Am I mentally ill if I want a good looking man?

[Frenchine]

I was having a discussion with a male friend about attractiveness in relationships.

He said that men are more visual and that if women put too much emphasis on male attractiveness then they're not well mentally because I doesn't make sense for a woman, in that men need to spread their seeds so a good looking woman is important to a man but shouldn't be for a woman.

So apparently, women need to accept that men have wondering eyes, women don't do the same. Of they do they're sufferinf from some sort of mental illness. Because biologically it makes no snese for women to look at another male other than the one she is with.

Feeling conflicted, and somewhat guilty is this is true. I'm wondering if it's a biological truth or just cultural conditioning. I can't imagine having sex with a man I find grossly unattractive just because I need resources for my offspring

I do think there's a POSSIBLE exception for people you get to know as friends first. I can think of several guys I've had proper crushes on who weren't physically god looking but with whom I had a proper chemistry based on personality. Obviously I didn't find them physically repulsive but an aesthetics alone I wouldn't have picked them out of a line-up whilst in reality it was pepper tummy flip, name the babies kind of crush

He's saying you're mentally ill because you don't fancy him.

He is incorrect. Sounds like he's a Red Pill man. (If you want to feel a bit gross and very depressed with the state of the world, read a few threads in r/TheRedPill)

Anyway, he's an arse. I wouldn't squander too much more of your existence in his company.

(Reminds me of a (conventionally unattractive) bloke who once informed me that "all women are shallow bitches" because he'd been turned down again. He only ever approached very good looking girls. He never got the irony)

Put the effort you’ve used to try and understand his obvious bullshit, to understanding why you’re giving this idiot and his opinions headspace.

There are stupid people everywhere, it’s best to learn how to avoid them.

Is your friend Donald trump?

dangerrabbit

I can't believe you swallowed this nonsense, without .....laughing? Questioning it?

It really is rubbish.
What a knob he is!

This man isn't a friend, he's a sexist creep. And it's rubbish. I once tried to make myself fancy a single man who liked me before I met my DH, it didn't work.

I never rated men who were shorter than me, who were overweight or who weren't well presented. We're allowed to be choosy fgs!!

If he's trying to get you (or any other woman) to fancy him, then he's going the wrong way about it. This is the sort of crap peddled by fugly blokes to reassure themselves. "I am God's gift to females. If she doesn't fancy me, it must be because she's mentally ill..."

I'm not sure if he's trying to get with me. I don't think he's visually pleasing.

Frenchine thank you for making me LOL.

I love the understatement of "I don't think he's visually pleasing". It's marvellously Jane Austen!

Ugly as sin?

Definitely true and definitely believe everything everyone tells you, OP.

Your friend sounds like a prat. Especially for conflating mental illness into his bullshit argument.

But in terms of women seeking out men solely based on their resources (not looks), that is quite valid i.e. evident. Melania Trump wouldn't have given Donald the time of day had he worked at Walmart. And as the famous quote goes "So... what attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

I hope you put him right....

Attraction and mating is actually a much less subtle thing than visual attraction. Real evolutionary compatibility at a primal level (not influenced by social norms) is all down to smell. Its distorted nowadays by peoples perceptions of beauty etc, when in our history it was down to not mixing your dna with that of relatives etc as survival and protecting the genes.

We also mask it by wearing clothes, washing too much, wearing perfumed scents. Every sniffed a man you are really attracted to when they are sweaty but freshly clean? And every sniffed one you are not attracted too. There is a big difference.

Tell your friend he is full of shit. For one we all have different markers of attraction, but smell is the one thats primal.

www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/the-connection-between-scent-and-sexual-attraction-20160222/

Riiight that must be why teenage girls have posters of ugly men on their walls, and why I've never seen a good lookng guy (however much money he has or not) want for a girlfriend etc etc

He's mistaken the fact that women are perhaps wired to be interested in resources provided by a mate than men may on average be; to mean women are not interested in/affected by looks .. It's not that simple. He must be a simpleton to think anything would be that simple.

Plus it sounds like major cope - wasn't surprised to read he's not attractive.

No offence but you do need to be more confident and questioning.

Not mentally ill. But stupid and shallow. As it happens there seems to be higher incidence of stupidity amongst men when choosing a partner.

Why on earth would you want to be friends with a man who so blatantly hates women?

Also the 'women are faithful, men see not' line is bullshit, perpetuated by men like him to make themselves feel secure, judge women more harshly for the same behaviour etc. look up sperm competition - wouldn't exist if women were faithful. Likewise women cheat to get higher status male's off spring while securing the resources of a lower status male. Also cheat to ensure wide & varied gene pool.

Both sexes are mostly monogamous with a big of polygamy, usually sneaky thrown in- due to the vast advans of monogamy.

Your friend is an idiot! What a load of nonsense.

Choose your friends more wisely

Exactly what I was thinking troodiedoo and it seems to be working as Frenchine is here questioning herself

Frenchine rate your own stock higher than this idiots. Honestly, you’re not the one with ishoos