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Original poster

Anyone else can't afford to live with their dp?

93 replies

malificent7 · 26/02/2018 10:12

I have been with dp for over two years...im besotted and want to stay with him always.
Only thing is i am hoping to retrain in a good career in September. If we move in together i will loose universal credit and he will have to shoulder the financial burden which i don't want and it will put strain on us.
At the moment he lodges and has a bargain of a deal ...if he moved in he'd pay twice as much.
This arranfement would suit me but gere is the silly bit...other females also lodge there.

Now i trust him 199 percent. There is only one other lodger at a time but it takes me a whike for me to trust the other woman and then i feel safe. The current female lodger has her own bf and us moving on soon but there will be another lodger for me to trust etc after...the landlord and lady are away during term time so it's just dp and other lodger.
I think the issue is that i want to be a unit with dp. I want to be the female sharing his space, i want to be the one he shares a kitchen and bathroom with.

So wwyd...retrain for a good career and put off living together for 3 years or give up retrainig and soldier on in a failing career that grinds you down so you can live with dp.

OP posts:
PhelanThePain · 26/02/2018 10:45

Never sacrifice your career for a man. Certainly not one you’ve only known 2 years and have never lived with. And absolutely dont balls up your future because you’re a bit silly about other women being near your man.

StormTreader · 26/02/2018 10:45

You have the rest of your life to live together, you only have this one chance to train into your new job.

bakingaddict · 26/02/2018 10:48

Is the relationship really viable....you say he lodges now at a great rate so whether you move in together now or when you've trained, isn't it always going to be more costly for him to co-habit with you. Will changing careers from a teacher to a sonographer really be giving you £££ more in salary. What grade will you start at once you've completed training? Salaries of a teacher and an NHS HCP are roughly comparable so will he ever be prepared to move in with you?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/02/2018 10:53

What does he think?

Surely this is his decision whether he wants to move in with you & support you through your training or if he’d rather live elsewhere as a lodger & save his money.

You just need to do what you’d do if you were single.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2018 10:56

Trills ok if my friend said they work somewhere where it's mainly females I wouldn't consider they were denying the humanity of those individuals. I get you find the word offensive, I'm just confused when female became an offensive word and why

Loonoon · 26/02/2018 11:00

You love him but you clearly don't trust him if you are worried about him being around other women.

Does he have a history of cheating that has caused this mistrust? Or have you cheated in the past or been cheated on? Whatever the underlying cause of your not trusting him, you would be foolish to let it get in the way of you retraining. If he is actually a cheater moving in with you won't Keep,him faithful. If he isn't a cheater, you will be letting your unreasonable worries hold you back in life.

Perhaps you could get some counselling to help you with your insecurities. Quite apart from anything else it can't be nice for him to feel he is under suspicion all the time, it could drive a wedge between you.

I think you have to l

fantasmasgoria1 · 26/02/2018 11:04

Really last chance to retrain? People on my degree were 18 to mid 50s for a degree for a professional job!

Eddie1940 · 26/02/2018 11:05

Ok I m going to be really practical here . Can he afford to move in with you - what’s this lodging arrangement. You are a professional focused on a career and from what it says you reconsidering a future with someone who is presumably in their 40 ‘s living in essentially a student house . What is he bringing to the party ?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2018 11:09

Presumably affordability will be affected by OP having a job and paying her own way whereas at the moment she's out of work so he would have to pay for it all.
Just keep on training and see where the relationship goes.
Do you have DC?
Can you work around your course?

flumpybear · 26/02/2018 11:18

Don't give up your career dreams for a man ffs!

Retrain and give back to the country through your taxes - rely on yourself for your needs not a man

HotelEuphoria · 26/02/2018 11:20

I may be missing the point here but three years to train as a radiographer with a starting grade of Band 5 and you are already a teacher? I fail to see how financially you will benefit after retraining to the point your partner can move in and you wont be reliant on benefits.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2018 11:28

Hotel I think the point is op doesn't work as she is studying so cannot afford rent etc. She gets that in benefits.

If she moved in with him she would loose them and they'd need somewhere bigger, he would have to pay it all.

She may not be richer as a radiographer but she will be happier. She'll also have a wage coming in to pay half the bills

ShotsFired · 26/02/2018 11:34

@Eddie1940 Ok I m going to be really practical here . Can he afford to move in with you - what’s this lodging arrangement. You are a professional focused on a career and from what it says you reconsidering a future with someone who is presumably in their 40 ‘s living in essentially a student house . What is he bringing to the party ?

I agree with this. That does not sound like a partnership of equals. It sounds like a responsible woman and a kidult. That is not a sound foundation for a relationship.

And as for the suggestion you give up retraining? For what? Words fail me.

phoenix1973 · 26/02/2018 11:37

Definitely retrain!
Guys come and go.
A solid career will set you up for life whether you're single or not.
Living together is work!

RavenLG · 26/02/2018 11:46

Don't sacrifice your career for a bloke. You never know what could happen in 3 years realistically.

LonginesPrime · 26/02/2018 11:49

The current female lodger has her own bf and us moving on soon but there will be another lodger for me to trust etc after

OP, I wouldn't say this to anyone IRL as it makes you sound a tad unhinged, as does the idea that you would give up a career to stop your DP being around other women.

Unless there's a huge backstory here, it doesn't sound like he's seeking women out or doing anything wrong - he's renting a room in a house and so are they.

There will always be other women in the world - don't give up your career because they exist!

Perfectnight · 26/02/2018 12:05

Are you actually teaching at the moment?

Original poster
malificent7 · 26/02/2018 12:14

It's not about the money...retraining us the fact that i cannot cope with teaching. Full time is insustainable so i do pt....Radiography is better money and a 35 hour week as opposed to a 60 hour week as in teaching.

Why dont other people want to teach..why is everyone leaving teaching?

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 26/02/2018 12:15

Teaching makes me profoundly unhappy. i have a passion for xrays etc ( weird i know!)

OP posts:
PhilODox · 26/02/2018 12:16

Have you had much work experience in radiography? Please don't think 35 hour jobs are actually 35 hours...
NHS is on its knees!

Bombardier25966 · 26/02/2018 12:18

You've been asked several times why you're currently on UC, and whether that entitlement will continue once you're entitled to student finance...

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/02/2018 12:19

What does HE think?

yetmorecrap · 26/02/2018 12:26

To be honest OP, if the guy was that bothered about you being a full time live in unit, if he is working he would I personally think move heaven and earth to make that so, especially if you are still teaching at the moment (although unless you have a lot of kids I am quite surprised you get any benefits at all). I don't think its that healthy if anyone goes into relationships by balancing out if it makes sense to the penny. If it matters to him then he should be paying into a 'joint relationship'. regardless of if you are back as a student or working. I suspect it suits him nicely as it is, you have to think though does it suit you long term??

Original poster
malificent7 · 26/02/2018 12:28

The guy has his own dd to pay for so it's not simple.

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 26/02/2018 12:29

I teach 9 hours...soon to go up this week...its not that good money you know!

OP posts:
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