Caught wanking over FB photos

[NutCase82]

My friend has text me this morning outraged that she caught her BF and father of her child having a wank while looking at photos of a women on FB. She grabbed his phone and seen (by pressing back button) that he had been going from woman to woman and eventually taking her to the search bit where numerous women's names appeared.

This guy is not a nice guy anyway and she puts up with a lot of shit from him.

AIBU to think though, don't all men do this?

I think some of you sound a little naive as to what turns men on and what they wank over!

Nah. I am not naive as to what turns men or women on.

No matter how turned on I am I wouldn't do it over random FB photos for all the reasons above, because I can control my urges. I expect a man can do the same.

Yup, I’m not sure how anyone can know what a man wanks to in private. I’m almost certain that lots (maybe younger men mostly) would use images from Instagram as some people put what I would describe as incredibly sexual images on there for the world to see. I’m not surprised at all but I wouldn’t be happy at the thought of my dh doing this, if it was someone he knew. It’s yuk and creepy but I’m sure it’s fairly common.

I suspect that most people would not like their sexual fantasies to be seen by all. This thread is dangerously close to the thought police.

I remember, as a child, bring told that some primitive tribes did not like being photographed as it stole a piece of their souls. We seem to be moving back to that position.

The only thing this chap did wrong was to get caught.

When we have had these discussions previously we tend to agree on the following although this is not scientific, and I am not mansplaining I hope!

I read once men up to their 50's on average masturbate 5-7 times per week. Paradoxically it tends to be higher end if they are in a sexual relationship.
Using an image of someone has ZERO connection to real life. Masturbating over an image of Angelina Jolie or your mates wife are the same.
This is because here is the important part the image used to masturbate is an avatar for masturbation purposes. The physical image may be the aforementioned Jolie or mates wife, but it is not them. It is a sexual avatar that just looks like them it that makes sense. We need the avatar to look like something, so an arbitrary image is selected, often based on something that caught our eye.

DrMorbius, I basically agree. I think (if I remember right...) that research shows that men masturbate less when in relationships but women masturbate more when in relationships. Or is it the other way round? Either way, I think there is a gender difference in the pattern, which is interesting.

So...if she caught him looking at porn, would that be more acceptable?

More understandable - in the sense that if you want to masterbate, looking at material specifically designed for that purpose that is freely available makes more sense.

TBH though my guess is that he was looking at porn and closed the actual window before your friend grabbed the phone just leaving the one she saw open.

Its not 'the thought police'. People have every right to fantasise and masturbate over whatever they hell they want if its legal dont they? But I also have the right to think it indicative of a terrible character if they masturbate over certain material.
And material that contains images of people who very obviously didnt intend for that image to be used as wank fodder, I personally think wanking over that implies bad character.
To me it would indicate a man who make no effort to take into account consent. The type of man who thinks all women at all times are objects that he can sexualise.
Granted some images on fb and instagram may well be obviously intended to be 'sexy' Like a pic of someone in lingerie spread out over a bed. I think thats probably fair enough to wank over even though if it were someone he knew and he were wanking over the actual image and not just the thought of it, I would find it a bit unsettling. Thats not what this type of thing commonly refers to tho....
I know that some of my friends have got upset about their partners wanking over fb pics and these pics that theyve caught them wanking over are not clearly sexual. They are just profile pics where the women is wearing a low cut top or something. To me I dont think that is okay. I think it implies that they dont give a shit about the intention of the woman or her right to be respected as an individual going about her life. It says to me 'I think womens flesh is always sexual regardless of their intention'

Err no, it's weird! Most men wank and use some type of "material", there's so much free porn out there designed for that very purpose. I'd be thinking it's something more personal if my man was beating himself off to Shirley's office Christmas Party photos

Its not 'the thought police'. People have every right to fantasise and masturbate over whatever they hell they want if its legal dont they? But I also have the right to think it indicative of a terrible character if they masturbate over certain material.
And material that contains images of people who very obviously didnt intend for that image to be used as wank fodder, I personally think wanking over that implies bad character.
To me it would indicate a man who make no effort to take into account consent. The type of man who thinks all women at all times are objects that he can sexualise.

This, exactly.

I don't care how often men wank. I don't care how often my own husband wanks. I would care if he did it over FB photos. That isn't someone I want to be married to.

And just because something turns you on doesn't mean you have to go with it. I might fancy my friend's husband, but I am not going to wank off over his FB photo, because it would feel wrong, no matter how much he hypothetically turns me on.

Unfortunately it’s not uncommon for men to wank over FB images.
As for fanta your DH is most likely having you on.
You say he stays on the sofa because he’s too tired

Issues with consent?! Should he ask the photos for consent?

It seems simple to me.

I wouldn't like someone wanking over my FB photos.

I expect most people wouldn't like it. Therefore, I wouldn't do it to others. I can control my sexual urges and I realise that not everything is fair game for wank material.

If you want material to help you out there is plenty out there which are designed for that purpose. Using photos of people going about their daily business and sharing photos for their friends is creepy.

The Op seems to have long gone, now it’s just semantics.
The whole problem here is the bloke got caught. _school boy error

U2HasTheEdge whether you like it or not, anyone could be wanking over your FB photos and you wouldn’t know, and if they did, you’d be very unlikely to ever know about it, so you would suffer no harm. Whether you posted them with the intention of being provocative or not is irrelevant. What’s the difference between someone fantasising over your FB photos, or having seen you in the street in passing and being instantly attracted , then only fantasising about in their head?

And I think anything IS game for wank material and as long as the wanker keeps their wank bank to themselves, no one else would be any the wiser or be harmed. It’s all a bit academic, really.

Everyone has their private preferences and/or fantasies that they may never reveal to anyone else, and some people would find them weird or disgusting ...or maybe even appealing, but they’re private fantasies that may only ever BE fantasies, never to be acted out in real life, although some could be if they hooked up with a like minded partner.

If I discovered I was in someone’s wank bank, I might be flattered, amused, turned on or or horrified, depending on who they were, but as I’m probably not going to find out I don’t worry about it.

banquo54 it is very different sitting in front of someones picture wanking over that picture... than creating images in your head based on your idea of them.
The pictures actually belong to someone and have been created for a purpose that in order to wank over them youd have to not give a shit about.
Thats why I think people who do that are creepy.
I dont think people who fantasise about other people are creepy. What people think in their own minds is up to them... but directly using someone elses photos is not up to them.

As Ive kept saying I dont care about this to the extent id do anything about it. Its not illegal. But I would very much think if I found out that someone was doing it, that they were creepy and probs not a great person.

Can you really not see how odd it is to actually sit in front of a pic someone took with no intention of it being wanked over and wanking?

Would you yourself actually do that or would you just find it too odd to get off on? The reason it feels odd to do that is because its invasive and voyeuristic. You are getting off on a real image that someone has created of themselves or someone else without their knowledge or consent... and you know that as you look at it. Any reasonable person would feel a bit odd doing that.

Very different when its entirely in your head because YOU are creating the images in your head even if they are based on a person youve seen or know.

And I really dont think the majority of people who wank off on fantasies of people they have seen or know, wank off imagining watching them from a distance whilst they show off their new lipstick to a friend and say 'omg new lipstick is lush' with a smiley face emoticon! Because that is well weird. Getting off on people who do not know they are being gotten off on is pretty unsettling.

We’ll have to agree to disagree about this, as I don’t think it’s any different from a woman wanking over Cumberbatch or Gosling, as GottadoitGottadoit said. Do you think that’s also creepy and invasive? It IS your absolute right to do so, but I personally don’t think it’s creepy or invasive, just as I don’t think using porn is, even though one is intended as wank fodder and the other isn’t.

I accept that some people will find it creepy, while others won’t, just like some people think certain sexual acts are gross while others think they’re perfectly normal. It’s just a personal preference. Who knows what images, in print or in someone’s imagination, that anyone may wank over? It’s never occurred to me to wank over an FB photo, but I wouldn’t absolutely rule it out. And it’s not that I actively don’t give a shit about the feelings of someone who posted a photo on line, that I may choose to fantasise over. That makes it sound like I disrespect them, but IF I did wank over an on-line image, it wouldn’t occur to me to give any thought to their feelings about it. It would be irrelevant because they wouldn’t know about it, whether they’re an FB user, a fashion model, a sports star, an Instagram poster, etc.

U2HasTheEdge said, “I wouldn't like someone wanking over my FB photos.” I accept that, but she can’t stop it happening and for all she knows, someone may have.

She also said “I expect most people wouldn't like it.” That’s just an opinion, with no evidence to back it up, other than what’s been written by other posters on this thread, which is a very small sample. She may be right, but there’s probably no statistic in existence on this subject.

No OP not all men do this. Is he your partner?

Either way it doesn't matter, he sounds like a creep and the type of man who makes skin crawl.

I don’t see the issue with wanking over random strangers on FB or elsewhere. Consent? That’s ridiculous. You can’t police what people wank over. It wouldn’t bother me one bit if someone was wanking over a photo of me. Why would it?

There’s no difference between wanking looking at online photos of tv personalities, people in adverts or random Facebook photos or thinking about next doors hot builder/nanny.

If it was friends he was wanking over, that would bother me, that’s too close to home, potential to turn into reality. It might happen in his head, but I’d be upset if I saw him looking at photos of friends while wanking.

That aside, he sounds like a twat she needs to get rid of, so if she’s riled up over this I’d be agreeing it wasn’t on.

“Excuse me. I know we just met last night at my son’s parent’s night, but I happened to see your picture on Facebook and I wondered if I could please masturbate over it later today? Yes? Ok lovely”.

Wow! I thought the thread had died off but no!
I think most people would be riled up by their OH's using FB as wank bank
Some would be riled up with wanking full stop
And a few wouldn't care.

He is an awful person with numerous issues that she battles with daily so this was just another reason to give up on him TBH.

She now, even more than before (due to his dickishness!) feels less sexy than ever and is actually feeling like he might be cheating on her, I think her catching him doing this has affected her self esteem and highlighted her doubts about herself ☹️