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Original poster

Pregnant - should i tell him?

83 replies

toffeeapple123 · 13/02/2018 19:58

Found out this morning I'm pregnant. Total shock.

I immediately booked myself a termination and told my best friends as well as my mother. All support my decision.

I am not at the right stage - even though I have a good job, good career prospects, my own place etc, I am not in a loving long term relationship.

In fact, the guy doesn't have a job yet, is still applying (is incredibly smart - he will get a good positon eventually), has no money, relies on his parents etc.

We met on online dating, and the beginning was rocky - he didn't want anything serious etc. But a month ago, I threatened to walk, and said we should try to date properly because it was clear we both liked each other. Since then, he has been stepping up and spending a lot of time with me, planning trips, cooking meals, doing my shopping etc. But it's only been 4-5 weeks max. We don't talk about our feelings and we haven't planned anything for v-day tomorrow.

I guess I am looking for thoughts on whether or not I should tell him.
Intitally I thought no...but now I feel weird for telling several people and not him. Not sure what could be gained by telling him, though. He's not in the right stage to have a baby and he may well just run after finding out.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:
Huntinginthedark · 13/02/2018 22:33

@Koala72
Odfod
Not really the place is it.

Koala72 · 13/02/2018 22:39

? what is 'Odfod'?

Huntinginthedark · 13/02/2018 22:40

Google it!

Myheartbelongsto · 13/02/2018 22:50

It means oh do fuck off dear. How fuckin rude is that!

I agree with everything you said.

Op the right thing to do is tell him not go with the majority of strangers on the internet.

Huntinginthedark · 13/02/2018 22:53

Koala
I agreed with everything you said UNTIL
The last paragraph. It’s not the place for that, it’s incredibly insensitive even if it is your view. Keep it to yourself here.

dirtybadger · 13/02/2018 22:54

I would tell him, if you are interested in him seriously. Because;

  1. It may be easier than telling him later on. I would be shit at keeping it quiet forever. It might slip out and then be awkward in 10 years time.
  1. His reaction will be a good indicator of whether he is worth sticking around for.
  1. Your actions can also help him decide if you are right for him. The other side of number 2, really.

Koala, its not a "baby". And what is someone who doesnt want a child giving away? A child they dont want and arent ready for?....Hmm

Huntinginthedark · 13/02/2018 22:54

Myheartbelongsto
I actually said she should tell him

Joysmum · 13/02/2018 23:30

As it’s an ongoing relationship I would from an open and honest POV which relationships are based on.

It’d also make it easier to discuss additional/alternative more effective forms of contraception in future.

Best of luck op, in whatever you decide to do Flowers

TokenGinger · 13/02/2018 23:56

Completely agree with Koala.

Viviennemary · 14/02/2018 00:20

No. What would be the point if you have already made up your mind what you're going to do.

Dancingfairy · 14/02/2018 00:20

I wouldn't tell him (not saying what you should do just what I would do) as I wouldn't want the judgement and if I wasn't keeping it anyway I wouldn't see the point, or want him to try to persuade me.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 14/02/2018 08:05

Agree with @koala72 , people telling her to fuck off need to get a moral compass and maybe increase their vocabulary if a rude acronym is the best they can do when responding to someone who challenges their opinion.

Huntinginthedark · 14/02/2018 08:09

I will tell anyone I like to fuck off if they come on a thread and not so subtly try and push their anti abortion addenda to a woman who has already made up her mind about not keeping the child, the op wasn’t asking advice about her termination.

“Are you sure you know what you're giving away, and that you're ok to do that?“

Taylor22 · 14/02/2018 08:12

Don't tell him. What if he wants to keep it? Can't be swayed and now you've got it deal with that. What if he won't support you?

There is nothing to tell.
You've got a medical issue that you're seeing your Dr to get resolved.
Absolutely nothing to tell.

Huntinginthedark · 14/02/2018 08:12

Preeceded by

“I'm not going to modify the degree to which I say exactly what I think because of what others might say about me”

And then some sensible shit in the middle so that it makes the poster look like it’s not anti abortion.

I couldn’t care less if you’re anti abortion, but this is not the thread for it. And all you people piling in saying you agree are arsholes for doing that to the op on her thread which is not about her choice about having a termination or not

Desmondo2016 · 14/02/2018 08:14

I would tell him. But it wouldn't be open to debate as to whether I go ahead with the abortion or not.

user7680 · 14/02/2018 09:28

It’s his child too he might persuade you to keep it...... I wouldn’t tell him

category12 · 14/02/2018 09:40

I don't know. I think if you tell him, be clear from the start that the decision is made. How he supports you or doesn't will certainly bring the relationship into focus.

Desmondo2016 · 14/02/2018 10:41

How would you feel if he said he loved you and saw your future together and begged you to keep the baby?

ClareB83 · 14/02/2018 10:59

I agree with @dirtybadger.

Adviceplease360 · 14/02/2018 11:14

Agree with koala.
Why shouldn't the op have an appreciation of exactly what she's doing. If she's happy then questioning her choice should reinforce her decision not make her doubt it.
Personally, I am sick of being encouraging and being so blasé about abortions like its taking antibiotics.

something2say · 14/02/2018 11:30

I would tell him. My feeling is that it's too big a deal to not tell and it is his right to know.

Awkward yes. Uncomfortable yes.

But my rule generally is, when it's difficult and complicated, just tell the truth and let the cards fall as they may.

Good luck op x I'm here for you if you need it x

Ididnttell · 14/02/2018 12:10

I wouldn't tell him.
You can tell him later.

The same thing happened to me when I was 19 and 3 months into a relationship (pill failure I think). We split up after a year and I never told him. He was away for the week in NY when I had the termination. I had a friend take me and stay with me for a couple of days.

I thought he didn't know but we're still friends 10 years later - both have partners - but are part of the same friend group.

A couple of years ago we were at a dinner party and all talking about abortion.
After supper, he came out onto the balcony with me and asked me outright if I'd had an abortion when we were together that week he went to NY.

I said yes, he said that he thought I had.

He said that he'd thought about it at the time and was relieved when he realised I wasn't going to tell because he felt very responsible and would have felt the need to tell me that I didn't have to have a termination if I didn't want to even if he was in no way ready to consider children in his life.

He told me that he's been silently so proud of what a strong and independent young woman I was at that time, and that he really respected that (he is over 10 years older than me).

To resume I'd say, your body, your choice of what you do and who you tell.

If everything goes well with you and this guy, you have years to tell him. And if things fizzle out, you'll just have acted as the independent woman you are.

Take care of yourself.

Icepink39 · 14/02/2018 22:25

I found out recently that im pregnant but i havnt told my ex yet im keeping my baby tho but maybe u should tell him im going to tell my ex im meeting him friday xx

Angrybird345 · 15/02/2018 08:43

He doesn’t seem to be the one for you so I wouldn’t tell him. What is there to gain for either of you?

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