries and embroider things...
We're drawn to handsome, more even featured mates; I think it was something about it shows that they've avoided diseases in the womb. Tend to be healthier and therefore genetically better for breeding.
I seem to remember a tv program showing a perfectly symmetrical face template and it fitting many film stars and models, Liz Hurley iirc was near perfect.

I think maybe this douche is negging you

I am just amazed that you put so much store by what one of your friends thinks op. People spout all sorts of bollocks, doesn't make it true.

I wouldn't even bother flirting or going on a date with a guy unless I think he's hot. Physical attraction in very important.

If he's into evolutionary theory maybe he should look at sperm competition...

You know. The theory that posits that human females secretly seek out group sex

Or, he could shush and remember that just because someone wrote about it on the internet doesn't make it a real thing.

Cornelius, I remember that tv programme! Wasn't it presented by John Cleese??

Evolutionary theory via Reddit.

Hmm, I'm very very shallow. Have only ever fancied the pretty ones. So many men are unnattractive compared to women.