If you have been in a long relationship and got together young

[Historicallyinaccurate]

If you and dp got together young (around 19) and are/were in a monogamous relationship, have they at any point attempted to catch up on what they'd missed out on by not playing the field when younger? Do they all feel like they've missed out? Do they grow out of this or has it affected your relationship?
After a bolt of recognition reading a post on another thread I'd like to understand it a bit better - is it common to men in long term, young starting relationships, or is it more dependent on the type of person they are to start with. If that makes sense?

We got together at 19. This was in 1990. We were engaged 6months later and married in 1995.

We have grown together. I have never felt that I've missed out on anything. We rarely argue. We are a team.

That's not to say that there hasn't been difficult times, bereavement, infertility, miscarriage etc. But we have always supported each other.

I came from a broken home and I've always been determined to make my marriage work. That doesn't mean I would tolerate anything it just means we communicate and try to work on things. To be fair my dh has a very calm personality

Both 16, now 37, married since 20, neither have had the urge to see if the grass is greener. We have a very strong relationship, been through so much crap together and always come out the other side.

I think it’s inevitable sometimes to feel that way, the problems come of someone acting upon the feelings.

We have been together since I was 19 and he 22 (now 32/36). I have definitely had crushes on other men whilst in this relationship. It is almost always connected to feeling unfulfilled in the relationship, whether we are going through a bit of a sexual dry patch or have been arguing etc. I’ve never acted on it, although the opportunity has arisen. Like a pp has said, in the long run it’s just not worth it. The relationship is more important than random sex.

In a perfect world I would have liked to have had a few relationships and flings before meeting my life partner at around 25. It nothing ever happens perfectly, does it?

Complete anecdotal, but of all my friends I know 3 who are divorced. All of them are the ones that got together with their partners at university and all of them said that a feeling of having "missed out" contributed to their separations. Of course, it could also be that they are the ones I know who've been married the longest and they've reached a stage where it's more common to separate.

We were 21 so still fairly young, because we had teenage years and uni both being young/single etc we don't feel like we missed out. I never understand how people can be together from age 14 or something though, surely the thought of not knowing whether the connection/sex etc was actually good in comparison to with other people would always play on your mind?!

I got together with my OH when I was 19 in 1995. We are still together now. Our marriage had been loveless for most of the relationship, at his request we stopped having sex when I was 21 and it became almost entirely loveless and very lonely for me over the years. About five years ago I had a breakdown of sorts and went a little wild. I made up for what I’d “missed out on”. I regret the hurt that I caused at the time, but I don’t regret the experiences I had.

We are still together. It’s still loveless and sexless but at least I know exactly what shade of grass is on the other side. It’s no more or less green, it’s just different.

I was 20, he was 23, been together 29 years now. I think he went through a stage of drunken chatting up possibly snogging other women in his late twenties, he had a mate who was a bit of a lad and they went clubbing together and the mate did that, so possibly he did,. Not sure, he always came home and to be fair he was always in Long term relationships before me and never played the field. I'm more the wild one. Can't say I was ever remotely bothered. Don't think he tried to make up for getting together young, as he was 23. I didn't either.

I think now my daughter is 20 I'd want her to more play the field, find out who she is, and I perceive her as very young. I'm not sure, maybe it's a different time in the world or maybe now at 49 and as she's our child I perceive her to be younger than she is.

It was actually one of the "reasons" listed by my now exh as to why he had an affair.

We got engaged before we had sex.i wanted commitment before I slept with someone.weve been together 26 yrs.4 kids.i was 19. He was 20.first boyfriend.no I don't regret it...

I was 19 he was 21. We've been together 11 years and I don't feel I've missed out. He's still my favourite person to spend time with.

17 and 19 and we've been together 18 years. I don't feel I've missed out, I don't think DH does either. We've had a lot of fun together and now doing the grown up thing, house, kids, dog. We've grown together really well.

Also.i came from a home where parents divorced,it was messy ,I ended up with 2 families I flitted between,fitting in neither.i think that made me very determined to be sure before I.enbarked on a relationship,certainly made me old before my years.also made sure I really worked at keeping the family together after we had kids.

We were 17 almost 18 when we met.
Almost 40 years later l have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing.
He is a gem

We've been together since I was 17, DH 19. About 5 years ago it was me who suddenly thought I'd missed out and we had a 'break' with the agreement that we could sleep with other people. We both did. Me more I didn't enjoy myself and we got back together properly after about 4 months.

Now we regularly talk about the idea of a more open relationship in the future. I'm not ready for that and our children our young so that's not going to happen anytime soon but maybe one day.

I trust him to be open with me and vice versa and I'm certain that's how our relationship is going to last. We are both honest that we love each other and want to stay together forever, hence we married, but there might be sexual experiences we've missed/would like to experience. I think to deny that those feelings exist is to be kidding yourself for most people.

We may never do anything remotely juicy in that way but I'm glad the lines of communication are open in that respect. I think it reduces the chance of cheating. But you can never say never, I know.

DH & I met at 19 & are still together 20 years on-not without it's ups & downs but never due to itchy feet or infidelity, at least on my part.
I did a lot of living from 15-18 & we did loads of fun stuff together & travelled to most of the places we wanted to experience prior to having DC so perhaps that's why.
Still feel the same if not stronger feelings towards DH now as I did back then.

I met husband at 16, I sometimes feel I missed out but not with guys. I fell pregnant at 17 so felt I missed out on girls holidays, traveling etc.

12 years on, were still happy together. Wouldn't change it for the world.

I met my now-DH when I was 18, he was 24. We ended up splitting up after a year or so - partly due to lots of other reasons, but a big part of it was that I was pretty blasé and assumed (having found him no bother when I wasn’t actually looking) that men like him were easy to come by. I hadn’t exactly been a nun beforehand anyway, but we were apart for a couple of years and I definitely crammed in a whole lot of living into that time. We got back together in the end (me 21, him 27) and have been overwhelmingly happy ever since - nearly 7 years back together, married nearly 4, currently expecting DC3.
So I guess I’m coming to it from the perspective of having actually gone and found out, definitely, that the grass is very much not greener. I have no regrets, as I do think if we’d just stayed together I might always have wondered. And there were other factors in the initial split - we both did a lot of growing up in the time apart. I’m very very glad it all worked out in the end though - I love him to bits, he’s a good man and we’re a great team.

Been together over 30 years. Only once had a very mild flirtation and that was about feeling isolated after we’d moved and husband was working 7am -10pm every day. Never went beyond a little gentle teasing, a bit of eye contact and a cup of tea. I still feel guilty, to be honest. We are now just good friends with him and his wife who have been together longer than us.
Not ever had a real desire for infidelity. We’re both firm in our vows and consider faithfulness and loyalty as critical to a marriage. We still quite like each other.
My experience is that those who choose casual sex and multiple partners are far less content with their lives than those who continue to work within a monogamous relationship.

We got together when I was 21 and he was 25. Early that year I'd ended a 4 year relationship and gone a bit off the rails in terms of experiencing things I thought I'd missed out on. I had a very enjoyable 9 months of being free and single, I had a few flings, a few ONS and learn to love me for me.

When we got together I was in a really good place. 8 years later we are still very happy, been married 5 years, currently pregnant with DC2.

Don't get me wrong, we've had some horrible times but we've worked hard as a couple and come through them together.

I wish we'd done more travelling but finances just didn't allow for it, and still don't. We'll see the world when we retire! 😂

Met dh when I was 17 he is 8 years older. I did everything young clubbing etc so was ready to settle and buy a house at 19. I have never felt I have missed out and as dc are 16 and 13 I feel I am starting to get a bit of my freedom back me and dh can leave them for a few hours to go for a drink or meal. I don’t regret anything except not pushing my career more so although we have been together 23 years married for 18 and mostly happy- having a blip at the moment which could be dh feeling he’s missed out or having a midlife crisis I hope dd doesn’t follow my path and gets her career sorted first

Met my DH when I was 17 and he was 23. Been together 20 years. More in love now than when we first met, find him more attractive and sex life is better than ever. It does take a lot of work though and we’ve come a long way to get to this point with a few bumps along the way (bereavement, mental health problems, unemployment, kids).

Some of our friends have never grown up, others have separated from long term partners and are dating, so we get to live vicariously through them and can see that the grass definitely isn’t greener!

I don’t get jealous and I’m secure in our relationship, but neither would I blindly trust any man. I don’t take ‘us’ for granted; I’ve read enough threads on here to know that ‘perfect’ marriages can crumble.

From the other side of the fence. I met DH at 37, married at 41.

Have 1 wonderful DC from a previous long term relationship. Won't be having more DC (infertility, which I'm now at peace with).

My relationship history hasn't been conventional, I'm aware that most people meet and marry 'the one' much younger.

In the spirit of having no regrets my past has worked for me, and I don't regret it.

In my 20s I had several fun relationships, got to know myself a bit, worked hard, travelled and I guess at that time my career and social life was my priority- sounds shallow now!

In my 30s I had a serious relationship, with a man who was the life and soul and is the father of my DC. We grew apart though, as I grew up and he couldn't. It broke my heart at the time.

After this I was single and actually enjoyed getting to know myself again. Luckily managed a fairly effective coparenting set up with EXP. DC was my priority (always will be).

Then in my late 40s met DH. This man is my sole mate. He is wonderful and he cherishes DC and I beyond what I thought possible. I feel incredibly lucky. We share the same outlook- but I do feel that this outlook is different to how I felt when I was younger.

So, although in some ways I wish I'd met DH earlier, I do feel that for me I had to do some living and learning before I settled down. I'm not sure Mr Right in my 20s would be Mr Right in my middle age. Maybe we would have grown together- but maybe not.

Just my take on things. It's lovely to hear other people's very different, more settled and very happy stories.

We were entirely different people in our late forties to the ones we were in are late teens .
I changed and wanted to see the world and do things and he didn't .
He didn't change a jot which resulted in a huge gulf between us .
Got divorced after 25 years .
He's happy with a like minded girlfriend now ... I've been with my new dp a year and seems to be going well . ( hugely excited but trying not to jump up and down like a teen ! )
Had 3 years single and yes it was hard but omg so many memories !
I was safe , met some great guys online dating and had a couple of new experiences in the bedroom department .
I'm not saying I missed out I'm just saying we were genuinely unhappy together and very happy apart now x

Together for 20 years since we were teens. Had good times, rough times and tragic times. Learn about each other all the time, a lot of desire on both sides to stay committed and remember why we fell in love in the first place.

I was 18 1/2. DH was 21. Married for nearly 28 years now.
I don't feel I have missed out. I had several arsehole boyfriends that I slept with between 16 and 18 and DH had a few girlfriends. 2 of them cheated on him so he was more than ready for a serious relationship.
We are still very happy.