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Original poster

Mum is spending mothers day with her boyfriend, what do I do?

58 replies

Debbierocket123 · 08/03/2018 20:17

Hi Mumsnetters :)

My brother (25) phoned me (31) today to tell me that my mum wants to spend mothers day with her boyfriend. She said she didn't want anything but wanted to spend the day with him instead. To be honest I am a little hurt because I'd planned a surprise tea. What should I do? Do I tell her the surprise or let her do what she wants? :( x

OP posts:

Backtoblack1 · 08/03/2018 22:07

My mum has always been the same too. It hurts but at 42 I’m emotionally detached from her which makes me sad but it’s her fault.

Dozer · 08/03/2018 22:09

Yabu. Arrange to see her when it’s convenient for both of you.

Sallystyle · 08/03/2018 22:15

Oh please. The OP is hardly being selfish for wanting to spend mother's day with her mother. OP said she has already told her she wants to see her and they always spend the day together.

If my brother called me to tell me that our mum doesn't want anything and wants to spend it with her boyfriend instead, I would be disappointed too. That does not make the OP selfish. She can feel how she feels, what she does with it is a different matter.

Sallystyle · 08/03/2018 22:16

I can't believe this post. How selfish are you???

And just incase you missed it. This is not AIBU.

junebirthdaygirl · 09/03/2018 02:19

Mothers day is only a day. See your mum when it suits you both and your db too. That could be on a wet Saturday. It doesn't need to be on a day set up by whoever. It's better to have a dm who is independent than one who is crying because ye didn't make a big fuss on Mothers day. So see her regularly when it suits ye both. No need for surprises.

Pemba · 09/03/2018 03:02

Yes I would be a bit hurt too, she presumably can see her boyfriend any time she wants. I would just send a card though, and try not to dwell on it.

janaus · 09/03/2018 03:04

I have adult children too, and I want to spend time with them on mother’s day. I would be disappointed if they made other plans. She is your mother, of course you want to make her day special. Can you invite boy friend too?

HirplesWithHaggis · 09/03/2018 04:08

Why do you have to wait for a commercially-driven date like "Mothers's Day" (which is so far from the original "Mothering Sunday" as to be totally unrecognisable) for an opportunity to get together with your mum and brother?

I do see why your nose is out of joint, but as a mother of dc who are similar ages to you and your brother, if I had a new boyfriend (whose own availability might well be limited by family committments) who happened to want to take me out on the next available weekend day, I know where my preference would be.

And I also know that if one of my dc expressed disappointment re planned surprise I'd feel horribly guilty, cancel plans with the new bf, and smile sweetly and enthusiastically through the "surprise tea".

And make plans to fuck his brains out that evening

Addy2 · 09/03/2018 07:36

I see why you're upset, but do think that mothers should be allowed to spend mothers day the day they want to. Particularly once their children are grown. Isn't the point that they make sacrifices for their offspring all year, this is the day said offspring give something back and don't put their own desires and plans first, for once?

ImListening · 09/03/2018 07:44

So as I understand it you had plans with you mum & brother for mother’s day & now she’s saying she wants to spend it with her boyfriend. I would be hurt & upset too. Mother’s Day is not Boyfriend Day!

hotcrossbunsandtea · 09/03/2018 07:55

Nope, I would be hurt too. I would tell her you had something planned - she knows you wanted to see her and blew you off for her boyfriend. Not nice.

Original poster

Debbierocket123 · 09/03/2018 09:38

What part of this is selfish? I just wanted to know whether I should tell her what I had planned or not?

OP posts:

Slartybartfast · 09/03/2018 09:39

are you a mother op?

HRTpatch · 09/03/2018 09:43

hirples
Spot on

Original poster

Debbierocket123 · 09/03/2018 09:46

What part of this is selfish? I just wanted to know whether I should tell her what I'd planned?

OP posts:

Goldmonday · 09/03/2018 09:47

If she didn't know you had anything planned then I really don't see that she's done anything wrong, she can do what she wants.

Sorry but you sound quite immature to be honest.

Original poster

Debbierocket123 · 09/03/2018 09:49

She lives with her bf and none of us have much money so for this reason, we find it hard to see each other. We were under the impression that Mothering Sunday was a time to spoil your mum and show her how much she means to you. This is all coming from a loving place.

OP posts:

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 09/03/2018 09:51

That’s a shame as you had asked her to keep the time free. If you’ve booked somewhere, tell her and give her the choice. But it is supposed to be a day for her, not you.

Original poster

Debbierocket123 · 09/03/2018 09:52

Yes Goldmonday we told her a month ago we were making these plans and it's not just about me, her whole family were involved. Please don't through insults at people it just ends up making you look bad.

OP posts:

macbethh · 09/03/2018 09:59

Sallystyle · 09/03/2018 10:32

Sorry but you sound quite immature to be honest.

She really doesn't.

Only on MN are people accused of being immature because something has upset them. How you deal with hurt is what is important, but feeling hurt is never immature.

This is coming across like a AIBU thread with these type of comments.

Her mum knew in advance that OP and her family wanted to spend the day together. She then decided she wanted to spend it with her boyfriend, who she lives with instead. It is not immature to feel disappointed and hurt by that.

Yes, her mum can do what she likes, but I can't imagine choosing to spend the day with my partner, who I see daily over my children who I don't see very often, knowing that it is important to them to see me and that they were looking forward to it.

It's funny how the OP was accused of being selfish, but her mum's actions aren't.

WhatWouldWallyDO · 09/03/2018 12:58

If I posted an oP saying I didn't want to spend Mother's Day with my adult children because I wanted to see my boyfriend that I coudl see any day, I'd be called ever name under the sun.

MN just rips OPs apart now It's so boring.

Adora10 · 09/03/2018 14:08

Can't believe the crap you are getting OP, all because you wanted to spend Mothers Day spoiling your Mother!

I'd be hurt, I wonder why she's done that, it's not very nice, I think I'd say something to her though.

For those insulting the OP, go away please, you are clearly very unhappy and it shows!

Nesssie · 09/03/2018 14:17

Its not U that she wants to spend the day with her bf, but a bit odd imo.
It IS U that you asked her to keep the day free (therefore hinting you had something planned) and she has now made other plans. That would annoy me the same as if it had happened any other day of the year.

Shen0102 · 09/03/2018 14:31

It shouldn't take mothers day for you to set-up a surprise for her! mothers day should be every other day to be fair ..and just like birthday celebrations maybe she's grown out of celebrating mothers day. So you do need to get past this and reschedule the surprise to a time that suites you both

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