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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mum is spending mothers day with her boyfriend, what do I do?

58 replies

Debbierocket123 · 08/03/2018 20:17

Hi Mumsnetters :)

My brother (25) phoned me (31) today to tell me that my mum wants to spend mothers day with her boyfriend. She said she didn't want anything but wanted to spend the day with him instead. To be honest I am a little hurt because I'd planned a surprise tea. What should I do? Do I tell her the surprise or let her do what she wants? :( x

OP posts:
lilcolibri · 08/03/2018 20:19

Let her do what she wants.

Lollipop30 · 08/03/2018 20:21

I’m interested to see others responses but I personally can’t see why you’re upset, you’re both adults, is it not up to your mother how she spends mother’s day?
I may be wrong it just wouldn’t cross my mind.

f83mx · 08/03/2018 20:22

Errrr.....Tell her you'd planned a tea but you don't mind if she's already got plans? How can you be hurt about her having made plans when she didn't know you wanted to do something? Unless mothers day is a big deal usually for you guys?

Whatevszz · 08/03/2018 20:22

I'd be hurt too OP

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 08/03/2018 20:23

Is the tea booked? Deposit paid? If so I would give her the option. If not then I wouldn’t mention it but ask to take her out on another day.

Thistlebelle · 08/03/2018 20:23

I think she gets to choose but I understand how you feel.

Perhaps tell her that you’d like to do something with her and your brother and ask her which day suits.

alltheworld · 08/03/2018 20:26

Are you me? Dm will never do anything without her boyfriend. She spends mother’s day With his mother.

Allthecoolkids · 08/03/2018 20:27

Well had you asked her to keep the time free? If not you really can’t blame her for doing something else!

danTDM · 08/03/2018 20:29

Your mother has the right to do what she wants, am I right in thinking you are over 30? Dear Lord!

Sirzy · 08/03/2018 20:32

This is why surprises for adults don’t work unless you know they are free

Give your mum a card with an iou/gift voucher for a meal together when it is convenient for you both

BettyBaggins · 08/03/2018 20:32

Speak to her b/f and get him in on the surprise tea?

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 08/03/2018 20:35

Thank you those who left kind answers. Yes we usually do something special for her for mothers day and yes I told her to keep it free as I wanted to see her. I don't live near her so don't get much chance to see her very often. I am over 30 but I am not a robot and do have emotions and do ACTUALLY care about my mum and spending time with her.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 08/03/2018 20:38

Could it be she wasn't expecting you to do anything for her as it's never happened in the past?

Would you normally go and see her hence you expecting she would be free on the day? Because otherwise you should have got her to be free on the day as you wanted to take her out.

I hope she's not one of those mums to moan that their children don't do anything....but at the same time make themselves unavailable.

Are you close to your mum?

SandyY2K · 08/03/2018 20:40

Cross posted.

I would feel upset too.

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 08/03/2018 20:41

Yes we always do something for her for mothers day and I did ask her to be free because my brother and I wanted to spend time with her. I don't live close to her so it's nice to spend time with her when we get the opportunity. Yes I am close to my mum and yes she is hard to pin down haha.

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 08/03/2018 20:43

Do you get on with her bf? My exh was incredibly jealous of my relationship with my dc and would have kept me away from them by asking me to do something on a day like mother's day if he thought I would fall for it....

TokenGinger · 08/03/2018 20:52

I’d be upset, too. Although I would still let her do as she pleases.

We spend mother’s day together every year so I’d be a bit gutted if she knew we’d plan something as we do every year and still she chose to put a new boyfriend she could see any time above seeing her children she doesn’t get much time with.

category12 · 08/03/2018 20:52

The clue is in the 'surprise' aspect. If you've booked something or spent a lot, then give her the option. If you haven't, just let it go.

Twofishfingers · 08/03/2018 20:55

I think you are right to be upset but there's nothing you can do about it. Just accept it. I know others on this board won't be on your side but I really do think that it's not right. How about you just send her lovely flowers with a card saying that you love her and hope she has a lovely day.

WhatWouldWallyDO · 08/03/2018 21:23

I’m interested to see others responses but I personally can’t see why you’re upset, you’re both adults, is it not up to your mother how she spends mother’s day?

Would you tell your kids that you didn't want to spend it with them?

WhatWouldWallyDO · 08/03/2018 21:25

I don't think yabu OP, it's not very nice. Really if you want your children to be around for you as you age and they get their own lives you have to be around for them too.

userxx · 08/03/2018 21:33

I'd be really quite upset if my mum binned me off to see a bloke. I'd also remind her that the care home she ends up in will be my final decision 😈

Freyanna · 08/03/2018 21:34

I would be hurt too. Flowers

headintheproverbial · 08/03/2018 21:34

I can't believe this post. How selfish are you???

NotTheFordType · 08/03/2018 21:59

Have you spoken to your mum and asked her?