Am I wrong/stupid for being mad/upset about this

[DollFace13]

Hiya everyone
I had posted a while back and me and Ds father.
We have been very up and down the past year in the relationship which has resulted in us living separately.
A lot has gone on. So I won't bore you all as I'm sure by my last post I already did
Cut a long story short. DS is 20 months.
Me and DS have been together nearly 3 years in May but have been friends 10 years.
In those 3 months a hell of a lot has gone on. Very draining. I even moved from Scotland to be here so he could be part of DS life. I get no thanks and no efforts from his side of the family to see Ds ( only when DF has DS at weekends and it's on their door step)
Annnyway.
Me and OH finally called it quits in December but it's been very flaky and we've still been in contact. Civil chit chat and for DS arrangements ( which until not he made unbelievable difficult)

Anyway yesterday 13th February ( eye rolls day before valentine's) was his birthday and although we haven't really been talking the past week. I bought gifts from me and DS . He was happy by this.

Now my issue is this.
As we don't live together I ordered Valentine's cards to his house and a Millie's cookie from DS saying "'happy Valentine's day daddy"
I made sure it was delivered today ect.
Apparently he had got it all after the cookie was delivered to next door as they thought he wasn't home. Yet he didn't even message me to say he'd got them or thanks (although he's been speaking to me yesterday )
As the day went on the realisation kicked in that it looks like I wasn't getting anything at all for Valentine's .. I don't mean from him.but I thought he might of got me a card from our DS as a nice thought.
But nope..... It's got to about 9pm now OH works till 7 so I thought maybe he might drive through with something rather than have something delivered. But nope
This actually really hurt me. The fact that not even a thought to get a card from DS for me for Valentine's.
I questioned it a lot and thought maybe I'm being ridiculous but then I messaged him. We have ended up arguing . His excuse being he thought I ordered this all ages ago when we were on good terms and if I hadn't k wouldn't have given him.anythin today. Which I said wasn't true. I would still get him something from DS hense why there's no gift from me.
Then he through a spanner in the works and said .
Well I didn't acknowledge his birthday last year when we were under the same roof..
(There is a reason I didn't and he knows that reason)
But apparently I didn't and he's pinned that on me for every occasion. Including our anniversary last year. I got him a card ( even though we argued days before) but he didn't get me one yet used the same excuse that I didn't acknowledge his birthday .

Anyway. Am I being ridiculous for being upset. Because I really am :( I've had the shittiest day

Aww OP. Don’t be sad. I always got a Valentines off my dad, I think it was a sweet thing. I always get my children things too! But I don’t expect things back from them, although my DH gets me a mother’s day card.... fucking weird 😂. It was a nice thing to do, maybe in future just get your child something nice that you can share.

@lolitalempicka

Thank you
I'm not so sad now. I can see where it might have gone wrong and I'm glad people have called me up on over reacting. I prefer people tell me straight if I'm being ridiculous or not.
So it's given me a lot of food for thought.
I will stick to birthday, father's Day and Christmas for gifts from DS to dad.
I will not expect anything in return from now on. Then I can't be disappointed.
I will save Valentine's for me and Ds and I'll do things we can share. Gifts and special days out.

P.s I love your name... It's a favourite perfume of mine :)

My favourite too!
This year I was extra sneaky and got my dd things that she is relatively indifferent about, but that I love! Including our dinner (her dad works overseas) so really it was a present to myself! 😂 you could do this next year!

Oh and just to add for everyone reading this thread

I just remembered that that DS dad got me a card and gift from DS to me last Valentine's day ( as did I to him). So it wasn't like it was uncommon for me to do this year as well or him for that matter.
He just chose not to so it seems.

@LolitaLempicka

Brilliant idea.
I will definitely make next Valentine's about me and DS. I did this year and we had fun. Made pancakes/Valentine's cupcakes and I gave him my gifts to him and he's been lovely.
So I'll definitely make it a celebration thing for us .

Thanks again

yabvu - sorry I think you are still too emotionally dependent on him and you might want to consider low contact to get yourself some perspective. Good luck.

Abit harsh calling her creepy she thought they were still together but not living together so that's why she did it and thought he would in return my son's have always given me cards I don't see that as creepy as they make them but as the relationship was rocky and you said further down the thread that u told him it was finished even if u were having civil chit chat and went out a few times I probably wouldn't have gave him anything and wouldn't have txt him to see where mine was u should have left it at lesson learned but ure mum did this with u and it's first baby but u know now x

Honestly OP, I think your mother has blurred and warped your expectations here by sending you stuff on Valentine’s Day. Massive no no. She’s set you up to expect the same and it’s honestly not fair on anyone you are involved with. They can’t be expected to keep up some weird unusual tradition and then be criticised for it. This is the UK, not the USA. Try and be normal and stop getting upset by weird things. Mother’s Day is for kids to send their Mum something. Valentine’s Day is for an expression of romantic love between lovers. Anyone who does the parent/kid thing on Valentine’s Day is being really weird and I find it all a bit yukky. If my OH expected things from our kids on Valentine’s Day it would be a massive NO WAY. If he then got upset about it, I’d be suggesting he seek professional help as that’s just wrong. Try and get upset only about things that really matter in the future and stop sending cookies on Valentine’s Day! Yukk!

I’m in Australia and we don’t do Valentine’s Day between parents and kids either. It’s considered a ‘romantic’ thing here so if between parent and child it would seem quite untoward in a way and would probably have people wondering what the heck was going on in that family.

I think the general celebration is just a USA thing, mass brainwashing by Hallmark and the like to increase sales essentially and people there readily jump on board.

Aside from all this Valentine stuff, it seems to me like you are the one who makes all the effort in general.

Are you happy having moved? Is there somewhere you'd rather be?

Your ex and his his family don't sound at all giving. And that they take you for granted.

I'd stop flogging that particular dead horse, personally and move on, move away and let your ex make more of an effort with his ds.

No one is freaking out.

I think the main point is setting some emotionally healthy boundaries for yourself.
Examples
1 You have broken up and still call him your OH...
2 You are spending time and effort on this gift giving.
It’s interesting that you comment he was happy with his presents for his b day. Most people would give a generic gift and not give it a second thought.

I am not sure but I think maybe you are looking for signs he still cares for you as you are not over the relationship yet...

I haven't read other comments on here but yes I would say you are being unreasonable. I didn't and never even thought of buying gifts for my ex from the dcs when we split. In fact I couldn't think of anything worse lol. V day is for partners/marriages imo. It's for each other, especially when you have dcs and they take over your life.

He more than likely didn't expect any sort of gift and I don't really think it's fair to expect him to finish work then have to rush out and get something for you and bring it over. If it was Mother's Day, then absolutely.

My DC have been brainwashed by the heart shaped chocolate in the shops and love to celebrate Valentine’s Day!

I don't mean from him.but I thought he might of got me a card from our DS as a nice thought.

I will probably get slated for this, but that would be a very female thing to do. It just wouldn’t occur to most men to do that.

@chickenMom

Oh come on.
Little over the top with your comment there. Calm down
As for giving my son gifts on Valentine's. I will do as I please.
I gave birth to him and I have the purest love for him
So you know what. Screw you
Whether it's the UK, USA, f**king China even. Valentine's is love and that is what I have for my son.
How anyone can see that as creepy. As you say NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP!
Because anyone who can see that as seedy have some dark thoughts.
And please do not call my mother warped. You do not know her and you can't simply judge someone , on the fact they have got there child gift and a card on Valentine's.
I think you need to have a word with yourself

I think you need to calm down op, valentines is not about parents and kids, never has been, it’s about secret admirers and fancying someone - I don’t see where parents and kids come into that at all

@trojanpony. @HoppingPavlova @blitzy12 @Leilaniiii

I'll reply all in the one message as in my thread I've already gone over most of this.
Like I said above. I have seen where wires have crossed and I can also see I've over reacted a bit.

It's my first child and I was doing a nice gesture.
Like my mum did for me and like I've seen so many other mums and dads do the same.
If you're all weirded out by the fact I have my son a card and a cupcake/teddy. Then I think it's not me with the issues here.

Yes it might be more of a money making scheme for hallmark ect.
But I've seen a lot of parents do this , this is why I'm so shocked that people have reacted the way they have.
Oh and FYI DS dad got me a gift and card last year from DS as I did I for him. So it's not like this was a one off and he didn't know of the gesture before. I just did what we did last year and was a little taken back that he didn't do a card.

To someone's reply
No. I'm really not looking for signs if he stills cares or not. Yes I called it quits but he also has . Yet we still seem to be coming back together. Trying to make it work. Which clearly is not happening.

I have been the one in the so called relationship doing all the effort on everything.

Like I have said previously. I now know what I need to do and that's to make it clear to DS dad that it's 💯 over and I will be moving on and he does the same. So stuff like this doesn't happen again.

Sorry OP but i think you need to get over this man and move on. You're not together any more and I actually think it's a bit strange you would give each other Valentines gifts even if they are from your DS. I wouldn't give my parents valentines gifts. That fact you are still talking about issues/arguments you had when together tells me you haven't accepted this relationship is over.

sounds like a fundamentally bad relationship you should stop flogging now. concentrate on co parenting your son and being happy as individuals. this is a petty argument it's a waste of time and energy.

I will probably get slated for this, but that would be a very female thing to do. It just wouldn’t occur to most men to do that.

Most women wouldn't either.

Valentine's is for partners not parents and DC.

@merrz
Like I have previously stated. No one has really accepted it as we keep coming back to try and make it work.
Which clearly isn't working. So like I shave said. I will be making this clear and we are 💯 % over.

Just to add to those saying it’s not creepy or weird - of course it’s not! All the holidays we culturally celebrate for whatever reason mean different things to different people.

As you’ve said OP you need to cut everything with this guy except co parenting. If you want to keep giving your ds a valentine gift then you do it and screw the naysayers, but don’t send anything from him to DH. I’d leave your ex’s mum or someone to sort a birthday gift etc from ds too.

Sorry ex DP not DH

If you look up the history of Valentine’s Day, OP, you get the following:

The day first became associated with romantic love within the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. In 18th-century England, it evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines").

During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance.

There are other romantic connections too, but it would be a very long post if I were to list them all.

What I’m trying to say is that Valentines has always been about romantic love, and never parental love. People think giving your kids a Valentine is weird because Valentines specifically symbols romantic love, and nobody should be celebrating a day about romantic love with their children.

@WhatToDoAboutThis2017

Hey. I understand completely where you and others are coming from.
But I could say the same about other traditional occasions like Christmas .
People don't always follow Christmas correctly. If you look up that you will see that too.
Times have changed and I know a big handful of people that give their children gifts for Valentine's and parents gifts from their child.
Including schools doing make a card/gift for mummy and daddys.

Anyway my point was about have I over reacted which I may well have done.
But the fact that he got me a gift from my son last year and not this year threw me a little because we are not exactly what you call 'over' or 'exs' we are still in that complicated stage.
So that was my issue. But now I know all this I have made in in my best interest for me and my DS to just move on and set clear boundaries because there have never really been any.