Caught wanking over FB photos

[NutCase82]

My friend has text me this morning outraged that she caught her BF and father of her child having a wank while looking at photos of a women on FB. She grabbed his phone and seen (by pressing back button) that he had been going from woman to woman and eventually taking her to the search bit where numerous women's names appeared.

This guy is not a nice guy anyway and she puts up with a lot of shit from him.

AIBU to think though, don't all men do this?

I'm with Thyme on this one.
How on earth is FB more "creepy" than internet porn (used by most men - research confirms this repeatedly), in the making of which women are actually quite often abused (even if this is not clear in the actual material)? It's more an extension of real life, sure, but like it or not, people's fantasies are very often based loosely in real life.

There is no need to be rude and insinuate my partners body is not functioning normally. We have a very healthy sex life and sometimes we shower together etc he has no reason to lie to me. He said he has just not been one for wanking a lot, he would rather have sex which is very regular.

Fantas, is your partner quite elderly?

V

Nope same age as me! I have just discussed this thread with him and he said why does him not wanking make him not normal. He said he just prefers sex !

It wouldn't bother me massively either OP. Only perhaps that I wasn't satisfying him enough? Before all the feminists start, yes I believe we EACH want to satisfy each other

Some women don't like their other halves masturbating at all or watching porn!

Never bothered me in the slightest. I genuinely don't get the problem?

rapey invasive

Wtf

How the hell is it any more rapey and invasive than a common or garden fantasy?'

Fantas. Unless he grew up under a rock your dude is having you on, no way he'd ask that question, blokes talk.🤣

Most blokes do both unless they are having daily sex or have a very low sex drive..his private business though and he doesn't need to be ashamed he doesn't get normal urges.

Its rapey and invasive because it implies that he thinks he has a right to jerk off over women who are just going about their day to day lives or have got dressed up for a night out and are sharing their pic with friends... It is different to wanking over porn where those women at the very least appear to know that they are being wanked over and be okay with that (apart from extreme rape porn, and I do agree that really you dont know how consensual some porn is as women may have been forced to do it etc, however at the very least it appears in the most part to have been willingly made) so a the very least men who wank over that are paying some sort of attention to consent.
Men who wank over random womens pics on facebook are not paying any attention to consent at all are they?
Its only one step up from wanking in the bushes over women just going about their daily lives, in my opinion!! I would really not think highly of someone wanking over facebook pics.

Thinking about someone specific when wanking is a whole different kettle of fish as well because at least that is not using a picture of them that they have taken not intending to be used as wanking material.... so there is still some element of respecting consent.

Its only one step up from wanking in the bushes over women just going about their daily lives

Yes, but that ‘one step’ is the step between real life and fantasy.

I don't think you can get offended by what's going on in people's heads when they wank. Consent really doesn't come into it. It's a solo activity. I'm sure lots of men wank over women at work. Or their neighbour's wife. Otherwise, there wouldn't have to be a commandment about it.

Facebook just makes it easier. You're putting yourself and your lifestyle on show. Everyone's a bit of a celebrity now. This is the downside.

It's just kinda icky though, whatever images blokes have in their mental wank bank, it's their private business, like it is for women, but wanking over face book images of women he knows just feels all kinds of wrong.

gottadoit no that would be wanking over people in your head.... fb photos ARE 'reality' Not as real in the moment as hiding in the bushes looking at someone in a park but none the less real images of someone who is oblivious to the fact they are being wanked over.
That is pretty creepy and invasive.

bluntness exactly. Having images in your head is one thing. Those images are your own really because youve created them in your mind with the purpose of wanking. Images on facebook are of real people created by those people, usually not for the purpose of wanking over. So it is very different because you are actively ignoring their intentions and 'stealing' that image and using it to wank over. Which implies a strange mindset.

I know my husband isn't wanking over FB photos. He isn't a creep. What he thinks about when he wanks is not my business or my concern, but I would bet my house that he isn't wanking over FB photos.

It's also really bloody odd.

So...if she caught him looking at porn, would that be more acceptable?

Not to me, no. However, the main deal breaker here is that he is a twat.

U2 - do you think that he doesn't wank over people he knows? Real people he works with or meets at a local fundraiser? I think it's much more common than people on here seem to think. I don't see there's much difference between that and using a readily available f/b photo as a visual aid. It's not as if he's going round at a party taking photos of women he fancies for that specific purpose.

The main problem is that he's been careless enough to get caught. So now his private business is public, at least to his gf. And it's not that she's found his favourite picture of Angelina Jolie hidden behind the linen basket. It's someone they bump into at the corner shop, which adds a whole new dimension of complications.

I think the whole subject is fairly icky, but usually it's a case of ignorance is bliss. Yes - he's a twat, for getting found out, not for what he was doing.

thymeout can you seriously not see how creepy it is to wank over an image created by someone real that was not created to be wanked over?
Can you not see how that implies that the 'wanker' doesnt give a shit about that person as an individual with a right to exist as a human being rather than a sex object?
It is honestly just a step up from wanking over someone in the bushes...

Women are not all wank fodder!
Its not okay to use their day to day pics to masturbate over... how could you think it is?

What people think about in their minds when wanking is created by them so even if they are thinking about someone specific its not really taking anything from that person because they are using their imagination.

Wanking over an actual picture of someone who is not aware you are doing that, is taking something that they have created for their own purpose and using it for your purpose. Its invasive and voyeuristic.

Yeah its legal and if i found out someone was doing it over my facebook pics I wouldnt kick up a massive fuss about it or anything. But I would think the person doing it was a weirdo with some seriously dodgy morals.

How is it invasive if the woman is oblivious?

What about the actor fellas women on mumsnet get all fanny gallopy over? Yer Ryan Gosling, or Benedict Cumberbatch types. What if some such fella appears in a serious (ie not obvious fodder for your two fingered typist) type role. What if a woman has a wank over that?

He has produced that piece as a work of art and is sullied by the idea of her getting off on it.

Once your image is in the public domain you can’t police the thoughts people have whilst looking at it.

Mind you, I would be horrified if I found a bloke I was seeing had been doing this!

well if you would be horrified a bloke you had been seeing had done this then you can see the issue cant you!!

Would you be as horrified if they had wanked over a sexy film star?

Probably less so because that is more abstract and that person is an entertainer so may expect some measure of that.
Personally it would depend on the context of the photo of the celebrity. I mean if they are posing in FHM in suspenders then they probs have a good idea that someone might wank over them dont they? Ditto for actors in sex scenes. They know they are being looked at in a sexy way.

I do think its odd to wank over images that are not intended to be sexual. It does seem invasive and I think most people would naturally recoil at the idea of doing that or their partner doing that.

Its not about policing thoughts its about people having basic respect for each other. Obviously I cant nor do I expect to be able to control what people imagine in their heads and wank over. But they own those images because even if they are based on the thought of someone real they have still created them themselves using their imagination.

Real images that are clearly not intended to be sexual are a very strange thing to wank over. It IS odd and I would think it implied something about the person doing the wanking... some sort of lack of respect for others.

U2 - do you think that he doesn't wank over people he knows?

I don't know if he does or not. I am not sure I buy into the whole 'men are visual creatures thing'. He might or he might not wank over people he knows. I know I don't. I obviously don't have a good imagination though as masturbating over celebs has never done it for me either.

There is a difference between wanking over an image in your mind and a photo of someone on FB who hasn't put that photo up for that purpose.

These are people he knows, which as you said adds another dimension to it.

I do have higher expectations of men and I do expect them not to wank over FB photos.

I would feel pretty objectified if someone was wanking over my profile picture. I expect most people would.

Real images that are clearly not intended to be sexual are a very strange thing to wank over. It IS odd and I would think it implied something about the person doing the wanking... some sort of lack of respect for others.

Exactly this.

Umm I don't think most grown men wank over fb pictures. Who knows though maybe they do ! Would still find it bloody weird though

I think it's widely recognised they all wank over porn though. I would still be offended if I my partner did though, because I would think, why wank over some pretend girls when you could have the real thing? (I.e. Me)

Like I personally think one partner watching porn whilst in a relationship is disrespecting the other partner because

1. They are satisfying there own personal sexual needs but disregarding there partners sexual needs and
2. It would seem as though they don't find the partner sexually fulfilling enough , and the porn more sexually filling, weather it be there body or what they are doing. If this is the case then that's ok, but they should talk to there partner honestly and see if they can spice up there sex life and therefore strengthen there overall relationship rather then just fuck off havng sex with the partner entirely and essentially, over time, weaken the relationship. (Which would essentially show hey don't really value he person anyway and put there own needs first over cultivating a meaningful relationship)

Idk I think most girls just accept there partners watching porn but it doesn't sit with me. Seems disrespectful to the partner and never even mind the girls actually in the porn industry. I call BS

Excuse the rant. Yeah wanking over fab pics are weirder tho cause they weren't nessercerily intended to be sexual in the first place

I don't think all men masturbate to be fair. Not all women do, reckon it's unfair to say fantas's oh must be lying. Isn't gender stereotyping knowing one fact about a person, e.g. He's male, and from that presuming to know lots of information? I think it's unfair to men in the extreme. Also, don't we risk reinforcing the behaviour if we're constantly telling them they must do this or they are a liar/something is wrong with them?