Husband keeps waking me up in the morning

[Anya2012]

My husband has to get to work at 7.30am and he therefore is usually up before me for at least an hour, on some days he goes to the gym ( which is great) but wakes up at 5.30am. I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant and I’ve been really tired most of this pregnancy ( it’s my first) so we both go to bed about 10 pm, but he wakes earlier to leave. Now last two weeks I’ve been getting really horrific migraines and I can’t really take very much.
I think not having enough sleep( I wake up to pee and by his snoring several times per night ) and now every morning he wakes up showers comes back opening and closing doors, sprays deodrant( which is the worst bc of my headache problem and my heightened sense of smell) and then I’m wide awake an hour before I need to get up. But now he’s getting up early at the weekends too so Saturday and Sunday I’m awake at 6.30 am . Is this happening to anyone else ?

Have you asked him to put the stuff he needs in another room/bathroom so he doesn’t need to come back in?

You need to tell him to be quieter. Can’t he spray deodorant downstairs / in another room?

Why is he spraying deodorant in the bedroom and not the bathroom?

Explain to him that you need more sleep and he needs to move his stuff out of the bedroom the evening before so that he doesn't wake you.

You are not being unreasonable!!

Have you actually had a discussion with him and told him to stop being a selfish arsehole?
Why can't he get his clothes ready the night before, leave them in another room and put deodorant on the bloody bathroom?
Not rocket science.

Ive told him so many times , I end up sounding like a broken record. Sometimes he does put his stuff in the lounge but these days he’s had a rant about how it’s because of the way we’re living ( it’s a one bedroom flat, we’re looking to buy something bigger but haven’t found anything yet ) but there’s a huge lounge he can get dressed in.

Also he then snaps back and says ‘ fine I’ll sleep in the lounge , and then this makes me feel bad

Don't feel bad, let him sleep in the lounge! Also, put all his clothes in there, and his nasty deoderant.

You're growing a human, he needs to show some fecking consideration.

Is there any where else in the house that he could sleep (spare room maybe) just until you catch up on your sleep and stop feeling so rough?

Forgot to add, my friend is always tired but her DH takes great delight in asking her up at 05:00 when he gets up for work.

I would tell him to piss up but the mug that she is, she gets up and makes his breakfast, tea and his sandwiches.

I know, sad isn't It?

Rather than him moaning, he should get help for his snoring.

Next time he offers to sleep in the lounge tell him yes that would ne helpful,

You need to be very firm about this. You are pregnant, you have terrible migraines, you need more sleep.

My stbx used to do the whole "fine, I'll sleep in the lounge" type of passive aggressive response, and I'd feel terribly guilty and beg him not to (and totally inconvenience myself in the process). I now know that the correct response is to just say "Oh, that's great - thanks!" with a smile.

Don't worry, he won't stay there long!

One bed flat so only the lounge , but I’m not going to sleep in the lounge/ he should do that!

I feel your pain! My dp is up early to get ready for work, most mornings leaving after 5. He sets his alarm but then hits snooze😠😠
Then at night sometimes I will go on up as tired, as you are when pg. Then he comes home and he is like a herd of elephants. Comes into bedroom still with shoes on, no effort to be quieter and leaves door open letting landing light in. It's really inconsiderate.
I did lose the head and shout one morning and he replies with 'why didn't you say something?' He's been much better since.
He would never dare ask me up to make his breakfast etc.

My husband gets up at half 5 on weekdays when me and the kids don't need to be up until 7. He's not allowed to turn any lights on upstairs and must wash himself, brush teeth in the downstairs bathroom. And get dressed too. It used to wake me up but I'm now too tired 💤 it may be because it's a flat though I imagine that's a bit noisier. Nap while you can in the day /weekends xx

@Anya2012

Hmmm, your DP is blackmailing you. Put up or shut up. He simply doesn't care does he. How does this make you feel? I wouldn't put up with this shit.

You’ve told him it’s disturbing you but in my experience that’s not usually very effective.

I’ve learnt that we need to talk through together what can be done differently (although I usually have those ideas already but it’s more effective if dh thinks of them). Then we come up with a strategy together that he’s more likely to remember.

Against the consensus, you go to bed at 10pm

A 7:30am wake up is 9.5 hours sleep.
A 5:30am wake up is 7.5 hours sleep.

How much do you need?

12 hours?

@Anya2012

Re migraines, have you had any blood done lately? I suffer migraines and sometimes they worsen due to low B12/folate/iron levels. I'd get a copy of your blood results, have a look yourself and If you're concerned, have a word with your GP.

Cambionome - yes you’re right I should just say - fine then go sleep in the lounge.

Listen- if you are struggling with buying a flat invest in a decent sofa bed. When the baby comes there will be times that you need to split to sleep, otherwise you'll just go mad trying to keep baby quiet whilst he's sleeping or when you seriously need a break from baby!

@newyearnikki I got to bed at 10 but prob takes me about an hour to get to sleep and then do end up waking up to go the toilet. Normally when not pregnant i sleep 7hours ish but ive def been needing more. I have a reakly stressful job, no time to pee , eat while you work so im exhausted when i get home.

Yes my iron has been low and ive been taking iron tablets.

But last night we went out as its the weekend so we went to bed at midnight , i fell asleep prob about 1am and hes woken me at 7

My DW gets up at 5/5:30 twice a week to go swimming. Every single time she does so, she gets her stuff ready the night before and puts it all in a different room to get ready. And when I say "puts it all in a different room", I mean everything including toiletries.

It's all about being considerate. I make sure I do the same on the limited occasions I have get out early.

And yes, invest in a top end sofa bed. Will be very well used

Honestly, make him sit up and listen. He needs to get all of his things organised the night before so that he can quietly get out of bed, close the door behind him and leave you undisturbed. He's being a selfish dick and it will only escalate once the baby arrives if he doesn't know how to think about other people's needs.

My Dh is an early waker. He’ll get up at 5.30 most days whether he needs to or not. (Weirdo )

But because he’s not a selfish idiot he always gets anything he will need out of the bedroom, the night before.

How can anyone be so selfish that they don’t care about waking their tired, migraine suffering, pregnant wife?. It’s just shocking that anyone would behave like that!

I used to get up at 5am for work. I wouldn’t even wee in the upstairs toilet. Everything would be laid out in the dining room with bags packed by the door so I didn’t wake anyone. Have him do that. Also if you don’t have other children to listen out for then wear ear plugs too. I would also realistically expect he’s going to need to trim his gym going routine soon to fit with family life, maybe starting to go only a few days a week and those nights sleep in the lounge.

On the iron issue, iron tablets are hard to absorb and can take up to six months to restore your iron levels. Try spatone or floradix. The iron available in those is more available to your body and will raise the level much faster.