This anxiety is killing me!

[MozzchopsThirty]

So before Xmas I was hooked on by a lovebomber
It lasted 4 weeks and totally shook my confidence

I met a guy in January OLD, we've had 4 dates, had great sex, everything fine, then we had a few cross words about sex last night and he said he was annoyed and refused to answer my phonecall to explain

And today he hasn't messaged once

I feel sick, I've barely eaten, I'm so anxious that it's happening all over again

Please be kind, I'm feeling so low

Hope you are ok, OP. I think this particular chap is probably a dick, regardless of his good points. I know it hurts, especially given the context, but you deserve better.

He was annoyed because he thought I couldn't remember something from the sex on Saturday

And now he is stonewalling you??

Love, you're feeling shit because he is behaving like your ex did, and it's giving you flashbacks, understandably it's making you sick with anxiety!

Honestly, I think you're feeling your body going to bits in the knowledge that you came so close to more pain... don't let this person into your life. He is not treating you well, he's showing you who he is x

Thank you for those last few posts, you've made me cry
God I feel hideous!

I just want to wake up feeling more like me again

Mozzy I didn't mean to make you cry. I am sure this particular guy has lots of good points. But there will be others who have the same good points and far more besides. I say this from a position of hope and hurt myself...

PS You will feel like you again. But it will take time. I say this from a fog of gin and ADs. But you are in a better place than I am, and things will get better. Honestly.

Haha not much of a better place with my wine, ADs and a diazepam for bed

Exh could sulk for weeks and totally cut me out
I never want to go through that again*

Then don't. Be in control of your own destiny

So I finally got a message
I had felt much better today but now i just feel hideous again and am blaming myself / wondering what I did wrong

Tell him to do one

Maybe don't seem so desperate? Any man that wants to jump in bed after only a few dates is never going to be the 'one'. It shows they have ZERO respect for you and they like to leave you gasping after them.
That's not love.

He was annoyed because he thought I couldn't remember something from the sex on Saturday

Oh no, was he one of those arse holes that want you to tell them what you loved about them/the sex? Uugh. Deeply unattractive.

Honestly, I'd just reply with "Okay, no probs" AND LEAVE IT THERE. If he is this twattish 4 dates in, it was never going to end well. He should be on his absolute best behaviour at this point.

Sweetheart, you are worth way, way more than someone who has a little tantrum when their ego isn't rubbed just how they like it.

Have the wine, mourn the loss, wake up and realise what a twat he is and move on to someone who is worth your time and your love

Just message him back "yes, you're right, I've come to that conclusion myself."

If he can't speak to you after a minor disagreement about something so unimportant and sulks then ditches you he is not worth an ounce of your effort.

This is not because of you, and not because of anything you did or said. You're carrying a bit of baggage from your marriage, it sounds, and reverting back to feeling not worthy at the slightest thing. I was a bit like that at the end of my last relationship, getting upset at further online dating experiences that I now look back on as men that I really shouldn't have been upset over! Give yourself time, let your confidence and self worth grow.

‘Okay, no probs’ is the perfect response, then delete his number.

Only then can you really start rebuilding your self esteem.

You did nothing wrong. You aren't compatible, that's all. You were pretty intimate with this bloke over a short space of time so it's hurts a lot more when it goes belly up. He was also an arse to you. I guess he's right about the trust and turbulence. He'll probably finds that follows him through all relationships though (as it's him causing it!), whereas you can steer clear next time.

There's nothing to blame yourself about, just lessons to learn for next time about noticing red flags, and maybe moving a little slower to give time for problems to emerge before you're in too deep (so it hurts less).

You can't be compatible with everyone, there are so many facets to people that need to have at least rudimentary matching with another person in order to stand a chance in a relationship. Four weeks is still in the stage of finding all kinds of new things about each other, and they'll never all be good things. This one was a deal breaker.

Chin up, gather the positives that are things you will look for in a partner next time, and make a mental note of the red flags.

Ugh. You've dodged a bullet there, @MozzchopsThirty. He sounds like hard work, and you'd be constantly apologising when you have done nothing wrong. I wouldn't bother with a reply, I'd just delete and block his number/email/any social media, and look forward to meeting someone who ticks all the boxes next time.

But I don't seem to learn my lesson or trust my gut

When I met this guy on POF I thought he sounded like a bit of a prick and that he seemed like a player
Did I listen????
Noooooo

All I heard was the 'I can't believe I've pulled you' and 'where have you been' 🙄 and I hear it every time and I fucking believe it like some goldfish swimming round and round

I am totally blaming myself, blaming myself for reacting the way I did on the messages, having him in my home, having unprotected sex, believing what he told me, thinking I was 'the one', wondering if it's something I did, something I said, is there something wrong with my home?

I've blocked and deleted the number

You seriously need to work on your self op, look at the freedom programme, it might help.

I've done the freedom programme

And work with women in abusive situations 🤷🏼‍♀️
Shame I can't take my own advice!

It's never that easy to take your own advice. I've had a situation where I know what I need to do but that's my head. When it's your heart it's a lot harder. I've just realised it's about how I feel about myself though and I need to remember that as I think it will help to listen to my head and not heart.

I'm just gutted
But don't want to be

I'm exactly like you OP. Dated a guy for a few weeks, slept together then he was a dick and blocked me. Thing is we work together so can't avoid. I pinned after him for so long. Had a string of bad/abusive relationships. I'm now trying to not get in one but work on me.

Read "women who love too much" it opened my eyes to the patterns of my bad relationships. Hope you're ok i know how hear breaking it is

It's hard to listen to that advice when you're in the throes of a new relationship/flirtation, or when you're feeling low and a man says something nice about you. It's very common and not just you though. Driven by loneliness and a desire to be special to someone.

Take advantage of the 20/20 vision you have right now and make a tick of all the things that you know are bad signs, especially ones that you have weak spots for. If you come across ANY next time you meet a guy, dump and move on, no excuses. It may be easier if you have it in writing!