Sex pest husband

[cambodiaarrest]

My DH is a sex pest.
There's no intimacy in our relationship - I would love there to be. By that, I mean loving intimacy like cuddles and affection.
He gropes me and wants to talk about sex in front of the kids. (9, 7 & 1).
This morning a text msg from him at the gym. (Yep he's at the gym (pissing about in Costa first) while I'm sat at home running round after the kids.)
DH: What shall we do today?
Me: The weather looks alright, we could have a drive out somewhere?
DH: Sounds pretty boring. Put your knee length boots on to add some excitement

Then a conversation follows about how I'm a damp flannel and how it is so demoralising being with me.
I actually think it is so demoralising being with him. Every interaction is a sexual innuendo - any clothing I do or do not wear is commented on. If I'm changing & he walks in I'm waiting for my arse to be grabbed. If I put a pair of heels on there's an OTT remark.
If I don't respond (sometimes I do) I'm a damp flannel.
We've talked it over & over.
We love each other very much but this is our stumbling block.
We are such the cliche.

Apologies I just needed a rant.

Oh god that sounds tedious. I've known men like this. It gets boring fast. I couldn't be in a relationship with one!

Does he see you as your own person do you think or just a conduit for his orgasms?

Suggest he wears some item that someone you like has and tell him to pretend he is him all day. Bloody idiot.

no advice sorry but watching with interest. my dp can be a bit like that and most of the time I just find it annoying and a turn off. we do have a little intimacy though, lots of cuddle but no spontaneous kissing, a peck to say hello or goodbye but that's it.

God I couldn't be with a man like that. Good on you or putting up with him tho so your kids get to see how to treat any daughter in laws in the future.

And don't be moaning in 10 years when the police land on your doorstep because of said kids going too far and end up doing to a woman what they've seen done to you. Kids shouldn't be exposed to stuff like that, it isn't bloody normal.

You're worth more. And in 2018 with the sort of support available now there's no excuse to stay and put them and yourselves through it.

He talks about sex infront of your kids?

He does this in front of your children? Your 9 yo will be aware and think this is normal behaviour. Your younger ones will also be starting to think this behaviour is ok. Would you like your child to act like your DH or be treated like a mere sex object. LTB and protect your children.

He doesn't sound like he loves you at all. He treats you like a sex object...you could be anyone with a vagina for a bloke with that mindset

Taking about sex in front of children is sexually abusing them...did you realise this ?

Sounds tedious for you op. Has he always been this way?

I thought it sounded abusive to talk about sex around kids in that way but didn't want to seem like I was being OTT. But it's the part that bothered me the most.

He talks about sex in front of the kids and gropes you in front of them. If social services find out about this you flopping about like Olive Oyl won t stop anything.

Woman up and get you kids away from that environment, I really have no time or sympathy for women who choose to keep their kids in these toxic environments whilst bleating about what victims they are

My first husband was like this. In the end his stupid behaviour killed any love I ever had for him. At the time I couldn’t see the wood for the trees and he made me feel that I was at fault.

From a distance I would say your DH is well out of order, especially wanting to talk about sex in front of your DC.

You need to address his behaviour and it needs to change, otherwise LTB.

Bloody hell lass. Tell him to grow up!

No intimacy, just being grabbed and commented on - it must be like being with an eternal teenage boy (stereotype I know!). And in front of the children. Really not sounding like a great catch.

Missed the groping in front of them aswell and your still with him because..?

Ugh

What is there to love about this behaviour? (Nothing)

I can imagine how he talks to other women he comes into contact with then (if everything is an innuendo)!

In front of your 9 yr old is truly awful.

Was he always like this?

This is what Fred West did.

I dated a guy like this. I actually got fed up of not wanting to be first walking up the stairs because I knew he would go in for a grope.

In fact he would take any opportunity to grope and he would make this horrible grunting sound at same time. I could be washing up, driving the car, going to bed was hideous. He just never quit!

It wasn’t even sexy or affectionate. He disgusted me and I ended up hating him. After six years told him it wasnt working and we should split. (We didn’t live together or have kids which made it easier)

After that I didn’t go near a man for about three years and I loved every minute of it

I don't think I've phrased my post very well. The talking about sex isn't a case of full x rated commentary in front of the kids it's more along the lines of 'phwoar you look good in that' or telling me I look so sexy in something. An example of groping is rubbing my bum while I'm putting baby in the car seat. It's not blatantly done so they can see but it's the fact he's doing it when they are around that sets me on edge.

The poster who said he is like a teenage boy is spot on. He just seems so immature despite being 40.
It is tedious and I have zero tolerance when I'm tired or trying to get something done.

Oh god. I would resent him & dread walking past him. Dread getting out of the shower in case he has crept upstairs.

I actually would wonder if he's eyeing up women in the gym, for him to be 'sexting' you at the same time something has got him thinking about it.

This is not right, he sounds like a pest with only his own interests at heart, men like him always put themselves first and rarely have any empathy for anyone else. You are not an object and probably if he treat you with more consideration you'd be more likely to participate in sex with him willingly!
I think some men think that being married or in a relationship its just their right to sex, they don't see that it's often hard for the woman, sorting out everyone else first and having no time to herself leaves precious little time for anything else, then it becomes another expectation, a chore. A serious talk with him is needed.

I totally sympathise! My DP can also be like this. We have a 16 month old and a 2.9 year old and I'm currently SAHM.

Every weekend it's the same, constant innuendo, constant referencing about when the children go to bed etc etc. When our children eventually go to bed about 9.30pm, in his mind that means it's time to strip off and quite frankly have the kind of session we would've had before we had children. I can't be bothered. I'm knackered. I want to make a cup of tea, grab the chocolate, sit down and watch a film :)

It does get really really tedious having to justify why you don't want to spend the little childfree time you have having sex!

Well, you either endure it forever or you leave. He is not likely to change is he, and if he does he will hold it over you forever.

A friend's DH is similar. I could not live like that. It sounds utterly degrading.

And the worst aspect is the whole in front of the children thing. Utterly gross.

I could not love a man like that. What's to love?

Don’t kid yourself, OP. Your oldest will be very aware of what’s going on, but not feel that he/she can say anything. He sounds like a creepy perve, if he’s touching your arse while your dealing with your children. Yuck.

I think your back tracking abit now that people are horrified he talks about sex infront of the kids. Saying you look good isn't talking about sex but like I said think your back tracking.