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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think ex is lying about cancer

61 replies

Whiskeyqueen · 28/02/2018 21:05

Bit of back story.. I broke up with my ex 2 years ago. He was violent, controlling and just generally all round abusive. We have two children together that he sees at the weekend. I am now with someone else and we have a child together, everything is fine in my new relationship but ex is relentless in trying to stop it ( multiple calls to ss, badmouthIng boyfriend to our children etc)

So ex rang me Tuesday afternoon to say he had a phone call to get to the hospital urgently, apparently he had a mri scan a few months ago and they'd found an anomaly. They were even going to send him there in a ambulance. I smelt a rat but gave him the benefit of the doubt.
He rang at 7 to say he'd had on test done but needed some more and the doctors were hinting towards it being cancer in his brain and lungs
He then rang at 11 to say all was fine it was just a lump Hmm
He rang today when a friend was round so I put the phone on speaker so she could hear and he came out with all sorts of stuff about how he'd had to have lots of different blood tests, swabs taken from his mouth armpits and even bum crack Confused . He also said that although these 'lumps' didn't seem 'dangerous' they could turn into something and the doctor recommended he try not to get stressed out or do anything that could raise his blood pressure. He also got abit upset that I'm not being supportive.
He's now just rang again(!) To say the lump on his brain is an anurism and he needs to have a operation on Monday at a different hospital. He keeps saying that if he does die atleast he'll be out of my hair.
What the hell am I meant to make of all this? He has form for lying such as the time he tried to convince me Brian harvey from E17 was his uncle to his secret cocaine habithe but this takes the biscuit.

OP posts:
S0ph1a · 28/02/2018 21:39

I think you should stop talking to him on the phone. And only answer his emails or texts if they are about the children.

Risen · 28/02/2018 21:47

swabs taken from his mouth armpits and even bum crack Hmm

I'm no Dr. but surely they would get him to pass a stool or have a colonoscopy rather than 'swab' his rear end? I could be wrong, though...

Risen · 28/02/2018 21:49

He has form for lying such as the time he tried to convince me Brian harvey from E17 was his uncle

Grin Why do they do it?! Hmm

midnightmisssuki · 28/02/2018 21:50

I think you should just keep contact about children and nothing else. He is your ex - tell him that’s all you want to talk about in the future.

meditrina · 28/02/2018 21:56

Either he's lying his arse off, or he's garbled a real story because it all sounds very wrong. But sometimes, a symptom flips into worrying rapidly and it's such a confusing time that people's or do make mistakes.

Brain op means several days stay. Ask which hospital and which ward, and for him to tell ward staff they can talk to you about his condition. Because once fit for visitors, you can bring the DC there to see him there (tell him you may need to discuss how much you tell the DC of his prognosis once it is known, but it would be wrong to keep his hospitalisation from them)

This means that if he is ill, you have behaved impeccably. And if he's being an arse, it should speed along the point when that becomes unavoidably apparent.

Cherryberrypie · 28/02/2018 22:03

Don't let him take the kids at the weekend. If he did have an aneurism, he could have a stroke/drop dead in an instant. His health is his business, let him sort it out.

TolchockLovelyInTheLitso · 28/02/2018 22:06

Speaking as someone with a brain tumour, this sounds like grade A bullshit. Virtually everything he has said is incorrect. The arse crack thing alone is barking.

SandyY2K · 28/02/2018 22:10

I'd be asking if he's told his next of kin i.e. parents/siblings.

Only if I had conclusive proof he'd told them would I come close to believing him.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 28/02/2018 22:11

Does he drive, OP? Surely if he is ar risk of an aneurysm, he'd have to surrender his license?

www.gov.uk/brain-aneurysm-driving

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/02/2018 22:23

When my son had an MRI we got the results immediately. That might not happen to everyone but I'm sure they don't wait several months and then send an ambulance to collect you. Why the hell would they do that?!

He's lying through that swabbed arse, OP. Don't believe a word of it.

sleepingdragon · 28/02/2018 22:27

The swab thing is to test for MRSA, it is done as part of a pre operation assessment and possibly other times before a planned hospital admission- swabs are taken from underarms, groin area and inside of mouth and tested to check you dont carry mrsa

Gemini69 · 28/02/2018 22:28

my Child had an MRI two weeks ago.. we are still awaiting the results Flowers

TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 28/02/2018 22:28

'ok. thanks for the info'.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/02/2018 22:29

I hope your results are good, Gemini. Flowers

iVampire · 28/02/2018 22:34

If you are not urgent for MRI your images go in to the ‘non urgent’ queue and can take 2-3 weeks

That’s not the iffy bit (IME of cancer referrals). My bing-bong is no mention of biopsy of any of his lumps.

Call his bluff - take it all very seriously. Refuse to let him drive icw DC and kept asking if he’x surrendered his licence yet.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 28/02/2018 22:38

It sounds like balls. DH has lung cancer and it was diagnosed by PET scan, biopsy and exploratory op. Not by a swab of a sweaty arse crack ffs. Plus you don't get a lump with lung cancer (and I wouldn't have thought with an aneurysm). You get an internal mass that is initially identified by MRI and then followed up by PET scan. Eurgh.

CherryMaDeary · 28/02/2018 22:43

the time he tried to convince me Brian harvey from E17

Thanks for the laugh OP Grin

Steeley113 · 28/02/2018 22:45

Swabs sound like MRSA swabs done on admission to hospital. There is probably some truth to it all, but who knows how much is true/made up/embellished.

TheInvisiblePieceofShit · 28/02/2018 22:47

Im just wondering if we have any Drs on here able to tell us which cancer can be diagnosed by an arse crack or armpit swab?

Not a Dr myself. No medical training at all actually but is bet a tenner on bullshit or perhaps just a shitty swab!

Cantbelievethis123 · 28/02/2018 22:48

I'm a nurse. We do swab patients but nose throat and groin. Never have I ever had to swab someones arse crack. Neither would an ambulance be sent if the patient is relatively young, mobile and able to get themselves to the hospital themselves. He sounds like he's spinning you a line to gain some sympathy. Don't let him manipulate you

Steeley113 · 28/02/2018 22:50

@Cantbelievethis123 I’m a nurse and you swab the perineum, not the groin if you’re doing it correctly. Which is essentially the arse crack Grin

eggncress · 28/02/2018 22:53

Sounds such a mixed up story, bound to be a lie.
If he had a brain aneurysm should not be driving as pp said. But how can this be confused with lung cancer?HmmCall his bluff for now and go along with it. You should be more supportive OP... at least offer to tell his family for him and arrange to let the DVLA know !

HappyHedgehog247 · 28/02/2018 22:54

I have an abusive ex. All communication is by email unless it is time sensitive about the DC in which case it is text. I have set his expectations that I may take up to 7 days to respond (this gives me time to cool down or think through a response). If it's not about the DC I don't respond. I don't answer the phone unless we are about to do a handover and something like train is late. You have the power to choose how much you let this man into your life. x

Ellapaella · 28/02/2018 22:55

Different hospitals swab different areas for MRSA, I've worked at several different trusts over last 15 years and they all swab different places! Some swab groin, some do swab perineum. That part of the story could be true.
But.. he's your ex and if he has bad form just don't respond in any way other than to say 'thanks for letting me know'

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 28/02/2018 22:58

If someone made false allegations to ss about me, there's no way I would be letting them have my dc every weekend or be takking to them on the phone, ever.
Why are you doing this?

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