Dating Thread 129 - Time to put a new spring in your step

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Runs I have no answers . I have had dates after messaging first so I'm not against it. I just think for most of us it's really hard to find the overlap between the people we like and the people who like us. I guess that is what these sites are designed to help us do but they aren't working very well (probably user error!)

I never assume anything! I keep getting asked why I'm on Tinder and don't know what to say. I really need MB but have never done so outside of a relationship. Do I keep my morals intact?

Kin it's not immoral to have sex outside of a relationship, only if you pretend you might want a relationship with that person but are really just after sex.

Blimey Kim - how are you managing 12 conversations? I'm impressed.

Kin - just say you need some light relief.

Kin: go for it you do not know what you are missing out on..... plus you need a distraction after recent events x

Kin, 12 conversations, now that's impressive.

I've just instigated a new conversation with a new match by asking him what he doing at the weekend. Now a bit concerned that he may think I am looking for a hookup.

Kin, I'm really confused. You said you were having a problem with no responses from the women you were messaging but now it seems you have 12 conversations on the go!!!!!!

Maybe this is why we are not hearing from some guys or they pop up every now and again - they are juggling 12 conversations ! 🙄 sorry kin no offence meant , just an observation

Margo that was no response on POF. 12 conversations are on Tinder

I work on the principle that any man I’m talking to is chatting to (lots of) other people. In fact I hope he is; lessens the pressure. But days between messages says to me they’re not that arsed. I guess I expect to swap a few messages a day.

Pav not how I was brought up but is what I need

Val with great difficulty

Vixen I do, I do!

Bloody they'll probably all come to nothing

Runs Pav Val and any others late 40s on it really does get tougher I think. I do message a very few if their profile is right up my street. I dated online a year ago and there are so many guys this age bracket who never leave the site. Think they will die on it. Can we have a comp of the worst age bracket ask you have found? This morning I have seen a guy aged 53 wanting age 26 up hmmm. Im sure you can do better

Think a lot of guys at this age (good example of your friend Runs) think they are entitled to the model type. Good luck to them.

No dates this weekend but speed dating next week and a very interesting new iron. Have good dates tonight everyone :)

Kin I love Tinder, have only had a couple dates from there but they have been good dates, I don’t get many new people come up on there now so I don’t go on there very often but I’m sure there’s plenty in your area. As for sex out of a relationship, I think some people can do it and some can’t, I never did it until I left my husband ,had never had a oone night stand or FWB type thing, infact I had only slept with 3 people but then I thought I would give it a try as finding a relationship seemed impossible and we all have needs, I have to say sex is much better when you are in a relationship but sex with someone your not connected too can be fun and give you confidence whilst waiting for the right person to come along.

Cover- In the sea of blokes messaging non stop and being OTT with their messages, his hot and cold style stands out. I play it cool like Misscatt and refuse to chase him. He doesn't know his tactics are working as I match his message length and frequency, but I do feel excited when I get a message from him so I guess it works on some psychological level.

When he gets back in contact I always say to myself I'm not playing him games anymore, but by the end of the night he's got me reeled in again as he's a great talker and makes me laugh a lot (and he's pretty hot). I'm supposed to meet him this weekend, so I might drop it into conversation that I have an interested in researching the PUA community

There are people that use these tactics briefly just to build initial attraction, but actually want a relationship and others that use it as a conquest game. I'll just have to suss out which category he's in.

Mum wish I was late 40s - I now get free prescriptions!! Tinder - I got quite a few matches with under 50s!!

Val but did those Tinder matches message? I got fed up with Tinder because so many would match but not message and those that did message were not what I was looking for.

kin I get asked it all the time, and if I am married which I am always a bit like . I usually say I don;t really know what I am looking for but have an open mind. Not a casual one night hook up kind of girl also not looking for a serious relationships. You will find naturally the twelve will wittle down.

I think being honest is the best policy.

Well I'm 36 and not finding it much easier - I'm getting the 50+ year olds who lie about their age on their profiles in order to be able to message younger women (I have a block on POF on anyone over 43 messaging me or it's just constant). So I get either those or 26-30 year olds where again, I'm just not interested. I don't 'do' younger men, never have and never will. Tbh I suspect their motives in wanting to shag an older woman.

BUT, the age range I do want - 36-40 - seem to be looking for women in their late 20s/early 30s. So basically you can't win!

I've pretty much binned off all my irons this week as none were really right and my tolerance hit an all-time low after Mr Ireland who I can't have, and Mr Douchebag No-Show, but I might have a new one, it's only been a couple of messages so far but he's the right age, decent looking, interesting, a climber, loves dogs, writes well and has a great job. He's a bit shorter than I'd ideally like but I can live with that. Not going to name him yet but he could definitely be worth meeting - presuming he turns up He's just messaged me again as I type this...

Vet - He sounds promising. I hope he turns out to be lovely. It was horrible what happened to you with Mr Douchebag.

Thanks Custard; I'm pretty realistic* now in that I don't really have any expectations... other than expecting to find out at some point that they have ishoos/are emotionally unavailable/have no time for a relationship/are a douchebag that is

*jaded

Kin 12 conversations! Good going. That's basically a part time job!

Margo
I look at profile's I'm interested in and leave it at that. They know I've looked and some of them then get in touch. I do get lots of approaches from guys I am not interested in. At the beginning I politely replied saying "'Thank you for your message. I don't think we're a match but I appreciate you getting in touch." Often this didn't close down comms, or I got snarky messages back saying "WTF?" or similar, so I stopped doing that & now completely ignore all those I'm not interested in

I do exactly the same as this, except for the occasional one who has sent a particularly nice message, or one of the age liars who has particularly fucked me off.

Pav - yes a couple did but I didn't replay - just felt a bit ohhhhh. Sounds promising Vet.

Vet, he has to be Mr Crufts! ;-) I hope he comes to something.

New iron, Miss Teacher asked what I was looking for so I went with pud's idea - I don;t really know what I am looking for but have an open mind. Not a casual one night hook up kind of guy also not looking for a serious relationship - grabbing a glass of red together tomorrow

Pav I've started to initiate contact with some of my matches. If nothing else it helps to whittle them down. I've just unmatched one who struggled to hold a decent conversation.

I have set my age on Tinder to between 33 - 48 and I am 38. TBH I am finding that a lot of the younger guys still seem to be in bachelor mode and have very different lifestyles to mine. Older guys seem more settled and more them seem to be divorced of have kids which I see as a positive.