If you have been in a long relationship and got together young

[Historicallyinaccurate]

If you and dp got together young (around 19) and are/were in a monogamous relationship, have they at any point attempted to catch up on what they'd missed out on by not playing the field when younger? Do they all feel like they've missed out? Do they grow out of this or has it affected your relationship?
After a bolt of recognition reading a post on another thread I'd like to understand it a bit better - is it common to men in long term, young starting relationships, or is it more dependent on the type of person they are to start with. If that makes sense?

I was 15, dh 18. Together 28yrs, married 18 this year. I do feel I missed out and am sure at some points he has too. Having said that, I don't think I'm a casual sex kind of person, was sorely tempted couple of years ago when we were on brink of divorce but couldn't go through with it.

Interesting to hear other's stories, thank you all.
What strikes me is that the majority of women commenting here haven't felt as if they missed out, or if they have (mildly), haven't done anything about it. Which I'm not sure happens the other way round so much ie. where dh feels he has missed out. Not many seem to know whether dh feels as if they missed out, apart from incidents where there have been separations and this was a contributing factor. Hmm.
I never felt as if I had missed out, until it was made obvious to me that dh did, with the excuse of 'men have more sexual partners than women'. Obviously, having gotten together young, he didn't think he'd achieved his manly quota yet . I guess this was a common idea 15 yrs ago, not so much now maybe. Hopefully.
Anyway, I'd strongly suggest to my DC that they don't get serious as young as I did, so both of them (or possibly more importantly, their partners) can get it out of their system before settling with one person, who might regret it later.
Lovely to see so many contented couples tho .

I am not in that situation, but a few couples I know are...
And some of them have dealt with infidelity at some points, and have settled on a more liberal view of marriage. Not totally open, but with some freedoms alowed on both sides.
And interstingly - their marriages seem stronger for that.

My ex partner and I were together from a young age, for 9 years. During the breakdown of our relationship this fear of missing out was apparent on his part and I eventually found out that he had been living a double life by having two full blown relationships with other women plus possibly a few more casual encounters (I never did get all the answers).

It didn't personally enter my head that I might be missing out on something. However, once I was single and had moved on and started dating it became glaringly obvious that I'd missed out on some vital life experiences by not dating during my late teens/early 20s and it was rather difficult to have these harsh lessons later than is usual!

I'd not encourage anyone to settle down very young although it obviously does work for some people.

I have no interest in any man that isn't my man. Literally zero. I don't care if they have better hair or a better body or are better at housework. Other men do not interest me in the slightest. They aren't what I want. I have what I want and I am happy with that. DH has no desire to play away or catch up on anything he seemingly missed out on (in fact I think the drama and exhaustion of it all that he has seen from his friends has put him off). He has stated hundreds of times that me and the children are the best thing that's ever happened to him. He is more than happy.

Neither of us have regrets about having a serious relationship (inc a child, house and pets) at what many people would consider a very young age. He is very much the love of my life and I am his.

This isn't always the case of course. Many people get into relationships (at any age) and they don't necessarily work out but that's just life. I am well aware that the 'high school sweetheart' fairytale is very rare and I am absolutely blessed to have what I have. But it can (and does) happen.

Just to add. Me and DH had no relationships before we got together so we were both virgins.

The first couple of years of our relationship were HARD. Like, it would break up most marriages hard. I'm talking mental health issues, fertility issues, illness, bereavement, family rifts, cheating accusations (all of which were proven false by a jealous friend - yet another addition to the list - loosing friends). All of which were at the very start. We have honestly been through it all. And I can seriously say hand on heart that I cannot think of anything that could break us apart. We fixed each other and leant on each other and built ourselves up from absolutely nothing. 90% of people I know would have cracked and bailed out I am sure. That's how I know I don't want anyone other than him.

Pegashush you both sound very lucky to have found each other, that's lovely

josuk I'm not surprised, having come across your posts on other threads. But what exactly do you mean by 'some freedoms' on either side? The only things I can think of would come under my definition of cheating, so they allow a degree of cheating on either side ?

patchwork sorry to hear yours was a bastard. Hope you're doing better without him.

Got together with DH when I was 19, he was 24 (now 37 and 41). He'd been to uni, was a player, I was 3mths out of a 4yr relationship, where I was left with a mortgage and bills to pay on my own, so couldn't even make the most of those 3mths (we met through work). Our 3 DC are now more independent, and I know it's such a cliche, but I feel like I've "found" myself again, and yes, I look back with regret that I didn't/couldn't make the most of being single, to the point where I am now not entirely sure if I am happy There's much more to it though, which is a whole other post.

I met my DH and got together when he was 17 and I was 18. We split up (I wasn’t ready) and got together aged 32 and 33 post serious relationships on both our parts and lots of flings (esp me). DH is just my perfect man, I adore him and we are so happy, but I wasn’t the settling type till my 30s. He would have been better than me at settling early I think but has no regrets.

However I have friends who’ve been happily together since teens. You just have to be yourself, there is no right or wrong - it’s ok to settle early but also to want freedom in your youth.

We were both 17 when we got together, first proper relationship for both of us and have been married 30 years. We have had our ups and downs and are going through a bad patch at the moment, no regrets about getting together young though.

@Historicallyinaccurate - some freedoms means just that - and maybe it’s a version of open relationships.

So - one couple - allow each other occasional off-piste encounters. Just nothing that is ongoing with the same person for any sort of prolonged time. Realistically - I don’t think they actually excersise that option more than few times a year.
And I think their rule is to inform each other.
Another couple - don’t have the same rule - but have other rules - extracurricular play is allowed - but not too in your face. No (rare evenings), no weekends - so that their family time isn’t affected.

And - interestingly - these families seem stronger - with less resentments than my other friends.
Those that I think you have seen me describing on ‘affairs’ thread.

I can understand the less resentment, but the rest of it seems like asking for trouble at some point down the line. And I don't see how it can be an equal relationship/equal opportunity if one has DC to care for. Anyway...

If anyone reads this far before commenting on the op, I'd like to refine my q... It was originally asked regarding dh feeling as if they had missed out, so has anyone's dh admitted feeling like that, but nothing came of it? Ie. Can/have they felt like this but not done anything about it, or has it been a precursor to inappropriate behaviour?

OP - no one can predict what your H would or would not do.
Too many options and possibilities.
People in relationships rarely are this open to admit regretting getting together too young.
More likely they’d quietly play around and not be found out.
Or they’d be found out and families break up.
Or they’d be found out and find an alternative arrangement that works for them - (it won’t work for many, but works for some)
Or they manage not to act on it.

Many many permutations.

What is going on with your H???

I was 24 husband 29 wen met, i do feel i missed out a bit playing the field but raised strict catholic!

DH and I got together at uni when we were both 19. I was a bit of a slapper, he had only had two previous girlfriends. Neither of us feel we have missed out - we had fairly wild twenties, but we had our fun together. If we had spent our twenties just sitting at home together with a box set, I might feel differently.

We are 40 now and have DC so obviously we’ve settled down, but DH is still very creative and I am still very driven, so although the external trappings have changed, the internal parts of the relationship haven’t IYSWIM.

I met my partner when we were both 14, still together 8 years later and don't feel like we've missed out on anything

I was 16 when I got with DH. I’m 40 now. I did mess about for a couple of years during university and I think so did he although we haven’t ever spoken about it. I have only ever wanted a life long relationship with him but I did want to get my kicks too before settling.

@MealyPotatoes not judging, but genuinely asking - if you both messed around at uni, how do you know he's not messed around since (or will in the future) and kept it similarly quiet?

I was 15 and he's my one and only and, yes, I wouldn't rush to get the mortgage, marriage, kids so fast (no serious regrets though). You really do only live once, I'd have traveled, with DH, if I had my to me again.

You wake up and you're old. Enjoy your youth, don't rush it.

Me and my DP got together when I was 17, he was 18 and have been together now for almost 10 years.
I don’t feel like we missed out as such as we king of grew up together and enjoyed that time of our lives together.
However I do think it is dependent on the person you’re with as my DP has never had nor wanted a one night stand and has very high morals in terms of relationships and always has ( was brought up in a Christian family)

However I do think it is dependent on the person you’re with as my DP has never had nor wanted a one night stand and has very high morals in terms of relationships and always has
Hmm. My dh has wanted a ons, and said he always had high morals... Although when it suits, rather than fulltime, possibly.

OP - I, unfortunately, don’t think it’s about morals.
My friend’s H was married before her to his very first gf.
And - after about 10+years of marriage - he said he had this thought that he couldn’t get out of his head - would he go through life having slept with just one woman?
So - opportunity presented itself at a training course and he took it.
Felt bad after that and even threw up upon coming home.
But - also worked it out of his system.

A few years later his W had a similar thought and had an affair. And eventually left.

He has been married to his 2nd wife he met right after for 15 years.

Ah, that makes it clear josuk. They both cheated when the opportunity presented itself, because they wanted sex with someone different. Sorry, but I think that's pathetic behaviour. Whether he threw up (from guilt?) afterwards or not. Or are you saying they had discussed it prior to any opportunity and agreed they would be 'allowed' to do it? Odd. But I suppose that's better than all those who do it on the sly.

Watching with interest as my dh met his gf when they were both 16 and i am absolutely certain (as are they) that they will end up together. I’m also fairly certain my ds will one day regret not experience other relationships, but nothing I can do.

Sorry, my ds not my dh