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Original poster

Think ex is lying about cancer

61 replies

Whiskeyqueen · 28/02/2018 21:05

Bit of back story.. I broke up with my ex 2 years ago. He was violent, controlling and just generally all round abusive. We have two children together that he sees at the weekend. I am now with someone else and we have a child together, everything is fine in my new relationship but ex is relentless in trying to stop it ( multiple calls to ss, badmouthIng boyfriend to our children etc)

So ex rang me Tuesday afternoon to say he had a phone call to get to the hospital urgently, apparently he had a mri scan a few months ago and they'd found an anomaly. They were even going to send him there in a ambulance. I smelt a rat but gave him the benefit of the doubt.
He rang at 7 to say he'd had on test done but needed some more and the doctors were hinting towards it being cancer in his brain and lungs
He then rang at 11 to say all was fine it was just a lump Hmm
He rang today when a friend was round so I put the phone on speaker so she could hear and he came out with all sorts of stuff about how he'd had to have lots of different blood tests, swabs taken from his mouth armpits and even bum crack Confused . He also said that although these 'lumps' didn't seem 'dangerous' they could turn into something and the doctor recommended he try not to get stressed out or do anything that could raise his blood pressure. He also got abit upset that I'm not being supportive.
He's now just rang again(!) To say the lump on his brain is an anurism and he needs to have a operation on Monday at a different hospital. He keeps saying that if he does die atleast he'll be out of my hair.
What the hell am I meant to make of all this? He has form for lying such as the time he tried to convince me Brian harvey from E17 was his uncle to his secret cocaine habithe but this takes the biscuit.

OP posts:
averageguy1 · 01/03/2018 00:16

I had a unexpected MRSA screening before a Knee op ..nose , armpits and very sweaty arse crack ( it was August and been working all day) by a much younger than myself nurse , i was so mortified when she told me to go i went into the broom cupboard instead of the exit door .

Probably doesnt offer you any advise but its a day i will never forget...

ReggaetonLente · 01/03/2018 00:25

It sounds like he’s taken a load of true stories/experiences from people he’s known and garbled them into his own, extended false one. A standard trick of established liars ime.

My ex told me he’d had a stroke a couple of days after I left him, it was all bullshit designed to get sympathy and to make me return. I did not.

SandyY2K · 01/03/2018 00:40

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds
If someone made false allegations to ss about me, there's no way I would be letting them have my dc every weekend or be talking to them on the phone, ever.

Because he has a legal right to see his children.

Regardless of his lies...he's the father of the children and unless he's been abusive to them...you can't deny access.

Children aren't possessions.

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 04:15

OP doesn't say ge has has the kids every weekend, just that he sees them. It could be for a few hours. Why should he get to have them EW anyway.

RebootYourEngine · 01/03/2018 05:01

If he is as ill as he is making out i would not let him see the sc on his own as that would not be safe.

Depending on my mood i would either ignore him if he talks about anything other than the dc or i would do as a previous poster suggested and be all in his face and caring, see if he puts a foot wrong. Ask him what hospital/ward, does his family know, who is his next of kin, aa the mother of his dc would the hospital staff discuss his treatment with you etc. All those things will show him for being a liar if he is lying

DeniseBest · 01/03/2018 05:09

Out of all the people you could lie about being your uncle.... Brian Harvey?
I'd say there is something wrong with him for that alone but I'm not sure what.

ShackUp · 01/03/2018 05:32

OP BrianHarvey is the Prince amongst men who managed to run himself over with his own car. So being related to him doesn't help your exDH's case Grin

Omgineedanamechange · 01/03/2018 05:45

Pfft, my ex was diagnosed with brain cancer and given three months to live in one gp appointment apparently. Oddly enough, he’s still alive 30 years later, despite being given three months at least twice more since.

Isetan · 01/03/2018 06:30

He wants your attention and he’s getting it. If his behaviour starts affecting your children then get involved, otherwise stop giving oxygen to his pathological need for your attention.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/03/2018 06:42

Why are your children seeing him at all?. If he is too difficult for you to deal with, its the same deal for your children as well. They need positive role models, not abusive ones and this man is still trying to control you even though you have separate from him. I call BS re his health problems, its being done to further control and worry you.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 01/03/2018 07:49

@Sandy Actually, he doesn't have rights, he has responsibilities. The children are the ones with rights. Falsely reporting their mother to ss in order to destabilise their home life is abusive behaviour. I'd fight access toth and nail under these circumstances.
Even if OP had been back to court and this level of contact was being legally enforced, there is nothing that can force her to speak to him on the phone and listen to all his bs.
I don't get why she is still doing this.

Lovemusic33 · 01/03/2018 08:01

Remind him that you are his ex, you have no responsibility for him, the only connection you have are the children so he has no right to phone you looking for sympathy, just because he’s ill it doesn’t make him a nice person.

Ask him to stop calling unless it’s regaurding the children. He sounds like a controlling ass hole.

elisenbrunnen · 01/03/2018 09:02

I think I'd just keep agreeing with him - if he has a lump/cancer/aneurysm he would at least be out of your hair... Grin

Just say 'what a shame' (or not) and ignore.

Original poster
Whiskeyqueen · 01/03/2018 09:43

I'm quite confident with his parenting bar the badmouthIng incident as are social services after his assessment and the judge ruled in the child arrangements order he should have contact every weekend.
To be fair no I shouldn't be talking to him and have been really firm the past few weeks that the only time we should speak is if it's something about the kids, he then started texting me to say there was an emergency and it turned out the eldest had left his spare pair of glasses at his Hmm then he rang because he had a urgent problem... turned our one of the kids mice had died and we needed to talk about how to tell them. The next day the mouse had made a full recovery.
So yeah this does seem to be a escalating pattern of bullshit but it's just the 2% chance that it's true that has got to me because obviously if it's true it will affect my children and if it's bollocks then I will be questioning his state of mind

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 01/03/2018 09:51

In that case I'd block his number and just unblock when he has the kids. That works for my friend, who is subjected to all sorts of bs from her ex.
I'd go back on court about access every weekend - does it not make life very restricted for you? You get all the hard work of mon to fri and he is getting all the fun downtime. What if you want to go away for the weekend?

Clutterbugsmum · 01/03/2018 10:08

He keeps saying that if he does die at least he'll be out of my hair. I would have replied oh good I keep my fingers crossed Grin'. But seriously I would demand the details of time, where and what hospital this "operation" is taking place so you can double check can talk the children about it. I fully expect this urgent operation will be cancelled at the last moment and for the foreseable future.

elisenbrunnen · 01/03/2018 11:20

if it's true it will affect my children and if it's bollocks then I will be questioning his state of mind WHY do you think he's doing this? To get back with you? To get back AT you? For sympathy?

If it's true it will affect your dc whether you beleive him or not. Is he suggesting you do something for him when he spins this BS?

If it's bollox (It's total bollox BTW) and you question his state of mind - what then?

You can't do anything for him either way. That's why he should be blocked.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 01/03/2018 11:29

Sounds like he is too mentally unstable to have unsupervised contact tbh. I would speak to your solicitor and tell ex you are going back to court - and you have a good undertakers number, does he want you to refer him for a funeral plan?

Zoflorabore · 01/03/2018 11:36

The mouse with nine lives... hmmm he is good I give you that.

If this was so urgent then he would be admitted and operated on straight away.
People are not just left with an aneurysm. However much of a twat they are.

Call his bluff Grin

Thebluedog · 01/03/2018 11:42

Find out what hospital he’s supposed to be doing to the. Ring them the day of his op and ask what ward he’s on. They will tell you. I did this with an ex who had form for similar things. They won’t give you details but they will tell you which ward so you’ll know he’s there.

SandyY2K · 01/03/2018 11:46

the judge ruled in the child arrangements order he should have contact every weekend

^...^...^

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds
Actually, he doesn't have rights

Enough said.

PippinOrange · 01/03/2018 11:49

I would review things with a solicitor.

He was violent, controlling and abusive (but courts gave him access every weekConfused).
False claims to SS.
Saying pets are dead when they're not.
Saying he has cancer (when he hasn't).

He sounds completely unhinged.

The solicitor might have suggestions / recommendations re. access and also help you to draft a letter to re-assert (legal and personal) boundaries.

I'd say avoid phonecalls at all costs as others have suggested. Only communications in writing.

PippinOrange · 01/03/2018 11:51

Also I wouldn't engage with him personally, calling his bluff, etc. You want to keep away from the jerk, not get dragged in further.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/03/2018 11:56

Has anyone let Brian know?

Saladd0dger · 01/03/2018 12:00

Tell him to lay off the coke

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