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Original poster

Would you stay with someone who lied to you?

95 replies

BeauxReves · 21/02/2018 02:16

Just that really. He is kind and caring and we get on well but I have caught him lying to me on a number of occasions. He says his actions were completely wrong and he promises he will never lie to me again. I agreed to give him a chance to show me it would never happen again. But he has no problem lying to other people still, which I know because he is very open about it. It bothers me how dishonesty comes so naturally to him. Am I over thinking it? As long as he is honest with me does it matter? I guess I’m worried I won’t know if he lies to me again. And if it comes so naturally to him, can he stop himself from lying to me too?

OP posts:
Original poster
BeauxReves · 21/02/2018 05:25

That’s what I’m starting to feel. I was enjoying life when I met him. But now I’m miserable. And broke. (He owes me a significant amount of money). I had a termination booked but couldn’t go through with it. But now I wonder if I made the wrong decision as all this could be over by now. I can’t cope having a baby by myself. I have children already and am still dealing with my abusive ex husband. If I end the relationship because if the things he has done I want nothing more to do with him, which would be impossible if I have his baby...

OP posts:
Original poster
BeauxReves · 21/02/2018 05:26

The lies and everything only came to light after I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t knowingly get pregnant with a man I knew to be lying to me etc

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/02/2018 05:38

Can you agree a repayment plan with him? If he sticks to that then you'll be able to see if he can be trusted but you can probably assume you're not getting that money back.

How long have you been with him?

Original poster
BeauxReves · 21/02/2018 05:41

He has agreed to pay a certain amount each month from next month. But if he doesn’t stick to it it would be too late (in my mind) to end the pregnancy.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/02/2018 05:49

It doesn't sound like a good situation to bring a child into tbh but only you can decide if you want to carry on with the pregnancy.

He seems quite unreliable and he doesn't have any integrity. I think you'd have to have the baby knowing that you could be doing it all alone.

It's difficult; if I were you then I'd have the termination, dump the idiot and focus on the children I already have.

Original poster
BeauxReves · 21/02/2018 05:58

It’s becoming more and more tempting. He packed his bags (he left some stuff here after he moved out) on Sunday and was leaving (again) but I always get so upset and somehow he ends up staying.

OP posts:
Bananacabana · 21/02/2018 06:35

So he is lying to you, using your home and car for free (possible cocklodger behaviour), borrowed money yet not paid you back and now you're in debt. He does not appear to be a good man and sounds to be only bringing problems to your life.

Trust your instincts and good luck Thanks

Bananacabana · 21/02/2018 06:39

Also, when you say you get so upset and he ends up staying, is that because of your feelings for him, your pregnancy or is he manipulating you so he can stay?

honeylulu · 21/02/2018 06:54

How many weeks pregnant are you?
If it's still fairly early then please seriously consider your options.

He sounds like a cocklodger and a fantasist, lying about stuff that doesn't even matter. If you have his baby he'll be in your life forever even if you dump his sorry arse. He won't pay maintenance either!

Cambionome · 21/02/2018 07:09

If you have his baby you are going to be tied to this sorry waste of space for life!

Tinkalilly · 21/02/2018 07:19

My husband is a liar. We have heenan together 13 years, he has lied a lot, some small stuff, some a lot bigger stuff. We have split up 4 times and got back together, cos of his lies, every time he bullies me into giving him another chance. I don't trust him, I don't think I will ever be able to. it's a horrible way to live. I'm waiting for what's going to happen next, something always happens again!! Don't live like this, get out while you can, otherwise you could find yourself trapped in his lies and decipt!! X

Huntinginthedark · 21/02/2018 08:30

Unless he is going go and do some hardcore psychotherapy to work out why he lies like this and to alter his behaviour then it’s a lost cause

LemonShark · 21/02/2018 08:50

Oh god no. Being able to trust your partner is absolutely essential in a relationship. You're sharing a home, finances, children, bodily fluids, friends! You absolutely have to be able to know that when he is telling you something it's the truth. If you don't have that you genuinely don't have a relationship.

I could forgive it as a one off I think if I understood why. But any more than that no chance. Life is too short to be second guessing yourself and questioning everything someone who apparently loves you says.

Not to mention the sheer disrespect. Taking you for an idiot thinking he can just say any old shit and you'll swallow it.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 21/02/2018 08:51

Lying erodes trust and trust is the foundation of your relationship . It would be a deal breaker for me xx

LemonShark · 21/02/2018 08:51

I don't mean this to be harsh OP but, consider a termination. You have the biggest responsibility to your existing children. Bringing a new child into their lives with the financial difficulties and tying your family uni to a compulsive liar permanently isn't likely to be what's best for your existing children.

Maatsuyker · 21/02/2018 08:58

You're letting your existing children down by getting into debt because of him. If you really can't do it alone you should consider a termination. This relationship won't last anyway. I'd never ever thought that I would hope someone would consider a termination Shock.

bowtieandheels · 21/02/2018 09:02

My ex always lied, I ended up not being able to believe anything he said and it was too exhausting to question him and call him out on it every time so to be able to cope with it I just started not caring about what he told me...which was the beginning of the end. I lost respect for him, that's not a healthy relationship.

Slanetylor · 21/02/2018 09:04

How do your children feel about him? It doesn't sound like you really love him and he sounds like too much work for me. If you are keeping the baby sit down and do your maths to see the reality. And DONT count on his paying you back. He's probably lying about that. It's a tough situation to be in but he's not going to ride in and make everything ok.

Angelf1sh · 21/02/2018 09:11

Why is the paying back starting next month? Why not this month? Sounds like another delaying tactic to me. I’d get rid of both.

Original poster
BeauxReves · 21/02/2018 09:31

He has started a new and is waiting to be paid, so can’t start repayments until next month.

I’m starting to feel that the threats to leave are him being manipulative because it’s not as a result of me ending the relationship or saying I’m definitely not keeping the baby. The other day when I tried to talk to him about my concerns re another baby he decided that meant I had decided to terminate and told me he had arranged to leave the next morning. He then changed his mind when it came to it and I didn’t really understand why as we hadn’t had a deep conversation or anything.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 21/02/2018 09:33

I was with an accomplished liar for a good few years.
It was like breathing to him.
They NEVER change.
It's like a little competition with themselves.
They give themselves a good pat on the back when they get away with a lie.
It's truly strange and something I have never been able to understand.
He did it to everyone.
And as much as you may think he's not doing it to you.
HE IS!!!!
You know what to do.
This is no way to live.

PeaPodPopper · 21/02/2018 09:49

No.

ferando81 · 21/02/2018 09:49

He owes you money and continually lies and you are still with him ?Actions not words count .Any attempt to pay the money back ?

Original poster
BeauxReves · 21/02/2018 09:51

Not yet as he is waiting to be paid but I do believe he will. Otherwise he would have just done a runner surely?

OP posts:
catbasilio · 21/02/2018 10:14

OP, big hugs. If you can terminate, do so. If not, you will be a survivor and just focus on the baby. My advice would be like everyone else's, leave him.

But! I am with a similar person myself. And I struggle to leave the relationship. I know it is hard. I just tell myself, I will gather all my strength and leave. But I am still with him. I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. I am divorced and got children, like you. I see lies flying out of his mouth left and right, without a second thought. I know that's not right but I was hopeful he is at least honest with me.
Recently, he's broken my trust with something fundamental. Now I know, he has been dishonest with me too.

He is still the same loving, kind, caring man, lots of attention, affection, good for my DC. Yet, he seems to be in denial of what he's done to me. I think they even lie to themselves.

I've lost my faith in men. I am so low, I think there aren't any good men, so why even bother dumping my bf and looking for another one. Maybe they all lie. That's not a good place to be.

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