Anyone else can't afford to live with their dp?

[malificent7]

I have been with dp for over two years...im besotted and want to stay with him always.
Only thing is i am hoping to retrain in a good career in September. If we move in together i will loose universal credit and he will have to shoulder the financial burden which i don't want and it will put strain on us.
At the moment he lodges and has a bargain of a deal ...if he moved in he'd pay twice as much.
This arranfement would suit me but gere is the silly bit...other females also lodge there.

Now i trust him 199 percent. There is only one other lodger at a time but it takes me a whike for me to trust the other woman and then i feel safe. The current female lodger has her own bf and us moving on soon but there will be another lodger for me to trust etc after...the landlord and lady are away during term time so it's just dp and other lodger.
I think the issue is that i want to be a unit with dp. I want to be the female sharing his space, i want to be the one he shares a kitchen and bathroom with.

So wwyd...retrain for a good career and put off living together for 3 years or give up retrainig and soldier on in a failing career that grinds you down so you can live with dp.

Do you have DC?

Why are you claiming benefits if you're a qualified teacher.

I know a radiographer. She is struggling physically due to the physical nature of the job. And also being on call at weekends. And not having long holidays. And the extra workload due to nhs cuts.

Can yo go to 4 days and mark on the fifth? That would hive you enough money to live together surely? At 40 you should be ups3.

What does your boyfriend do for a living?

So, if I've got this right - you are a qualified teacher but can't hack teaching so only work part time and claim top up benefits. As you are 40, did you benefit from free university the first time you got your degree?

Now you think that you should remain on benefits so that you can get another free (or heavily subsidised) degree, so that you can try a new job you are passionate about - what happens if you then cannot handle that job (I assume you were passionate about teaching; not many enter the profession on a whim).

It's really no wonder this country doesn't have enough money to go round, if that's the mentality of those who are teaching our children - stay on benefits so you can get more free stuff

username...do you teach or work for the NHS?

Why dont you teach if you think you could do better? think of all those lovely holidays.Teachers are leaving as they cant hack it for good reason....classes of 30, 60 hour weeks...being bullied...go on...try it.What is YOUR contribution...perhaps i could try your job!.

Go on...do share...im up for ideas!!

Tbh i have no idea why im trying to justify myself on here....to non teachers aswell!! I did ft but lost the other job due to cuts actually.

"Never sacrifice your career for a man. "

I did this once - what an absolute numpty!!!!

All it meant was I am now doing the stuff in much more difficult circumstances that I could have been doing 15 years ago!

Don't sacrifice training for your new career for the sake of moving in with your partner.

Im a teacher. I dislike it immensely. I dont want to lose my weekends so i work four days a week and mark on my day off. I stay at work until between 6 and 7 on a normal week four days. Obviously, data weeks / report weeks / ofsted is a longer day.

Do you know any radiographers? And have you spoken to them about the job?

What do you teach?

What does your boyfriend do as a career?

Malificent - wow, I hope you're not a teacher in my local area with an attitude like that!

You came on a public forum and asked basically whether you should stay on benefits so you could train for a(nother) professional career, or move in with a BF you 199% trust but don't trust anyone else anywhere near him.

BTW, if you move in with him you won't necessarily lose benefits, and he won't have to "shoulder the financial burden" of your education - you are an adult and can take responsibility for yourself.

As regards your current job, "Full time is insustainable", "Teaching makes me profoundly unhappy" or "I did ft but lost the other job due to cuts actually" - which is it? And again, what if radiography makes you profoundly unhappy too? Maybe you should try to find happiness in a more broad sense; work on your self esteem and don't assume that every other female wants to lure your BF away; find something outside of your work that makes you joyous; love yourself and build on your support network. The few hours a day that you spend in a classroom are the smallest part of your day.

No, I'm not a teacher, and I don't work for the NHS although I'd dearly love to. I work in the public sector and unfortunately DH (reasonable salary) and I (just over minimum wage) earn too much to claim benefits and get a free degree, so I prioritised making the best of what I had and enjoyed raising my children and finding hobbies to make me happy outside of the hours I sit in an office and do something pretty boring

Just had a look at your previous thread about inheritance.

Your DF gave you an inheritance in excess of £16k from what I can see, and firstly you complained that he hadn't "helped you enough", and then when your benefits stopped you spent it on rent (quite right, you could afford to pay it!), "a lot" on frivolous clothes and jewellery, a £2k course which you didn't complete, some furniture, foreign holidays and your kittens. It didn't occur to you that might have been a good time to pay for your education, when you had enough money to support yourself for a decent period of time?

Maybe you need to start to take more responsibility for yourself, and stop expecting your DF, DP, and the rest of the taxpayers in this country, to keep bailing you out.

Does your ex pay maintenance? That should be a priority, and will help you gain some financial stability if it's at all a possibility. That might also give you some breathing space to work out what you really want to do and need to do to achieve it, without getting constantly wound up on the internet because people don't agree with you!

Sorry, apologies, I assumed the inheritance was from your DF, I think that it wasn't but you just wanted more money from him on top of the modest (to whom is £16k modest??) inheritance.

username I'm no Daily Mail reader (quite the opposite), but I do have sympathy with your points.

OP, I think you are going to be sadly mistaken if you think other jobs are going to be easier or more rewarding than your 9 hours a week teaching plus benefits top up. I think you would find a full time radiography job hard work, tiring and without the holidays and lots of time to yourself etc. before you put yourself through expense etc, I would seriously think if you actually 'want' a full time job because financially it may be you wouldn't be considerably better off.. Teaching is hard going yes , but not at 9 hours a week it isn't . I know someone (single parent) who sat and worked out that she couldn't have anyone live with her at all unless they earnt at least £30,000 a year because of what she would lose and I accept in your case he may be less well off if he moved in with you, but surely if 'love' is coming into it, you don't sit and count if you might be slightly worse off, because he has to factor in he is living like a student at the moment which is a bit sad on a guy of a certain age unless it was for very short term having just split up etc.

usernamealreadytaken you can get funding for second degrees if they arescience degrees without means testing. Would mean something like OU as you work but just a random none thread related thought if you wanted to retrain.
I am admittedly one of those awful people retraining in their 30's who will have student loans til I die but as I can't work atm I figure productivity to get into a good job is defendable

Focus on the career you want. If your relationship is worth it, it will stand the test of time. My dh and I didn’t live together until about 4 months before we got married. Before that we were in uni/finishing postgrad degrees. I lived alone but he lived with flat mates (1 guy and 2 women). It was the best possible arrangement and meant we both finished our degrees.

Also I've give up my training to live with you is HUGE pressure.

@SleepingStandingUp thank you for the information, it's kind of you to take the time! Unfortunately I don't think that would work for me, as I'd like to train as a nurse and not sure I could do that through OU 😂 Also, lovely of you to assume I already have a degree and this would be my second - I was never fortunate enough to be able to go to university before, so am only educated to A-level equivalent and industry specific qualifications.

Your advice re OU might help OP though; not sure whether some or all of the radiography could be done via that avenue?

Are you sure radiography will offer a 35 hour work week in practice? I have met radiographers who have left through stress and overwork.

I'm sure it has it's benefits, but is it worth three years of training?? Can you make teaching work somehow?

How many schools have you tried, OP? Some are significantly less work - intensive than others in my experience.

I know a couple of radiographers who retrained from another career. Their course involved on the job practical training in the hospital. Their job involves working long shifts days and nights. I would expect you to work full time in the future and support yourself.

I would postpone living together until you have secured a full time job

You also need to think how you are going to fund your retirement

I also know people who have retrained at age 50+ for another career

I gave up my career and very decent salary so me and DH could live together. The alternative was for him to give us his and as his job was far, far better paid and in a more interesting place to live, it wasn’t a difficult decision. We don’t regret it for a minute.

TBH it doesn’t sound like either of you care enough about each other for it to work, and it certainly doesn’t sound like you trust him at all. If you did, it would work itself out.

My opinions on people using subsidies and benefits to top up salaries when they could get a FT job has been echoed by others on here so I don’t need to bring it up.

I know radiography isnt an easy option but i know that id rather be in a team of adults than as a crowd controller of 30 young adults.

A desk job sounds easy...nsorry but it does. Boring but easier than teaching. Perhaps i should do a desk job instead....but i am ambitious and woildnt be happy.

Where the fuck does inheritance come into it??? That was a different point of my life, when i was teaching, no dp and very depressed. Before i decided what i wanted to do....

I dont get the attitude " what if the next job is tough?" Talk about not trying....well i will get a boring desk job then.

But as i found out from my university interv8ew the other day...the nhs are crying out for radiigraphers and the contracts are permanent. Thwy are not leaving as teachers are but the shifts are longer (24 hours) and they need more cover.

None of this would even be an issue if i had a rich husband. Id be encouraged go stay at home "for the children." but id be bored!

You need to think carefully before you do this course. It may be just as stressful as teaching. And the course itself will be hard work. Are you sure you're ready for this. Full time in a busy hospital is a big step up from nine hours a week teaching.

Well im not happy with 9 hours teaching....it dosnt pay enough and i like to work ft...
Dp would hate me to give up work for him....he's a keeper...he is encouraging of any work i do ...from teaching to cleaning and he was so proud when i got my radiology interview.

He dosnt earn a lot as he took a decision to work from home to help with his dd but that will all change when ge gets older....total keeper!

I dont get why women with rich husband who dont work would have a bee in their bonnet about a woman not working ft and earning venefits.

Id love to be in your positions and not have to work. Why am i more entitled than you???

Oh i forgot....you are better as you have chosen a superior partner!!

usernamealreadytaken Yeah not sure I'd want DS treated by an OU nurse haha.
I only assumed prior degree because you talked about funding, no idea how funding for nurses works though as whilst I think they are generally all utterly amazing, I know I couldn't do it. Ironically on this post trying to get into teaching when I can work again.

Ultimately as student debt doesnt count against you I figured it was worth the cost - too young for grants and too poor for parents help but its not an easy choice to make once your wages pay bills and feed people.

As for OP not being prepared to do office work, not everyone gets that choice. If we were all on benefits until something scintillating came along we'd be even more screwed as a country than we are