Am I wrong/stupid for being mad/upset about this

[DollFace13]

Hiya everyone
I had posted a while back and me and Ds father.
We have been very up and down the past year in the relationship which has resulted in us living separately.
A lot has gone on. So I won't bore you all as I'm sure by my last post I already did
Cut a long story short. DS is 20 months.
Me and DS have been together nearly 3 years in May but have been friends 10 years.
In those 3 months a hell of a lot has gone on. Very draining. I even moved from Scotland to be here so he could be part of DS life. I get no thanks and no efforts from his side of the family to see Ds ( only when DF has DS at weekends and it's on their door step)
Annnyway.
Me and OH finally called it quits in December but it's been very flaky and we've still been in contact. Civil chit chat and for DS arrangements ( which until not he made unbelievable difficult)

Anyway yesterday 13th February ( eye rolls day before valentine's) was his birthday and although we haven't really been talking the past week. I bought gifts from me and DS . He was happy by this.

Now my issue is this.
As we don't live together I ordered Valentine's cards to his house and a Millie's cookie from DS saying "'happy Valentine's day daddy"
I made sure it was delivered today ect.
Apparently he had got it all after the cookie was delivered to next door as they thought he wasn't home. Yet he didn't even message me to say he'd got them or thanks (although he's been speaking to me yesterday )
As the day went on the realisation kicked in that it looks like I wasn't getting anything at all for Valentine's .. I don't mean from him.but I thought he might of got me a card from our DS as a nice thought.
But nope..... It's got to about 9pm now OH works till 7 so I thought maybe he might drive through with something rather than have something delivered. But nope
This actually really hurt me. The fact that not even a thought to get a card from DS for me for Valentine's.
I questioned it a lot and thought maybe I'm being ridiculous but then I messaged him. We have ended up arguing . His excuse being he thought I ordered this all ages ago when we were on good terms and if I hadn't k wouldn't have given him.anythin today. Which I said wasn't true. I would still get him something from DS hense why there's no gift from me.
Then he through a spanner in the works and said .
Well I didn't acknowledge his birthday last year when we were under the same roof..
(There is a reason I didn't and he knows that reason)
But apparently I didn't and he's pinned that on me for every occasion. Including our anniversary last year. I got him a card ( even though we argued days before) but he didn't get me one yet used the same excuse that I didn't acknowledge his birthday .

Anyway. Am I being ridiculous for being upset. Because I really am :( I've had the shittiest day

Yabu IMO. Valentines day is for lovers/partners. I actually think it's really weird to get stuff to/from kids on valentines day.

Really?

But at the end of the day . Love is love ?
What's wrong with having a card and a cookie saying I love you daddy/mummy ?

Eh? You've broken up in December yet expected a Valentine? And if not from him, for him to buy one from your child? That's not really how its done in the UK, although I believe they do something along those lines in America. I think you're being a bit daft really.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Sorry. Valentine's Day isn't a big thing for a lot of people - especially cards to and from DCs.

Cards from kids to parent's is just weird.

Isn't Valentine's meant to be when you send a card anonymously to somebody you may fancy?
It's commercial claptrap best avoided!

Yabu, mothers day is from children not valentines, id be abit creeped out if my ex had sent me something from DC...

Valentines is the day of lovers hence gbe red rose thing... it means actual lovers not love

@altheaordonna it was never really 'offically over' we got head and said things including 'its over' but we have been talking ever since and even been on dates. Maybe it's the way I put it in my message.
I wasn't expecting a Valentine's from him. Even though I ordered his couple of weeks ago. But since then we had a falling out and started talking again ( confusing I know)
But I thought he may have got me a card from DS since I got him one and a cookie.

Reply to all. Well maybe it is me being unreasonable :/
I thought it was 'a thing' to do. It never crossed my mind being creepy or others thought it was creepy.
I just saw it as love is love and treated it like a celebration thing. That's the whole reason I got OH a card from DS and cookie to make him feel loved and special.
And was upset that he didn't do it for me too.

Grow up. Valentine's Day is for lovers

Geeez calm down.

I only asked if I was being unreasonable which it looks like I have been.
I didn't know it wasn't was classed as creepy or anything like that.
It's something I won't be doing again

YABU. Valentine’s Day is for lovers, not to be celebrated between parents and children. That is just downright weird and creepy.

You are wrong but not stupid, cos I can understand your thought process (even I don't agree with it!)

BUT what stands out to me, is you both set the other other up to 'fail' then have over inflated rows about nothing.

Is this drama something you both enjoy / get off on?

I think you need to look at your relationship dynamic, you both have a n actual child to parent.

Sorry, yes, I think you are being a bit unreasonable here. If it was mother's day, you'd have more of an excuse - but a lot of men are bad enough at sorting out cards for occasions that they should give cards for, let alone thinking about cards from others for you.

Plus there's a possibility he might have thought it was giving you the wrong idea if he'd sent you a V card.

It's cute that you wanted to do one from your son, but it's unusual. However, put your thoughts in front of your ex re Mother's Day now, and explain to him that it would be lovely if he could help your son do a card for you then. Hopefully he'll do the nice thing then!

@whattodoaboutthis2017

Yes so it seems. Like I stated above. I had no idea that people actually freaked out at parents/children sending Valentine's cards or gifts.

My mum has gotten me a Valentine's card near enough every year and a box of chocolates. I never once thought that was creepy. In fact I loved it and I saw it as it's the purest love from mother and daughter. I would prefer that over some secret admirer.
So I did the same for my 20 month DS i got him a card and personalised teddy and a cupcake.
It's until today doing this post that I have realized people are creeped out by it.

The only thing I was questioning was why OH didn't do the same for me as I did for him. As a nice thought from our DS for Valentine's etc

He probably won't do it for your birthday either OP....not being mean but just preparing you.

You're not a couple any more so it's not to be expected.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad.

Thank.you for your reply. Yes I can see I've been unreasonable but in my defense it looks like I have treated Valentine's day like a birthday or mother's Day
Which is where I went wrong.
I had no idea that people thought this was wrong.

But I see where you're coming from about him giving the wrong impression giving me one and I agree that men have a hard enough time with occasions and cards as it is.
So yes I think I've over reacted

Ugh. My mum did the VD card thing. The over riding message is "You're far too ugly for anyone to want you romanticly so here's a consolation prize."

@girldownunder

Thanks for your reply
No I certainly don't get off on it and this is why I ended it ( well was first to say it's over) but it hasn't really been over.
Without giving you a story book. He doesn't communicate 90% time. So all these arguments never really get resolved. I like to talk about things, he likes to brush things under the carpet. This is where we butt heads. He could not talk for days then slowly worm his way back to talking again without actually talking about the issues/situation that occurred. I can not talk too but I always like to talk it over afterwards. He doesn't.
So since December nothing has been resolved and we have just plodded along trying to make it work and it clearly isn't. There's alot of issues I'm unhappy about the past few years , that we haven't really got to the root of it.
Which finally got me to say I'm done. But we always seem to fall back into the civil chit chat and we get on but then something happens and we are right back to not talking again. This is why I think things are never clear

Some of you are being harsh on Dollface and calling her "creepy" for sending a gift is just ridiculous.
Dollface was making a guesture and he was rude not to even thank her and to completely ignore it.
However Dollface I dont think he deserves any guestures like this. You say it's not completely over. You need to find out exactly where things stand with him or you will continue to get hurt.
I'd stick to just birthdays and Christmas cards from your child to him. You need to work out what is important, which is how much you want him to be involved in your child's life, and find out from him how much he wants to be involved. Is he unkind to you in general, if so you need to lower your expectations and get over him. Is there someone in RL you can talk to about how to organise his sharing time with your son? Best wishes

@daningwithotters
Thanks for your reply.
Yes I'm in England . I didn't know it was uncommon until this post.

It probably didn't cross his mind he doesn't tend to think... He doesn't tend to think about others either.
We did do Valentine's when we were a full on couple. One year I was pregnant and we just did the flowers Chinese thing..last year I took him out for dinner for his birthday/Valentine's as they are a day apart but because Valentine's was a week day I did the weekend before ( few days before)
And this year would have been our 3rd one.

In America Valentine’s Day is a much broader thing, people send cards to all family members and kids exchange cards and candy with their classmates.

In the U.K. a parent might give one to their child but it’s not like Mother’s Day where you would expect that an ex partner would organise that on behalf of their child.

For an ex partner it rather blurs boundaries. If you had a new partner would you still have expected something? If your ex-DP had a new partner would you still have sent him something?

You need to be clear on where you both stand. Together or not. It will save hurt feelings down the road.

You’re upset because you assumed gifts to/from your child on Valentines is a done thing. It’s understandable. It’s also understandable that your DP/ExDP doesn’t do it, as he was never raised to do so like you.

I think that the fact your relationship is very rocky has made the lack of gift seem worse. You need to get past this quickly, and work on whether you want to save the relationship, or if it’s truly over. For the sake of your child first and foremost, as it’s not healthy all the on again off again crap. You’re not a lovesick 16 year old any more.

@cavender @ALemonyPea

Thank you both for your replies.
I get where you are both coming from and I thank you for your input.
I can see where the confusion/crossed wires are now.
Yes our relationship ATM is very flaky and on and off. There's no boundaries anymore especially the are we lovers or ex lovers.
You are also right saying would I send one if he had a new partner . I wouldn't from me but you know what I probably would for my DS sake as a gift to daddy. But that's me.
I know he's probably not been brought up the way I have and he probably didn't think and I get that now.
I also never thought it was creepy and I still don't really.

Hand on heart I think I know its over and I want it to be as I don't want the relationship (well how it is now) I think too much has gone on and caused way to much damage to get passed.
I can't make him communicate and that's the issue I have , there's others too but it's too long to explain.

Thanks again for your advice I've taken it all in

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

Thank you!
Yes I certainly won't be doing any other gestures now.
I think it's all just been flaky and wires have been crossed and he's probably not even thought.
Yes he has been unkind quite a lot since leaving this house in July , he's made certain things extremely difficult and theres always a situation/issue every other week since.
We have arrangements in place now for Ds. It's just this boundaries and making it clear it's over that is starting to weigh me down a bit.
It feels like no matter how much I say I'm done we go round in circles and we're back to the start and we just go round and round.
I really want to get off the roundabout for my own sanity and especially for me son