Dating Thread 129 - Time to put a new spring in your step

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Catt and ignoring I hear you and I am too nice, in some ways, but it seems a waste to chuck all that money away just to get back at her. I wouldn't consider letting her go ay my expense for any reason other than it's already paid for and I ain't getting that grand back.

I too have tried some 'alternative' sites in the last few days but on the free one I get zero interest - no profile views at all - and on the to-be-paid one I get loads of messages from blank profiles - I'm guessing that's a scam to get me to hand over cash to read them, right?

Kin on the pay for site they seem to send you messages from everyone. I get loads of messages saying ‘thank you for your message’ when I haven’t actually messaged them (the site does it automatically to get you interested). So yes, it is a bit of a con but doesn’t mean you won’t get some real messages from normal people. I get a few.

Ignoring ouch! Hope your head is better soon. Sounds like a good night though! And yes, will keep you updated!

Love, agree with you. It's refreshing to see a non-dick profile on those sites. Frankly I'm all cocked-out after being on there. But have actually had at least 3 chats with decent and attractive guys on there. I think the honesty is definitely more apparent and the games seem less. I'd be happy to meet any one of the three main guys I've been chatting to, though I'm most keen on the recent one I actually swapped numbers with. And he's actually looking for more than just hookups, like me. We shall see.

Kin is there really no way you'd go alone? Could you consider it? It just feels as though she's a) still taking advantage of your generosity if she gets it for nowt and b) she's still kind of got some emotional hold over you. Perhaps examine what it is inside yourself that makes you want to hand over this holiday so readily. What are you trying to prove to her - or yourself?
And on the 'alternative' site, I can't say I've had any contacts that seem spammy. Yes, messages from men with no pics, but they seem 'genuine' - as much as 'show us yer tits' can sound genuine. And then there are the many cock-profiles that message me - some of which I've replied to, most not. And then the more genuine ones with regular face shots. Yes, if you click on their profiles it says you either have to pay per view or sign up for a membership, but you don't actually have to. They will see you've even viewed their semi-faded out profile and, if inclined, they can message you back, which then opens the dialogue for you to reply freely. Or you can add them to your hotlist and they'll see, and also 'friend' people. This all leads to the pay screen, but the action still takes place. Then there's the IM window so you can chat live to online members, paid up or not. I never had a 'thank you for your message' as an opener, but we could be on different sites. I've not paid a thing and had some good chats. But like I said, I've now seen enough dick pics to last a lifetime. Nearly haha

Kin - unless she pays, I would genuinely just go alone, give it to the kids, whatever. There might be a few change fees involved, but do you really want to spend more time with her in knowing the situation?

I hope you sick people are all feeling better.

Val - are you ok?

I have date 3 tonight with Mr East End and I really like him. I don't know if he's seeing other people though. I'd like to tell him I'm interested in seeing more of him and am not also dating other people but I don't want to scare him off. He doesn't seem the type to be scared off but it's happened to me in the past. So basically I want him to know I like him a lot without him thinking I want to marry him after 2 dates .

Kin I would go alone too, I wouldn’t let her go, she doesn’t deserve it. Go alone, you never know, you might find some company whilst there?

Love I might pay for just a month, see how it goes in that case.

Catt The thought of a holiday alone doesn't excite me, given it's in quite a niche area and in April. Taking a friend/kids is not appropriate as it's a room with just one bed . There's no hold there that I'm aware of - I just think it would be spiteful to waste something I won't get the money back from - a logical decision if you like.

anitt One of my kids is still in school so that's a no-go unfortunately.

Alison After 2 dates? Yeah, that might scare him off. Try and be less invested, at least for a few more weeks.

kin I'm with the others that taking her up on her generous offer of letting you fly her somewhere and spoiling her for a few days would be a mistake.

It's understandable that you've invested a lot of time and effort in Miss I, but unless she's willing to pay for half the holiday, in my situation I'd rather go on my own or pay to change the details to someone else. I'd just feel like I was being taken advantage of all over again.

Sorry, cross posted.

It's not spiteful to expect a friend to pay for their own holiday. Tell her to get her own room, at the very least

Bant I'm absolutely not taking her anywhere - I'm merely thinking about letting her go on her own with flights already paid for to a hotel that has already been paid too.

Kin if it was me I would go alone or take one of my kids or a friend with me.

or one of us

Ok not posted for a while, but do read and keep up to date on everyone's activities.

Dipped in and out of OLD since October. Mixed success, had some lovely fun dates but there was no spark. Equally had some awfully boring ones I could no wait to end. Overall I would say it's been positive and I've met some really interesting people, a couple whom I think will remain friends.

Anyway last week I started messaging Mr J. The chat over text was really easy and flowed well. It wasn't constant and felt a nice balance. We met last night and for the first time i felt a connection immediately (It’s really taken me by surprise). Broke the rule of a first date and we were out for seven hours! But the time just flew. We chatted and laughed, it really was lovely and we both agreed it was like we'd known each other for years.
We shared a taxi home (strangely we live very near each other) and for the first time I was disappointed he was a gentleman and we went to our separate houses. On reflection now I think that was possibly for the best.
We have messaged this morning and they remain the same easy chit chat. But I feel we are both skirting around meeting again. I feel like a bloody teenager!! I don't want to be too forward and put him off. Not sure why I'm posting today but felt the need to share

So hang on, step back a second. Wait a minute here kin

You dated this woman for three months, paid for everything, including two holidays, and she says to you that she generally doesn't sleep with anyone for two years.

You take her to Italy and share a bed, and she didn't bring any cash with her to even pay for her own coffee or buy you one.

You call things off because, understandably, you're looking for a romantic relationship which involves physical intimacy and sex.

And then... what.. she gets back in touch to ask if she can still go on the other holiday you paid for? Without you? And you're considering this?

What the actual fuck?

Hi, I'm delurking!
Val hope you're ok this morning
Kin I say go by yourself and use the time as restorative and enjoy your own company . I can't believe she expects you to hand the holiday over! If you don't want to go, what about giving it to a single parent friend who would love time to themselves?

These alternative sites people are talking about? Are they hook up sites like FabSwingers or something?
I think I'd be too scared to try them!!

Well, I thought I was benches, having met a lovely guy on Tinder. Has a job and a house, which is a HUGE step up for me we've had half a dozen dates, and moose burgers He's started saying he wants more though, and wants to see me more. He lives 25 miles away and doesn't bloody drive. After my last catastrophic relationship I'm quite frankly not doing all the work, so I've told him that I'd like to keep seeing him and I'm happy with slow. I don't think he is though.
Sooo, I'm keeping options open I have a coffee with an iron tomorrow - a tall GP. I shall call him MisterDoctor. He's a big monosyllabic though. Bit worried I'll end up doing a song and dance act to keep the conversation going Ach we'll see! The other iron is an artist and flakey - only emails and about every 4 days - not sure whether that's a goer or not.
This is hard work!!!!

Kin... what Bant said. Exactly that.

..... and I think Bant has expressed it best 😂

Just popping in to say hello - still (fingers crossed) firmly on the smitten bench.
A question for the blokes here, though. It's Mr F's birthday this week. Would it be weird to make him a birthday cake? I'd like to take him something, and have absolutely no idea as to what would be a good present. Everyone likes cake, right? Or not?? (I am also planning on taking him out to dinner!)

Seriously kin. Not to pile on here and I get that you dont want the money to go to waste, but surely there are other people in your life more desrving of a free holiday than her? You can even get them to pay the change fees themselves if you dont want to put more money into it but like. Really? You are rewarding her behaviour if you do this. Does she really deserve that?

(Would be something like a substantial fruit cake rather than a sponge-with-candles if that makes a difference )

How long has it been with Mr F?

I'd probably like to get a cake from someone I'm involved with. But I'd be a bit put off if I got one from someone too early on.

Everyone's different though, you obviously know him better than anyone on here. What do you think?

So could I have a quick Straw pole on the use of "Viewed me" please...
Option 1) You use it as a way to show you're interested and then they can message you off you like.
Option 2) If someone has viewed you but not messaged you assume that there was something in your profile that didn't click with them and they chose not to message because of that.

I'm with option 2. I look at a lot of profiles to read what they've written but I don't message very many because after reading I'm not interested.

sadik I think a substantial fruit cake is a bit too much, unless you've been dating a real while? Would you give it to him in public or at home? I think I'd go along the lines of a jokey Colin the caterpillar one if a cake is warranted. I don't know!

We've been seeing each other since early Dec, so not that long. We're definitely an item though (have been introduced to his friends in the pub 😁). I'd say he's more a solid cake sort of chap, definitely not a sponge! (Perhaps ginger cake with treacle...)

Spring it's option two for me and for most people I suspect. To use 'view' just as a way of showing interest seems a bit flaky to me.

Kin I can see how you could end up in a position where she gets the holiday and perhaps it's a done deal already. Enormously giving of you though if you do that for her. And really poor behaviour from her IMO. You're so well out of that relationship