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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 129 - Time to put a new spring in your step

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 21/02/2018 20:14

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
SpringtimeSun · 25/02/2018 20:48

Cover thanks for the clip Grin I did have a message about someone wanting to do something to me involving custard but that was from an 'alternative' site Confused

ignoringthechoc · 25/02/2018 20:50

Cover you have put me off Tinder, will stick with pof for now and hope some new people join (that I'm not going to have to avoid at school!
Bant will you stop adding rules, tsk, dressing gown now on!

BeenThereDating · 25/02/2018 21:15

Ginny that sense of 'going public' with a pic on a dating site was one of the hardest things for me. No good reason and no issue with being seen by an ex but I just like to be anonymous. On POF I'd often not put up a photo and just had private images. I was happy to accept the trade off of fewer conversations vs privacy. I've got better with it now but it really goes against the grain.

As for your ex the only thing you can do is find him first and block him app by app.

ValMc1 · 25/02/2018 21:31

During the war ...... I first found myself unexpectedly single in my late 30s after a 20 year marriage - OLD wasn't around then but paper ads were - in some ways that was easier than OLD as the first contact you had was listening to their message - I think you can tell a lot from someone's voice.

VetOnCall · 25/02/2018 22:28

Those of you on the, er, adult sites; do you put a photo of your face on your profile? Do the men? Or do you have to find the most attractive cock to message... actually that's not all that different to normal OLD Grin

I've just been messaged by 'DomtheDom' on POF, profile photo a spiked leather collar and a ball gag artistically arranged on a white background. How very unlike the home life of our own dear Queen as I once read on here.

Kinunir · 25/02/2018 22:38

Vet I’m using a pic of my face, others strictly upon request!!!

rosynoses · 25/02/2018 22:43

Some of you may remember that I broke up my iron (mr green) after 6 month relationship. He was my first relationship since my husband and I broke up (been together 11 years). I joined match.com and now totally understand what you've all been saying about online dating etc. I've had some odd messages to say the least and been on 3 dates, one of which we've had three dates together, let's call him Mr Hill as he likes hiking. Thing is though he's 12 years older than me (he's early 40s). Not a problem as such but he would like children etc which makes me think he's better hurry up. Or am I just odd? I have one child (he has none and previously had a long term relationship) and I would like more children but I can't seem to get his age out of my head. Like when the child is 20 he'll be mid 60s. Am I being ridiculous (and jumping way ahead of myself I know)!

esk1mo · 25/02/2018 22:51

vet i joined purely to have a look so i never added a picture. on FabSwingers you can upload pics to be shown just to friends or just to message privately.

i havent relied to any of the cock-senders, but i did message someone who had some nice pictures of half his face & his body. no dick pics thankfully. he hasnt made the convo sexual other than to ask why im on the site & has suggested we meet for a drink on wednesday.

its nice because there are alot of men on OLD who dress up the fact they just want ONS/FWB, so women think the men they are dating have feelings/are exclusive, only for them to disappear after they DTD.

esk1mo · 25/02/2018 22:52

also to add vet i sent him a clothed body pic, no face but you can see my mouth and my hair.

BeenThereDating · 25/02/2018 23:18

Vet when I'd toddle off for a session on a hookup site I used a photo of my collarbone, which showed my hair and jaw line so you could see I was a female. I got a lot of compliments on how classy the pic was!! Some guys have profile shots of their cock and others use normal shots. I've messaged both and ended up seeing the guys. The one with the cock profile had a PhD and was a really lovely intelligent guy. The best thing about those sites is the honesty. The guys don't feel like they have to pretend to want a relationship and the married ones say they're married straight away so at least you're not second guessing. Some of my best dates with the most erudite and educated of men have been from the hookup site and those dates didn't even end up in bed. My worst date was from GSM with a man who was at least 15 years older than he said - he must have been 65 at least...

VetOnCall · 25/02/2018 23:23

I'm persevering with the relationship search for now but if things get desperate in a few months time I might have to consider a stopgap situation! Problem I have though is that if I like someone enough to shag them then I actually do like them - not talking massive attachment, but I can't seem to do 'just' sex.

esk1mo · 25/02/2018 23:37

vet im the exact same. i joined the website to try and not be like that..

anyway, ive just added this guy to whatsapp and searched his phone number into facebook. there is NO way im meeting him.

  1. he isnt very attractive

  2. WE HAVE SO MANY MUTUAL FRIENDS

my fb isnt linked to my number, so he wont find that bit out. but good god, hes friends with my ex’s childhood friends Shock how MORTIFYING.

so um...how do you block on whatsapp?

Kinunir · 26/02/2018 07:30

Problem I have though is that if I like someone enough to shag them then I actually do like them - not talking massive attachment, but I can't seem to do 'just' sex.

Same problem here. I thought it was meant to be easy for us men? Confused

Lovemusic33 · 26/02/2018 07:30

I use a photo with part of my face in it but it’s an older photo (I haven’t changed much). I have met one person on a hook up site and he was lovely but was a bit vanilla in bed. I’m chatting to one other who was using a dick photo. I stay clear f the married men as I don’t want some crazy wife knocking on my door.

Lovemusic33 · 26/02/2018 07:33

The best thing to do is find someone you find atractive enough to sleep with but someone you could never be in a relationship with. The guy I met was ok looking but not really my type, we didn’t have much in comon so I wouldn’t get too attached to him (his life style is a lot different to mine), I have got attached to a FWB before, it’s easy to fall for someone, even more so if they turn out to be amazing in bed.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 26/02/2018 07:40

So last week's OLD scene summary - got contacted by a guy with sunglasses , commented that it was hard for me to relate to someone when I couldn't see their eyes , he came back laying into me and said I was judgemental - eh ? The guy who arranged the second date did not come back on that, just disappeared - his loss ! Another guy that I had to cancel because I was ill 2 weeks ago was certainly offended when I got back in touch - said he had deleted my conversation and couldn't remember where I was even ! What the heck ! Just going to be reading on here now - I don't need strangers giving me crap !

Pogmella · 26/02/2018 07:46

vet That username rings a bell... I think I've been messaged by him too...

RunsforCake14 · 26/02/2018 09:49

I'm having a bit of a bad day today. Checked fbook this morning and my ex from last year has publicly posted who he's in a relationship with now. He was with me for all last year until early December and never told his friends about me, never introduced me to his family, never posted anything that linked to me.
He never posts personal stuff so this is a big announcement to make especially as he supposedly only met her at the earliest mid December. Which makes me think he was lying about seeing someone else.
I'm trying to work but I just feel sick. I don't even have any irons to cheer me up as all the matches from Tinder either disappeared or never replied.

OP posts:
BeenThereDating · 26/02/2018 09:53

Runs that must be so hard for you Flowers

pudding21 · 26/02/2018 09:54

Run That is shit, but remember its not a reflection on you. Go treat yourself to a nice lunch or meet a friend, or go buy some shoes. Can you hide him or remove him from facebook if it is upsetting you?

RunsforCake14 · 26/02/2018 09:56

Thanks Been I knew he was someone but it's the way he's made it so public after virtually denying my existence that's really got to me.

OP posts:
Kinunir · 26/02/2018 09:56

Runs he sounds like a dick, you're well rid of him now though and your OLD filters are set to high. Patience is all that you need now...

RunsforCake14 · 26/02/2018 09:58

pudding I should've removed him long ago but he rarely posts and it's usually either funny or political commentary that I like, so I just left him there.

OP posts:
MissCatt · 26/02/2018 10:00

Oh Runs I feel for you so much. How awful this is to see. Is he still a 'friend' on FB or did you have a peek at his as a non-friend? I'm not sure what your ending with him was like, if it was amicable or not, but maybe the best thing you could do is either block him or, at the very least, unfriend him?

I had EXACTLY this situation happen with Mr Headfuck last year. I was never allowed to his flat, never once met his friends or family, and he grudgingly added me on FB when I got upset he wouldn't (I know now why he wouldn't!!) but then he caused an argument so he had an excuse to unfriend me. It was like I didn't exist in his life (long, messy story). Anyway, very stupidly I still peek at his FB sometimes and see his new woman is happily his friend on there, liking his stuff etc. And also his whatsapp pic is a cutsie cheek-to-cheek couples pic. Sickening. Now I should really take my own advice and block him everywhere, but as yet I haven't. And I keep peeking. And every time I do, like you felt, it's a kick in the guts.

I think some people like to play games, mess with us, treat us badly. I don't know your situation, but if it was a bit turbulent and you felt he behaved oddly/badly towards you, then this could be a way he's triangulating you (and maybe other ex gfs too) with this new woman. If he's a bit of a manipulator/disordered in some way, then you can be sure he's somehow making her jealous too. But, of course, I may be very wrong here and the relationship was good and ended in a decent way.

Either way, try not to look. Try not to wonder whether he was seeing her behind your back or not... it'll do you no good and keep you stuck in the past. Self-care and looking forward is what it's about. You never know when new irons are just around the corner. No good comes of dwelling on the old ones. Hugs.

Vistaverde · 26/02/2018 10:13

Runs I can imagine how difficult that must be for you. I agree with Pudding try to do something nice for you today.

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