Sex pest husband

[cambodiaarrest]

My DH is a sex pest.
There's no intimacy in our relationship - I would love there to be. By that, I mean loving intimacy like cuddles and affection.
He gropes me and wants to talk about sex in front of the kids. (9, 7 & 1).
This morning a text msg from him at the gym. (Yep he's at the gym (pissing about in Costa first) while I'm sat at home running round after the kids.)
DH: What shall we do today?
Me: The weather looks alright, we could have a drive out somewhere?
DH: Sounds pretty boring. Put your knee length boots on to add some excitement

Then a conversation follows about how I'm a damp flannel and how it is so demoralising being with me.
I actually think it is so demoralising being with him. Every interaction is a sexual innuendo - any clothing I do or do not wear is commented on. If I'm changing & he walks in I'm waiting for my arse to be grabbed. If I put a pair of heels on there's an OTT remark.
If I don't respond (sometimes I do) I'm a damp flannel.
We've talked it over & over.
We love each other very much but this is our stumbling block.
We are such the cliche.

Apologies I just needed a rant.

Even if you are downplaying it, a 9 year old does not want to hear their father telling their mother, phwoar you’re sexy.

@Dancingfairy
I was trying to give the posters who suggested I was married to Fred West or that social services were ready to whip my kids away some context.

Are your children visually impaired ?

It's not right. You are not an object. How often do you feel you can say no to these "advances" ? Does he sulk and create bad atmospheres if you don't put out ?

Your children are learning bad lessons here, and I wonder what happened to you in your childhood that you have stayed and had children with a man like this

A relationship needs to have a balance, men often feel loved through physical sexual contact, women often through hugs and cuddles. Are you having sex regularly? If you are, there's no cuddles and hugs and he's still doing this then I'd say he's a sex pest and he doesn't love you. But if you're not having regular sex then you both need to reconnect. In normal relationships you don't get sex without hugs and cuddles or the other way round. If you're not physically connecting in non-sexual ways you are not likely to have the desire or feel the love enough to have sexual contact, if you're not having sexual contact he will feel undesired and possibly unloved.

He needs to reconnect with you emotionally. If he wants to fix this he'll listen to you, just ask if you can reconnect physically with love and hugs and but not sexually and let the sexual side progress naturally and most importantly privately! He's not listening to you, if he can't do that, or if you are actually having a normal and regular sex life then future is not bright I'm afraid.

Oh god that sounds awful. It doesn't sound as though he respects you to be honest. My friends dh was like this, everything was a sexual innuendo and he would flirt massively with all her friends. It was cringe worthy. There is a big difference between your husband desiring you and objectifying you and it sounds like he is doing the latter.

Your kids are of an age where they will definitely pick up on this and will learn some awful habits and ideas about respect. I think you need to have a very serious conversation about this with him. Him telling you that you're a damp flannel because you don't fancy in engaging in sexy texts whilst you're running around like a blue arsed fly and he kicks back in costa is really shitty of him. I wouldn't want to be married to a man like that.

If this is how he chooses to treat his wife and the mother of his children, he shouldn't be married.
You deserve so much more than this in a partner.

A quote from my Nan.

“Well fed people, don’t talk about food”

A quote from my Nan.

“Well fed people, don’t talk about food”

Jesus - are you saying she should let him grope and have sex with her just to shut him up?

Your point is, Mumsy ?

This isn't right OP, for you or the children. The children shouldn't have to listen to any of that, I agree, it is abuse. Have you ever considered leaving him because I think that's what needs to happen. ASAP.
This ISN'T love.

If I understand your point mumsy, and I do, that is one of the worst things I have read in this site for a long time. Disgusting.

Why is he at the gym on a Sunday morning when you have your children to look after?
Sounds like there are a few issues with this man .
Him being a sexpest isthe main one .

God, there's always one isn't there?

So he thinks a day out with his kids is boring and should be enlivened by you wearing sexy boots? He sounds delightful.

Yuk, he sounds disgusting. I would not put up with this.

I agree he needs to tone it down hugely-the constant innuendo and groping is too much.
But a husband calling his wife sexy in front of his kids is not abuse.

OK, so everyone is branding this guy as a horrendous sex pest....and he may well be!... but we don´t all have the full story so before the kangaroo court hangs draws and quarters him, perhaps we need to know what his motivations are.....if he has ALWAYS treated her this way, well then yes, he´s an oversexed immature jerk. But if this is something that´s started recently, it could well be the guy´s misguided (VERY...and yes he SHOULD know better but many guys don´t!) attempt at reconnecting and trying to encourage more sex in the relationship. A lot of us treat others the way we would want to be treated. There are plenty of men who would feel very happy if their wives squeezed their ass in passing, commented on them being hot, etc etc. (esp as they hit 40 and have wobbly bits for the first time) Possibly he THINKS that he will make her feel sexy and wanted and get her turned on by making her aware that he fancies her. This is just a thought, OK, I in no way condone this behaviour, but perhaps we need to understand more about the situation.
How clear has she made it to him that she finds it unacceptable? I know plenty of men who are incredibly thick (skinned) and need these things spelled out in words of one syllable before they realise they are being arses!

I couldn't live with someone like this. He sees you as an appliance for his sexual gratification.

'A quote from my Nan.

“Well fed people, don’t talk about food”'

BULLSHIT. I'm well fed. I live to eat and talk about food all the time. Just don't expect people to provide it for me because I'm not an entitled, pestering twat like this OP's husband.

So he regularly sexually assaults you and insults you if you’re not happy about it? Yeah, that really sounds like he loves you

Why are you and he still together at all now?. What do you get out of this relationship still?.

What do you think your children are learning from the two of you about relationships?.

Space, the OP wrote, 'We've talked it over & over.' He knows she doesn't find the constant innuendo (she says it's constant) and groping attractive. He doesn't care! It suits him so that's what goes.

But a husband calling his wife sexy in front of his kids is not abuse. He's talking about sex in front of them, not calling her sexy. I'm sure the kids wouldn't want to be listening to that either.

What a load bollocks that ‘saying’ is. I talk about what I fancy for dinner while I’m eating lunch!

wow i was worried for a minute.
My dh is very much like ur dh in so much as groping, smacking my ass etc and he will say things on the phone like I'm almost home, get naked BUT a) I like it, (and I have done it 2 him as well. b) there is intimacy like cuddles, a quick peck etc. c) He would never do it if he thought our kids were about. eg I asked him the other day if I looked ok and he said yes in front of our 4yo but lent in & whispered "sexy as fuck".

Your dh is bang out of order doing it front of your kids no matter what he's doing or even if its 'mild'. And to do something distracting while u are putting car seat in car is fucking dangerous! At 9 years old your eldest is 100% aware of wots going on unless uve raised them to be completely unaware (which considering they way or dh carries on is pretty much impossible)My DH got caught once we were messing about in the kitchen (only snogging and groping) and my then 8yo snuck in and Shouted "daddy, mummy isn't a peice of meat". I went flying across that kitchen quick as a flash and my dh was devastated. He actually took our son into the garden to play ball and had 'a little man chat' (I have no idea wot these 'man chats are about and I don't think I want to know cos something was muttered about chocolate spread) but my point is if ur dh isn't at least horrified wen he realises he's said or done something then he doesn't give a shit and u need to leave as fast as u can!!
x