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Original poster

Anyone ever shagged anyone out of spite?

80 replies

SwanVests · 08/02/2018 20:06

I’m considering it. I do actually quite fancy having sex with him but I’m not sure if that’s because I deeply enjoy the thought of his entire life crumbling around him as a result. He’s married obviously but he thoroughly, thoroughly deserves some kind of comeuppance. This is the only way I can think of him getting it.

OP posts:

LittleFeileFooFoo · 08/02/2018 23:06

Use the Adele approach: use your anger to write a best-selling novel all about what he did to you and include some therapeutic revenge, make millions; he gets to look like a jackass when he tries to take credit.

tafftum · 08/02/2018 23:11

Sorry op, but no. You're better off cutting him out of your life completely.
His poor wife is who you need to think of, it would devastate her and the poor woman doesn't deserve that!
I'm sorry for what he did to you, it's horrific but the way you want to go about things is a terrible idea!

WingsofNylon · 08/02/2018 23:11

OP, you have been through a terribly traumatic experience and to make matters worse you were not believed. It must have been horrific to have the event then the lack of justice happen. Anger, hate, disgust, these are all reasonable feeling for you to be having. And imagining doing this to him is probably very cathartic but PLEASE do not act any of it out. For your sake, not for his. You would likely feel very awful and it would only serve to support his and other people's view.

Him contacting you is his way of still holding some control over you. I understand how fucked up it feels. I had the same. The man who abused me would try to contact me every couple of years. At first I would respond a little as I thought I might get an apology or he might say something I could use as evidence but I soon realised it made me feel awful. It was just his way of waking out a bit more power, whilst in an odd way clearing his conscience. Like others have said, he will see it as a way of wiping out the rape. He was fucking vile. It would come out of the blue, often when I felt I was making steps towards recovery. The hurt and rage of feel was huge but the best thing I ever did was block him on every channel possible and change my contact details as much as was possible. And tell the police that I'd done so. I also cut what little ties I had with anyone still connected with him. I built a life that was as separate as possible.

I still struggle a lot but I've reached a stage where the anger isn't there because I don't need it to be.

You are worthy, even if you don't feel it right now.

Lucymek · 08/02/2018 23:14

Does he know it's you ?

In the sun yesterday a woman claimed she had sex with her previous abuser and it made her feel she reclaimed power. I think that idea is totally bonkers but I've never being in that position so I don't know.

Maybe just coming face to face may help you ?

Withhindsight · 08/02/2018 23:16

wooah- stop! No one is going to believe you were raped by him by you willingly go sleeping with him - after you reported him to the police, they will think you are crazy woman!
Calm down, think about it- you will loathe yourself afterwards- what are you trying to achieve, then a way of doing it without hurting yourself
Tape a conversation, text him. You have to get some help in RL on this as your plan to sleep with him is going to completely undermine both your credibility and possibly more importantly your mental health

ferando81 · 09/02/2018 01:02

This is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life.
OJ Simpson got away with two murders but tripped himself up in the end -they nearly always do .
There must be some group that has similar women that have been through what you have .If there isn't then start one yourself.

Greensleeves · 09/02/2018 01:04

This is self-harm

You are traumatised, and with good cause. Please stay far, far away from this man and get yourself some RL support

Weezol · 09/02/2018 01:12

WingsofNylon is right. I strongly suggest you refer yourself back to counselling via Rape Crisis or Women's Aid.

I only have experience of Rape Crisis but found their approach worked well for me.

I totally understand you wanting to take back control and wanting to destroy his life, but it will not play out like that. Instead he'll become the 'victim' and you'll be in the dock. Trust me, I've played out some interesting scenarios in my head over the years. Rape Crisis helped me take my power back and get him out of my head.

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats · 09/02/2018 03:14

Surely the police would be interested in talking to a man you have previously accused of rape, but who was cleared, if he is texting you to have sex with him.

Wouldn’t they, or any other intelligent person, expect him to avoid you like the plague given the trouble you will have caused with your allegation? Would the police be suspicious if they saw these texts?
This is about control - they should take it seriously.

You know two wrongs do not make a right. He sounds like a shit bag and I can understand you anger, but don’t allow what he did to control your future. He will get his just desserts...somewhere, sometime.

Can you follow the ‘best revenge is a life well lived’ approach?

Isetan · 09/02/2018 12:16

But I still hate him more than I hate myself.

If you’re really contemplating sleeping with your rapist then no, you really hate yourself more.

Think about it, you can already prove he’s been propositioning you, knowingly putting yourself through an experience that would have all kinds of triggers to an earlier trauma, is self destructive. What would happen to your MH if it didn’t have the ‘world crumbling’ effect you want it to have, what then? The only thing this hair brained plan would achieve is to undermine your rape, how seriously would people take a woman voluntarily sleeping with the man she accused earlier of rape? Not very.

Given this man’s behaviour, he is already in the process of making the rope that he will eventually be hung from.

roastpotato87 · 09/02/2018 13:00

im sorry but i cant understand why you'd fathom the idea of having sex with someone that raped you. this is a bad bad bad bad idea. you are going to cause yourself more pain and heartache and emotional grief. please dont do this.

springchickenn · 09/02/2018 13:43

If you want revenge on a cluster B then perhaps you should read Revenge by H G Tudor. He's a narc himself and a complete literary (evil) genius imo. I think by the time you're through reading that, you'll decide it's not worth it but nevertheless an entirely satisfying read.

Needsleepnow87 · 09/02/2018 13:47

Are you sure he’s actually wanting to shag you or just messing with you to piss you off even more?

Why get involved in this? Block him. Get some couselling. Move on.

Maybe sent the texts to his wife/girlfriend but seriously, move on with your life.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 09/02/2018 14:18

You need to delete the message & block this cunt.
You are far too vulnerable for this to work out the way you want it to. If you have sex with him he gets what he wants & you will end up more fucked up than ever.
Just leave it, you know the truth.
Please seek further help

ZestyMaximus · 09/02/2018 15:53

How does having depression mean you are incapable of being raped?!!!

PoisonousSmurf · 09/02/2018 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/02/2018 16:07

zesty obviously OP doesn’t think that, it’s just been used to discredit her account of the incident due to ‘mental instability’ I would imagine.

Defence lawyers are not often held back by decency or morality..

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/02/2018 16:08

That’s helpful poisonous - given she’s already been told that and been disbelieved on those grounds.

OP you are not thinking straight right now, that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you at all. You have suffered trauma. You need to delete and block this guy and try and access some counselling for yourself.

ZestyMaximus · 09/02/2018 16:55

Sorry, no, obviously not. I didn't mean to imply that the op thought that, just wondered how on earth the law allowed the 'logic' of if you have depression, you're incapable of being raped, and therefore there will be no trial. I realise now that that's just the way of the wording from the op's post that it sounded like that, not actually the law's stance.

I'm so sorry you're in this position op. Having gone through the trauma of the rape in the first place, then not getting the justice you deserve and then being contacted by the rapist like this.

Something very similar happened to my friend's sister. Please don't choose to have sex with him. At best he'll feel vindicated and you'll feel utterly awful. At worst he'll use it to 'prove' his innocence by videoing it and showing how willing you were during it or similar.

Lizzie48 · 09/02/2018 17:09

How horrible, OP. You really need to access some help to deal with the trauma of the rape and then not being believed. Rape Crisis is excellent, you can either go to one of their centres or just call their helpline. I found that a great source of support when dealing with the historic SA I went through.

You won't always get an answer, the phones are manned by volunteers, but you will always get a call back.

But please don't try to get revenge by having sex with him. You will be the one who is hurt by it, not him.

BLUESEAPARADISE · 09/02/2018 17:10

Cockmagic · 09/02/2018 17:13

Please don't do it op.

I'm so sorry he raped you.

Have you gone to the police?

stardust18 · 09/02/2018 19:07

Please don't do it. Maybe now you think you can but when it comes to the crunch you might not want too.
It's a horrible thing that happened. Block him and don't give it anymore thought.

Tyrianstoe · 09/02/2018 19:26

I kind of understand this. I was raped when I was 11 and I sometimes think about revenge (not sleeping with me abuser but more violent in fact, I want to murder him) I want to reclaim the power.

But then I realise I'd make lots of other people suffer if I took that approach. Not just me and him. And I don't want to be in the business of wrecking lives. Keep talking to us instead OP.

roseannaleeXo · 09/02/2018 19:29

That is just plain ridiculous some one that drugged and raped you ? & you want to have sex with them again to destroy there life I think you need support of some kind Under mental health? Please don't do that. Because one it make your case or whatever if you took him to court to get him prosecuted makes you look like a fraud.

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