Anyone else can't afford to live with their dp?

[malificent7]

I have been with dp for over two years...im besotted and want to stay with him always.
Only thing is i am hoping to retrain in a good career in September. If we move in together i will loose universal credit and he will have to shoulder the financial burden which i don't want and it will put strain on us.
At the moment he lodges and has a bargain of a deal ...if he moved in he'd pay twice as much.
This arranfement would suit me but gere is the silly bit...other females also lodge there.

Now i trust him 199 percent. There is only one other lodger at a time but it takes me a whike for me to trust the other woman and then i feel safe. The current female lodger has her own bf and us moving on soon but there will be another lodger for me to trust etc after...the landlord and lady are away during term time so it's just dp and other lodger.
I think the issue is that i want to be a unit with dp. I want to be the female sharing his space, i want to be the one he shares a kitchen and bathroom with.

So wwyd...retrain for a good career and put off living together for 3 years or give up retrainig and soldier on in a failing career that grinds you down so you can live with dp.

None of this would even be an issue if i had a rich husband. Id be encouraged go stay at home "for the children." but id be bored!
what are you ranting about? I'd never encourage anyone to stay at home- people should do what they want to do, and if they can't, they should do what works for their family.
You have a 9yo, why would you need to stay home ?

You aren't 'earning benefits'

But exactly which benefits can an adult claim if they work PT anyway? You are letting yourself down

I hope posters realise that the country is on its knees because of international banking fuckups and multinationals and super rich bleeding us dry, rather than the OP!
Such spiteful venomous posts

he was so proud when i got my radiology interview

Are you doing radiology or radiography?

Do you really teach children? Surely not. Teachers have to have a certain level of maturity, no?

Because none of us with “rich husbands” have had them for our entire lives and some of us worked full-time for most of our adult lives because we had to and wanted to.

OP, you do know you most likely won’t be entitled to UC if you’re studying full time?

Even if you aren’t living with your partner

When your do took the decision to work from home and earn ‘not much’, did he also reduce his child Maintenance payments? I cant imagine him having the child 50/50 in shared accomodation.

@Charley50 if you think OP is the only person in this country carefully planning their life around maximising state assistance then you are sadly deluded.

Banking had a part to play in the financial problems, as did opening our borders, and selling our gold reserves cheap, and selling off council housing without building more, and filling our skills gaps with the short term solution of taking other countries' qualified workers, and a million other issues.

Everything added together got us to where we are now; it's how we deal with it both as a nation and responsible individuals that will decide the outcome.

Some time ago I did, for one half of one millisecond, consider leaving DH so that I could gain support for further education and better housing chances than we could afford privately together. For only that half a millisecond, before realising that I'm a responsible adult and it's really not on for me to take money that would be far better spent on those in actual need.

Deciding your future based on your ability to squeeze more free stuff from the state, after having spent part of £16+k on frivolous things is, IMHO, a bloody disgusting way to behave and certainly not a very good example to set your child, let alone other people's children if they are in your care.

I most certainly work full time. Have done since son was 12 weeks old because at that point it was 12 weeks maternity leave post birth , with no pay thereafter and no rights to your job being kept open. I most definitely don't have a rich husband and have never been in a position not to work. In my first marriage with 2 children under 8 I did 23 hours a week until we divorced. If you don't want to teach then fair enough, as you only do 9 hours a week though, why not find something else for another 12 hours for example until you start your course, then if partner came to live with you it would be more do-able surely. I don't think many of us mean to sound spiteful OP, but its quite hard to be mega sympathetic if you say you cant afford to be together but only work 9 hours and don't have a very young child. If you can teach then you are obviously intelligent and hence could do other things I am sure. Is it because (like someone who worked for me said) unless she earnt £26k it wasn't worth her while to work full time because she lost all her housing benefit and indeed any benefits at all?? She too was on her own with a 12 year old. Personally I think the benefits system needs to make it far more conducive to be in work than it is, at the moment it seems (particularly if you are on your own with a child/children) to conspire against making it worth the while, apart from improving a CV.I wonder if your partner is a bit reluctant (even bearing in mind the money) because he thinks he might end up paying for a lot.

Username - of course I don't think that the OP is the only one doing this. However I can't bring myself to have a massive problem with it, when I see extortionate rents paid by councils to private landlords, or taking up over half of peoples take home pay, pays cuts for every type of job, the stresses that teachers and pupils are put under, zero hours contracts blah blah blah.
Maybe if the housing situation in this country wasn't in the state it is in, the OP would be able to afford to live with her DP. Maybe if teaching wasn't so pressurised and stressful she would like to stay in the profession. She did say she worked longer hours before.
The NHS NEEDS radiographers. Why shouldn't the training be free, like it used to be?

I wouldn't bother retraining for a career you have no idea if you will like or even stick too. You don't seem to stick at anything for very long.

You blew an inheritance, threw away a career as it was too much like hard work so realistically you would be far better getting a job rather than waste more years on benefits studying for something that requires hard work. You had a child that needs providing for, eight hours work isn't going to do that or quitting when life gets hard.

As for the partner, if it was love you would both have taken the next step rather than want to keep your benefits. I'd work all hours to live with a partner I loved.

In honesty I wouldn't commit three years to a Radiography degree at this point. Financial hardship, limiting your relationship and life, and I think Radiography will have many stresses as a career. NHS hugely over stretched, rota gaps, worsening rather than getting better. I don't think the outcome will justify the three years of training at this point in your life. Are there any ways you can make teaching work as a career for you? Or any careers which don't need such a long training?

@malificent7 He dosnt earn a lot as he took a decision to work from home to help with his dd but that will all change when ge gets older....total keeper!

Which is it? He's a lodger in a shared house of he looks after his dd?
"Took the decision...", oh god sorry love, but you have been royally had here. I bet he can't wait for you to get this well paying job, can he.

Why don't you try supply teaching? Much fewer than 60 hours a week. There's no reason for you to only work 9 hours. And if you can't cope with teaching, do you think you can cope with the rigours of a full on degree course?

I was surprised you said you were 40. Your boyfriend sounds like a waster and I can only assume you have quite low self esteem to chase a man who lives in one room in a shared house and quit his job to look after his non resident child. That makes me a bit shuddery.

Be aware OP that NHS radiography is at the very least 37.5 hours a week and with on calls and weekend duties (which as a junior radiographer you will be expected to do) is probably more like 45-50 hours.

One thing that struck me OP, you say you are 'ambitious' but then also you'd prefer 'not to work'. I'm not criticising you - its just a puzzling and conflicting presentation of your motives.

I don't know anything about NHS radiography, but I suspect its hard work. Like teaching it probably requires commitment and stamina (and as another poster said referring to her radiography friend, this can become a problem as one gets older). This is fine for people who have both, but do you? Not everyone does. I myself would love to teach but just couldn't because of the physical and mental stamina required. Perhaps there is a way to make teaching work for you, tutoring, supply, since you at least have this qualification etc. but I do think you have to 'love' children in some way to make it work.