Mum is spending mothers day with her boyfriend, what do I do?

[Debbierocket123]

Hi Mumsnetters :)

My brother (25) phoned me (31) today to tell me that my mum wants to spend mothers day with her boyfriend. She said she didn't want anything but wanted to spend the day with him instead. To be honest I am a little hurt because I'd planned a surprise tea. What should I do? Do I tell her the surprise or let her do what she wants? :( x

Sorry but you sound quite immature to be honest.

You sound like you’re trying to be one of those posters who love to have a go. Not seeing your point, tbh. The OP asked her mum ages ago to keep the time free. It’s not like the mum can’t see her bf all the time given she lives with him.

It’s a bit weird to refuse to spend time with your children who have always done this.

because you wanted to spend Mothers Day spoiling your Mother!

But it's not "spoiling" if Mother doesn't want to do it.

I would be disappointed and even a bit hurt, but I wouldn't tell her about the tea. I'd just let her have the day the way she wants it.

It’s not “spoiling” her to request her time and feel upset if she has other plans that specific day. Just do the thing you’re arranging at another time when it’s convenient for everyone.

Well I have adult dc and I can't imagine cancelling something with them in order to spend time with any bf, and certainly not on a significant date.

If she lives with him, she can see him any day.

If he's planned something special, well why, since it's Mother's Day and her dc had already arranged something.

The only way this is ok is if there is a genuine reason why he needs support on that day - recently lost his own mum for example.

Did your mum suggest another day to get together?

Otherwise it sounds like he's manipulating her away from her kids, as pp said.

I think Mother’s Day is complete tosh quite frankly..HOWEVER I would never reject my kids (whatever age) unless it was something I really couldn’t get out of.

You are neither selfish nor immature OP, you and your brother sound lovely.

Ignore the nasties on here, I’m sorry you’re upset

Sorry but what would you all rather the woman do?

Spend the day doing something she wants or spend it doing something she doesn't want out of guilt.

Yeah it's shitty of her but surely the whole point of Mother's Day is mothers doing what they want to do? Perhaps she just wants to please herself, nothing wrong with that. Why do you need a special day to prove how much she means to you?

Goldmonday, the OP doesn't live nearby, so she has to make special arrangements to see her mother. She told her a month ago that she wanted this to be the date. Her mother did not tell her then this would be inconvenient: she is telling her now, at short notice.

If you take the whole Mother's Day thing out of the equation, wouldn't you feel a friend who treated you this way was pretty flaky?

I feel for you Op, not sure why people are being so nasty - I would be hurt too.

As for whether you should tell her, that depends. You know that she would prefer to be with her boyfriend but if you tell her you had plans she will most likely come with you. So would you rather tell her and have a meal together knowing she’d rather be elsewhere or book something for another time?

For what it’s worth, my own mother is like this. Her new boyfriend took preference over all of her children, even as a fully grown adult with my own children I can’t pretend that it doesn’t upset me sometimes.