I'm never ever going to be able to get naked....or even put on a bikini :( in front of him....

[Minimeandcake]

I have been seeing a guy for 4 months. Before this I have been single for a very long time (married and divorced 5 years ago, 3dc's). Dated lots but not made it past the bedroom stage. Always thought it was because of how I looked without clothes.
I am trying to be more confident.....
As we are becoming more comfortable with eachother, it's at that stage where I feel anxious. I am a size 16 (A wobbly size 16), my boobs are yuck and my tummy is just, well, quite ugly. In clothes, I am comfortable and able to hide it.
I am becoming more and more embarrassed by my behaviour as I am overly conscious (lights out, lock the bathroom door, not getting completely naked, dressing in the bathroom), even when he cuddles me, I freeze a little.
This is even embarrassing typing it out.
Anyway, he talks about weekends away and even going on holiday. All the things I have wanted to do. The thing is, I just can't, it fills me with such dread and fear to the point I want to end it. I think, maybe being single is easier. I feel sad that I have done this to my body and now unable to be comfortable because of it.

Yes I agree GameChanger but honestly I wouldn't even meet up with a man who does those things now. Actually I've learned through bitter experience that if a man is good he won't actually make much reference to your appearance at all in the early days.

The men who early on went on about my looks and said I was gorgeous turned out to be bastards - all of them.

If a lot of men are that entitled, then fine, let them weed themselves out of the running by being that shallow. Bullet dodged every time. Cos that'll make them a shitty partners in other respects too.

Better alone than badly accompanied.

Some bloke takes a potshot at your self-worth should be an instant dump. Relationships are supposed to bring something positive to your life - a bloke is not a positive just by his existence.

Lovely to read all of your encouraging messages, thankyou. I'm sorry to read that there are others feeling how I do. It makes me sad.
Update : It was 7am so light outside but dimmed in the bedroom from the blinds. I was wearing a vest type pj top and underwear and desperately needed the loo. I could see my bottoms on the other side of the room and I thought to myself, either way, I have to get out of this bed. He was asleep (so I thought), so I thought count to 3 and get out of the bedroom pretty sharpish. He's asleep. 123 up out of bed then suddenly he turned to say 'morning'. Well, I walked so fast to that bedroom door, cringing every step of the way, knowing half my butt was on show (cringing typing this). Not sure how awake he was.
Panicking the whole time sat on the loo knowing I had to walk back in. When I did, he commented someting about how lovely I looked. I find that very hard to believe (because truly, not a nice site). Anyway, that's a start right? This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

The perfect start OP...and.... I mean this nicely of course, but who are you to tell him what he likes?!
Relax!!
Hope you get where I'm coming from

Well done!

Like I said - HE FANCIES YOU!!

He isn't seeing you through your eyes, but through his. Fake it! The confidence will come in time but until then, seriously, fake it
My ex once decided to buy me a fishnet bodystocking with "I think you'll look amazing in this"
In my head I thought I'll look like a bloody net of oranges. Anyway I put it on with some heels, and his jaw dropped. It was what he had imagined, not what I was seeing if that makes sense?
I'm a size 14/16 and part time plus size model. I fake all of my confidence, it took me ages to feel comfortable with a camera and I still hate non pro photos!

Good for you, Minime !!!

Minime 😂 the bloke fancies you as you are. Shove your paranoia in a box & lock it. He’s had his hands on your tummy, he knows it’s not a smooth washboard, he has eyes and presumably, being a grown man and all, he’s seen stretch marks before. He’ll make you feel a million dollars if you let him!

I’m a lot bigger & wobblier than you, I understand the fear factor. However, accept that he fancies you. He’s chosen you. Your body hasn’t changed since you met, he’s got no other reason to be with you other than the fact he wants to be (marriage, kids etc), you don’t have that worry that he wouldn’t be with you if he could start over.

You really, really, shouldn’t let a few stretch marks & jiggly bits stop you really enjoying your relationship with him & the lovely times you could be having. Life is too short. Don’t cancel on him. Go away with him. Shower with him. Don’t lose him over your insecurities.

Whey hey,well done :) 1st little trip to loo,next booking holidays...

Oh well done you...
And he just sounds gorgeous.. He fancies you, he compliments you and to him your bottom this morning was pretty good view to wake up to.
Agree that men see us differently then we see ourselves.
Keep working on being body positive... And allow yourself to enjoy this relationship

Op I’m so similar to you. Reading your posts makes me so emotional because I realize how cruel I am to myself. Sounds to me like he likes you very much. Let’s try to like ourselves and love ourselves more. I read something recently - a silly meme on the internet - but it stuck with me and it trying to live by it. ‘Love your whole body the way your mum loved your baby feet.’ I look st my own son (and his gorgeous little baby feet) and I dread to think he will grow up hating himself the way I have hated my self. He is so perfect. And there’s nothing about my body that makes me unlovable. I have to try to break the cycle and remember this.

Totally understand. Size 16 here and of course i would rather be thinner. I once saw a stunning young woman on holiday with fab figure but lots of celluite, so if its not one thing, its another.
Tricks of the trade
Wear underwear that makes the most of your assest - balcony bra?
Faketan makes evetyone look better-esp stretchmarks. Lots of DIY spray tans around at the moment
I wear some sexy 50's inspired bikinis- pretty colourful bikini tops ( forget tankini because they look like you are covering up) with high leg plain bottoms which keep wobbly tums under some control!

Your man sounds a keeper- get in the shower!

By the way, i once hugged a larger sized woman goodbye. She felt fantastic, all soft and comforting, and for the first time ever i could understand why some men might like larger women.