I'm never ever going to be able to get naked....or even put on a bikini :( in front of him....

[Minimeandcake]

I have been seeing a guy for 4 months. Before this I have been single for a very long time (married and divorced 5 years ago, 3dc's). Dated lots but not made it past the bedroom stage. Always thought it was because of how I looked without clothes.
I am trying to be more confident.....
As we are becoming more comfortable with eachother, it's at that stage where I feel anxious. I am a size 16 (A wobbly size 16), my boobs are yuck and my tummy is just, well, quite ugly. In clothes, I am comfortable and able to hide it.
I am becoming more and more embarrassed by my behaviour as I am overly conscious (lights out, lock the bathroom door, not getting completely naked, dressing in the bathroom), even when he cuddles me, I freeze a little.
This is even embarrassing typing it out.
Anyway, he talks about weekends away and even going on holiday. All the things I have wanted to do. The thing is, I just can't, it fills me with such dread and fear to the point I want to end it. I think, maybe being single is easier. I feel sad that I have done this to my body and now unable to be comfortable because of it.

He's with you because he want's to be. No-one is forcing him. I think you should tell him that you have a few self-confidence issues around being naked - email him if you can't say it face to face. But tell him that you are going to try really hard to overcome it.

Beach wear won't be that difficult. A swimsuit or tankini, a sarong (you don't have to take it off, you can lie down with it still around your waist), a loose and glamourous long floaty top for pulling over your swimsuit - sorted . I'm sure you look a lot better than you think you do.

Don't let this spoil what sounds like a nice relationship though. You are worth so much more than that.

film looks so funny. I love her. She looks absolutely amazing, size 16. I would get completely naked if I were her too.

Why do you think you can't or don't look amazing at a size 16 just like that actress?

The point of me posting that trailer was to show you that confidence in yourself matters more than appearance. She wears nice revealing clothes and makes no apologies for herself (and why bloody should she!).

She looks fabulous.

It is the hardest thing to do but try and take a leaf out of that book. Be confident and proud of your body.

Totally messed up the bolding there. How did I do that?!

I don't think this is about the actual size. I am a size 10 (used to be about 6-8) a few years ago and I feel like crap in front of my boyfriend. atm I am back to working out, watching what I eat, drinking tons of water and doing yoga every morning!

It s OUR problem because they love us as WE ACTUALLY ARE! (If you found the right person). Self esteem can be a bastard, dragging us down. I know, it s hard to love yourself when you re not skinny/have perfect skin/insert other stuff you think you re missing. But I sometimes think zo myself: if i m not gonna love me, then who is???

The film looks good but ... aren't you being asked to laugh at a very slightly overweight woman having the nerve to reveal her stomach?

As a Y-chromosome owner, I can confirm windchime's version of events: most of us are pretty much ecstatic to get the chance to see a woman that we care about in the nude, and appreciate that there is an inherent element of trust in that anyway - you are getting to see something that is a privilege, for lack of a better term. Don't forget that most guys have body hang-ups too, we just have the benefit of not being marketed to quite so aggressively in an attempt to make us feel bad about them. I'm sure he will be very happy with your physique, OP, unless he is a certified, card-carrying tosser - and in which case, he wouldn't deserve your time anyway and should be unceremoniously drop-kicked out of the front door.

Biggest turn on for men is confidence. It is actually that lack of confidence that will be impacting on him much more than anything else? Size is something that women fixate on because we have been conditioned by media to think that attractive equals slim and toned. This is just so wrong. It can be humour, kindness, intelligence, hair, eyes, touch, smile, dress sense etc etc that someone is attracted to.

Work on your confidence not your body. That’s the one thing that will help you no end. Next time he is there go for a shower and ask him to join you! He will love it!

I'm a size 8 and on the nearer age to 40,ive had a few(to say the least relationships) all quite handsome,toned men...anyway 8 months ago I met a guy,who from the start told me he had recently lost a load of weight(not my usual type of guy in general,but so sweet and made me laugh,so I thought why not),eventually 2 months ago he finally took his top off,and I was taken aback by his jiggly bits....but now I completely embrace them,cuddle into them,there absolutely not an issue..far from it,I adore him,all of him...no way would I consider chucking away this rare,kind funny courageous(know it took a lot for him to show me) man. Please don't hide,he's bound to have an idea already,the sooner your open with him,the sooner you can both go on yer holidays,enjoy special times together :)

I'm pretty sure he's totally aware of your body size and shape and is with you out of choice. I can so so relate to what you say but if he was going to be anything but pleased to be with you he would have been well gone by now.
I've always found the getting completely naked in broad daylight rather awkward too and have tended to keep a vest top and knickers on when out of bed

I don't think it is about your size or shape. It is an easy trap to fall into, thinking that you will be happier when you lose that stone or tone up. The reality is if you have an inner voice that is critical it will always find something to fixate on negatively.

I have in recent years bounced around the scales and have never noticed a difference in how DH responds to me sexually. He is much more responsive to me being happy and relaxed in the bedroom.

The film looks good but ... aren't you being asked to laugh at a very slightly overweight woman having the nerve to reveal her stomach?

Yes. There has been a bit of a back lash from over weight women about it.

But nonetheless I think the actress looks amazing and was just trying to show the OP that a size 16 does look fabulous. You just need confidence.

All men are not necessarily attracted to very slim women. Plenty like curvy women.

It's not really about him though, I know. You shouldn't throw this away over your lack of self confidence.

Personally I wouldn't tell him how vulnerable you feel about this because it becomes an issue and he might end up overcompensating and you feeling it's faked, or otherwise misjudging what to say. I would advise you to fake it til you make it, tbh.

I'd rather date someone kind, makes me laugh, cares, shares, great in and out of bed. Rather than someone who looks like a model and is unkind. Just think about what you are missing ??? Relax and enjoy yourselves

Cmon, he clearly fancies you. He also knows your size. He can see you, he has touched you, and he's fancies you. Your body isn't ugly, that's silly, it's just a normal body.

Do the low lighting if it helps, but hold on to the fact this is your issue, not his, he fancies you so try to be brave. Trust me, he's only going to be thinking positive things.

Good advice and encouragement here. Two other suggestions for mumbods.

1. Check your posture. Standing properly makes a big difference. Back to the wall, heels, bum and shoulder blades touching the wall. Breathe in, stick out your chest and lengthen your neck. Feel the difference!
2. Spray tan. Bigger bods always look better with some colour, and it blends in stretch marks and broken veins.

Check your posture when getting naked in bed with your partner :D

Mumbods indeed.

awww he isnt going to be expecting you to look like Elle McPherson when you suddenly take your clothes off.

I feel.the same with my DP of 25 years. Was a size 8 when we got together now a 14/16. He is the same size- in fact probably a bit leaner/more toned. When we first got together, we were talking about likes/dislikes - I said I preferred big men to skinny men (I would rather an obese man than a stick man) and he said "no way - opposite way round for me". It's always stuck with me and I just cannot let him.see me naked in the light now. We used to share bath/ shower but now I won't even let him in the bathroom if I'm in the bath. I hate it but I just can't show him. I've got cellulite on my stomach!

He asked to get in the shower with you? It sounds to me like this guy fancies you like mad just the way you are!

I’m guessing he’s not exactly Brad Pitt himself, and I’m sure he’s very well aware of this. In my experience, most men are so delighted to find themselves alone in a bedroom with a woman who may be willing to have sex with them that a few stretch marks or wobbly bits will be the very last thing on his mind....

Relax and enjoy .

I feel so sad from reading this thread. There are so many women hating on their own bodies when you could be enjoying them. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin.

I'm a size 16. I have a considerable mum tum, I have a lot of lipomas on my thighs and arms, my thighs are thick as, my least liked part of my body is my bingo wings.

I'm a sex worker. Men pay £150 to spend an hour with me. Not specifically because they "like curvy girls" - I see a lot of guys who going by their feedback also book young petite professionals too. They are attracted to me because they like my body confidence, or my sarcastic wit on Twitter, or they resonate with one of my blog posts ... Whatever.

OP honestly your man is not going to be put off by your wobbly bits. It sounds like he fancies you to death !

I honestly wish I could bottle my body confidence and give it away because it breaks my heart to hear women say "I've never let my DH see me naked" or "I always turn the lights off for sex".

As a quick aside, NotTheFordType in my head you're a petite blonde! I'm about a 14-16 now and it is an issue for me bit largely because there are so many awful things written on the internet by men talking about women who are size 12+. It's hard to believe that any of them more than tolerate it. I know my ex h was ashamed of the way I looked when I was a size 10 because I didn't look like a model/beautiful actress. We were together for 2 years before I met any of his friends because he was embarrassed.

But, Minime my current boyfriend really doesn't care. I am 'brave' with him because he tells me I'm beautiful. I fake the confidence and sex is really good.

I have done the whole trying to only be seen from more flattering angles thing but, when we are standing naked and hugging, I catch him looking at our reflection in the mirror. Far from being put off, he whispers to me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me.

He tells me I'm beautiful inside and out and he's not bothered about 'slim' - it doesn't mean anything to him. He wants to love and be loved by someone who accepts him as he is. Because most people have something about them they are self conscious about.

He's not an idiot. He knows you're not a size 8. It's not an issue for him. Be brave and see what happens...

Ford sorry meant to explain that you saying that has made me feel better. It is supposed to he the confidence that's attractive isn't it?

Can I just throw a word of caution in here though, based on my own recent and fairly horrible experience?

Not all men consider it a privilege to be with a naked woman or whatever - some are very visual and shallow. Just make sure you're with the right one before you remove any clothing OP. I recently escaped a hideous sexless marriage and started dating someone who found my face and clothed body stunning, who had a lot in common with me and we got on so so well. Fast forward to him seeing my stretch marked size 14 body complete with double section overhang and the weird lymphatic thing I have going on that makes my inner legs wobbly from thigh to ankle, and he could not hide the disappointment in his face. I felt like shit and still do, and was dumped by text the next day. I don't believe all this 'he won't care' rubbish and I'm sorry but I never will

I certainly won't have the confidence to undress in front of anyone ever again so I'm here after a near celibate 15 year marriage looking at a celibate future. I'm 45 and wake up most mornings wishing I was dead to be honest.

That’s sad snootiest but I know what you mean. I think it’s a myth that men or women for that matter wouldn’t care what’s under the clothes.

I do think it helps if you know someone well and already have feelings for them.

snootiest

Have shed a tear reading your post. I can relate to pretty much all of it, except I am way larger than you.

I suppose you can only chalk it up to experience and not let one man's opinion colour your confidence.

I'm too scared to date. Too minging. I tell myself daily that I'm not, but it's not being 'received'

I keep consoling myself that I am brave; brave enough to end a shite marriage therefore I absolutely refuse to tolerate crap from any random bloke I barely know.

How's that for a confusing mindset?!?!?