Why can't I get over this man? Constructive advice please.

[runnerbean09]

We only dated for three months!

Met online, I had been doing OLD for about 2 years and only met one other person I really liked. Some messing around with men but no one I could see a future with.

Then I met this guy and we were very attracted to each other. He also seemed keen - he did what he said he would, took me out a lot etc. Then I thought his interest was fading but tried to ignore it. Stuff like forgetting my birthday, not messaging me, not making plans for us. The final straw was seeing he had updated his profile online. So I ended it before Christmas.

We haven’t been in contact but I can’t get over it. I’m still crying every day! I feel really sad and depressed and I miss having someone and something to look forward to.

I presume I did something wrong because he was really keen then backed off but I don’t know what - he says I didn’t and that he hasn’t got time for a relationship but I don’t buy into that.

I think dating would probably make me feel better but I reject everyone that isn’t like him and also what’s the point when it never works out - I can’t even sustain someone who is really keen!

Not sure what to do anymore but I don’t want to be alone forever although it seems pointless to try with anyone else. I’ve stopped thinking of myself as someone who deserves or is capable of being in a relationship but I’m only 28!

What can I do to feel better?

Yes it's you, unfortunately, you must have appeared too keen and needy. I have made the same mistake several times.

Read "why men love bitches", it's an eye opener. In short, continue to live your life, don't put everything on hold for a man.

Chalk this up to experience and keep swiping, there are other great men out there (not that many, that is why you need to do the hard work).

Good luck!

I have to agree with heart broken. You cry everyday?? Seems very extreme. You probably came on too strong.

Well I think that's a bit unfair - I do know he also had a lot of issues with commitment - 40 and still single for example.

Sorry you went through that.

But it sounds like you came on too strong. You are only 28. A whole life in front of you (I am 63).

Don't live it for a man who is not worthy of you. He obviously wasn't.

At 28 you should be living your own life, - travel! - , getting independent, all will fall into place once you have that going.

What??? How can you possibly know that it’s her? It’s just as likely that he’s one of those men who likes the chase and as soon as he has you wanting him and interested he loses interest. Do not assume it’s you. Are you upset about him specifically or what could have been with him?

Whats unfair?

Unfair to say I came on too strong based on one post!

I played a lot of games at the start as is expected but that can only last so long in my opinion.

Well people can only
Go by one post and you sound full on.

"40 and still single"

Good for him!

There's more to life than being tied up in marriage and kids by 30 or 40.

More likely to be divorced too with all the shit that goes with it. you only have to read mumsnet for that

I played a lot of games at the start as is expected but that can only last so long in my opinion

Can you expand on that?

I don't feel like any of this is really constructive advice. Reinforcing that I did something wrong and then reinforcing that he is really great for being still single as if I'm some lonely woman desperate for a man?!

Guess what, I do travel, I have a life etc. But it's still possible to get hurt!

By playing games I mean the not texting back for hours/days, not arranging any dates, not having sex etc.

But after a while perhaps I want to suggest meeting up or send the first message? Surely if someone is really into you there comes a point where this is ok?

Sorry I had to ask as I didn’t know what you meant. So you mean let him think you’re not keen and he has to do the chasing?

Could you try next time not to do any of that? I couldn’t be bothered, Dating can be a lot of fun and there’s nothing wrong with letting them know you’re having fun.

But that goes against the other advice I've been given below about coming on too strong!

I'm just going to give up, because every person I ever meet I end up driving away. I don't see the point.

As has been pointed out there aren't too many great guys around and that was probably my last chance.

Why did you presume you did something wrong OP?
I went out with a man like this, he was just weird. Came back a few months later and wanted to do it again In your case it could be any reason, nothing to do with you, for instance the age gap if you're 28 and he's 40.
It sounds like you just liked him and feel upset. If you've been upset ages you could look at counselling, which would help with your self esteem.
In the end if someone doesn't want to be with you, its because they're not right for you. Someone else will be.

Lose the assumption that you MUST game play when you start dating again and all will be well. The right relationship won't require you to give a second thought as to when you respond to a message

You seem to put too much store in men you barely know. Give them and yourself some breathing space next time. You seem a little intense .. it isn't normal to fry every day over some bloke you dated for a while. Try and fix that first before you date again

You don’t have to come on strong though, there’s nothing wrong with letting said person know you enjoy their company. Be natural! If someone I was dating played those types of games I’d cut my losses early on as it was too hard. The only people that type of game play will attract are the ones who like the chase and then lose interest when it stops.

What’s wrong with just enjoying someone’s company and let things naturally develop if they’re going to?

*cry

I only think you probably came on too strong as you say you are depressed and crying "every single day" over a man you was dating 3 months. Sorry that isn't normal. So you have been crying daily since before Xmas. Surely you must see that's very extreme? I can only imagine how you came across during the time you were dating.

I'm upset because I really liked him and I know I won't meet anyone else, which is a hard thing to accept at 28.

I do a lot of dating (or did do) and very very rarely meet someone I like who actually seems like me back!

I think in two years of OLD I met two men I actually liked.

I'd say if you're crying every day about something like that, there are some deeper issues going on and perhaps it might be worth speaking to someone? We've all been there and it's normal to have that sort of awful knot in your stomach maybe for a couple of weeks but when you come to realise it was never going to happen, it disappears. You're only 28 (I'm 29 FYI so speaking very much from the same level). Get out to some bars, have some fun. For what it's worth, I always found OLD to be full of chancers and weirdos. I know it isn't the same for everyone, that's just my experience. Have some fun, flirt, go out dancing.

I don't see how people can say it was something she did. It could be one of a million different reasons, none of which we know.

And it's probably not a good use of energy to dwell on the reasons, since it's all guesswork.

I don't think it's that unusual to be upset 7 or 8 weeks after a break up. If you rarely meet someone you like, you can feel pretty despondent about the prospects about meeting another person. Online dating can be quite depressing.

In any case, the issue now is how to move on from it. I read a really good book called Get past your break up which you might find useful.

That’s utter crap OP and a proper pity party you’ve got going on

I got with my husband at 34 and that was with 3 kids. You need to be happy just being you first.

Have your last cry tonight and tell yourself it’s time to pick yourself up tomorrow. Delete all this dudes details and block on social media and whatever and look forwards. Go shopping, get a haircut, get the girls together and tell them you want to laugh until your stomach hurts. Do something that makes you feel good.

It’s time to stop moping over a fling that just wasn’t right for you.