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Original poster

Anyone ever shagged anyone out of spite?

80 replies

SwanVests · 08/02/2018 20:06

I’m considering it. I do actually quite fancy having sex with him but I’m not sure if that’s because I deeply enjoy the thought of his entire life crumbling around him as a result. He’s married obviously but he thoroughly, thoroughly deserves some kind of comeuppance. This is the only way I can think of him getting it.

OP posts:

Huntinginthedark · 08/02/2018 20:40

SORry missed your update

You know you’re not a crazy fantastic. Other people know you’re not a crazy fantasist.

No revenge you try to exact on him will work for you. Trust me.

Confused24 · 08/02/2018 21:04

Scenario 1: you sleep with him, his wife finds out and leaves. Your left feeling like crap because you sold yourself for the cheap price of watching someone else’s misery (not his. His wife’s)

Scenario 2: you sleep with him, the wife sticks by him. Your left feeling like crap because you sold yourself for the want of watching misery but not finding it

Scenario 3: you take back control of the situation by blocking him, deleting everything to do with him and live your life without him

Scenario 3 sounds far more appealing don’t you think? It sounds like your seeking control over him as he has exerted over you but the only way you can get that is to reject him and remove him from your life. Don’t let him ruin another second of it. It’s hard to walk away from an abuser but you have so much freedom to gain. You have nothing to prove to him or anyone else. You know what he is and what he is done so hold your head high and walk far far away from him

babycow38 · 08/02/2018 21:14

I can't imagine in any universe where I would want to be in the same room as someone who raped me never mind what you are contemplating OP. Can you get some help dealing with your past.

GuinefortGrey · 08/02/2018 21:20

Has he admitted or made reference to what happened when you were a teen in his messages to you? I am just wondering if there could be new evidence in the messages that the police might be interested in in relation to the historic offence.
I do totally understand if you cannot face going down that route again though. Sleeping with him would be the worst thing you could do

user1471453253 · 08/02/2018 21:30

Whenever I get all-but overwhelming urges towards vengeance/payback (and I do, believe me), I always (try to) come back to SuperNanny: "Don't reward bad behaviour with attention." It's an amazingly effective mantra for retaining/regaining power/control with (supposed) adults, too, in all kinds of situations Pay forward instead: you'll be the winner.

SendintheArdwolves · 08/02/2018 21:32

If you voluntarily sleep with him, then won't it make people less likely to believe that he raped you?

For anyone who believes his lies, you deciding to have sex with him will simply confirm his "she wanted sex and then cried rape because she wanted to ruin my life" or "she's obsessed with me and won't leave me alone" story.

I totally understand that you want revenge. But not like this. You need a better plan.

Estellanpip · 08/02/2018 21:35

This won't play out the way you think it will. Please save yourself the pain.

DayKay · 08/02/2018 21:36

I can totally understand the fantasy of making him pay but please don’t consider doing this. Sleeping with him will end up hurting you more and him, likely, getting what he wants.
Block him and go speak to someone who can help you deal with this.

AskBasil · 08/02/2018 21:43

Sendingtheardwolves is right, sleeping with him will confirm to other people that he didn't really rape you.

More importantly, it will also confirm to him that he didn't really rape you. Most rapists don't think of themselves as rapists. What he's trying to do here, is get you into bed voluntarily because he thinks it will wipe out the rape. You will be validating his view of himself as Not A Rapist if you shag him.

Don't do it, it's playing into his hands.

category12 · 08/02/2018 21:47

Your best course is to tell him to leave you alone, to block him everywhere and if he continues to try to message you, think about getting the authorities involved to stop him harassing you.

You could also expose his messages.

You would only harm yourself by having sex with him.

SonicVersusGynaephobia · 08/02/2018 21:54

OP.

Men like him will never get their comeuppance. Don't risk your mental health trying to make it happen.

Lunettesloupes · 08/02/2018 21:56

No - it’s a terrible idea and the one who would get most hurt is you. Get therapy instead

QuiteLikely5 · 08/02/2018 22:10

Screenshot them and send them to his wife

SunshineHQ · 08/02/2018 22:23

OK, I would do the following. Ignore message, but log it with police, and ditto log any further messages. The message will either be a one off (in which case you will calm down and get over it), or the start of something weird and more persistent. If the latter, have the evidence from Day One recorded to pursue a Harrassment complaint.

Does his current wife know about the (in her view) alleged incident.

You want to look incredibly sane about this (and NB depression doesn't mean you can't also be completely sane and not overreacting). I'd possibly also get some help from Victim Support, as they might help prevent Harassment.

I can't imagine putting my feelings aside and managing to sleep with someone who had done this.

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 08/02/2018 22:27

OP, I'd go to the Police with these messages. Don't go anywhere near him; he's scum and you would only be allowing him to hurt you further. Please seek some counselling to try and begin to heal from what he has done to you.

RazzleDazz1e · 08/02/2018 22:28

Save the messages and log with the police. Then block him.

WildWindsBlowing · 08/02/2018 22:47

I am very sorry for what happened to you but please keep yourself free: stay away from this man

What you are suggesting is a symptom of you trying to gain a mixture of control and closure, but it won't work. You would not be freeing yourself at all.

Would you consider ringing rape crisis to talk to someone about your feelings? What you are suggesting is alike a form of self-hate and self- negation.

WildWindsBlowing · 08/02/2018 22:51

Don't do it, it's playing into his hands. This, as Basil said.

Call a rape counsellor for help.
It would also be a typical way on your part as a survivor to try to minimise what he did to make it be as though it had all been your choice. It's complicated so please get the help you need.

Mom2K · 08/02/2018 22:52

The thing is though, choosing to have revenge sex rather than staying far FAR away from this man who previously raped you does make it seem as though you are a crazy fantasist. I'm not saying that you are, but do see how he could use this to his advantage? I.e: "See? I never raped her, she wants it, she came back for more."

You'd just be giving him further ammo to use against you. You also would be giving him exactly what he wants. He wants sex with you and doesn't care about potential consequences. So you giving him exactly that, I don't see how this is going to help you in any way.

As you pointed out - his admittal to wanting sex via text would be more than enough to cook him if you decided to pursue revenge, so there is something more going on here emotionally for you than that. You should be keeping your distance from him. Anything else is just going to hurt you and do nothing to him

RidingWindhorses · 08/02/2018 22:53

I was going to say what sendintheardwolves said.

RidingWindhorses · 08/02/2018 22:54

Have you confronted him about the rape via text?

Lunettesloupes · 08/02/2018 22:57

I think you need to ask yourself why you are considering having sex with the rapist and how this could possibly constitute revenge. This is not healthy for you - as others have said, arrange to see a therapist.

fuzzywuzzy · 08/02/2018 22:59

Tell him to leave you alone that he raped you and is now stalking you and if he doesn’t you will go to the police about his stalking behaviour.

Do not have sex with him as revenge, he’ll come out of it going see she’s always been obsessed with me she’s crazy and you will feel bad.

Have you had counselling, may be worth calling rape crisis.

Please don’t put yourself in such a position.

Jellyheadbang · 08/02/2018 23:01

OMg you’re way too vulnerable for this. It’s fantasy. You won’t fuck his life, peoples minds don’t work like that you’ll just end up looking like you have serious issues.
If I were you I’d make a big case to your gp or anxiety and depression service for trauma therapist for what is possibly post traumatic stress.sort yourself out and forget him don’t fuck him. If he’s a rapist why would you lower yourself to have sex with him consciously?
Please don’t do this thing. I spent many years being damaged and abused by men due to my own vulnerability and lack of boundaries, they don’t learn any lessons and have no conscience, no empathy and no compassion. Whatever you do will be like water off a ducks back.if you fuck his marriage he’ll find another one. If the law didn’t work then Nothing you do can bring him down.
You need help and therapy to get over this , don’t let this destroy your life and rob you of your well deserved happiness.

Jellyheadbang · 08/02/2018 23:02

Sorry missed the part re text messages. If they really are one sided and all from him that might be enough to take to the police and accuse him of harrasment.
Having a bad day and not read all the posts.
Please don’t have sex with this man!

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