Am I being utterly materialistic? Or do I stick it out.

[frankie222]

Hi, any advice would be appreciated.

I found out around a year ago that DH was in credit card debt. Somewhere around £14,000. It's historical debt, stupidly built up from when he was single and going out. Not earning much, he's only been able to reduce it by a few thousand pounds and just making the minimum payments.

I was pretty shocked when I found out. He never mentioned he had any form of debt. When me and DH first met I stupidly had £5,000 debt from my early 20's. Too many holidays and too much shopping. But I paid mine off in a year as soon I met DH. He never admitted any of his debt to me while I was so open about mine.

Fast forward a year since I found out and given him plenty of chances to get another job or find a second income, he hasn't done a thing and buried his head in the sand once again. I was struggling so much with the betrayal, the lies, the pressure, that I ended up going to a therapist who said DH had taken my security blanket of money away from me hence my resentment towards him.

Which brings me to my issue. My wage and disposals income is now being used to help pay for the running of the house while any spare income DH has goes towards making the minimum payments on his cards. I guess the contribution is 65/35 (to me) in to our joint account.

But this isn't what I wanted. Not in life. Not for me. I wanted better. I wanted to travel, buy nice things, not have to worry about money, have children which we can't right now due to lack of money.

Am I being completely materialistic. DH will pay the debt off in 2,3 years ish. Do I stick it out or will I never get over the resentment or that my life didn't 'work out' the way I wanted?

Thanks @Ruddygreattiger2016 I feel slightly numb today. Not sure how/what to feel. DH has made a plan, with what seem like achievable targets. He's looking to get a part time/weekend job to help pay off some of the money. I'm quite conflicted, I don't want him burning himself out with 2 jobs and the pressure etc but at the same time he knows he needs to pay off the debt also as soon as he can.

He knows he has 6 months to achieve certain things and if he fails on the law things he's agreed on then it will be the end of us. Hopefully that's motivation enough for him.

Good advice re the getting out plan. I've kind of been thinking about that today, in all honesty I think I would just up and leave and leave everything to him as it currently stands. The house is in his name, mortgage also in his name as he bought it before I moved in. He would struggle financially if I moved out but if it got to that stage where I had to move out maybe I wouldn't care about his struggles anyway.

Who knew posting online could be so cathartic and helpful?!
Thank you all once again who've read and posted. It's really helped me to see things from many different points of view.

has he not put your name on the mortgage OP?

So how many years have you been paying towards a mortgage on a house which you don’t own OP?

Around 2 years...

DH is responsible for the mortgage as it leaves his bank account.

Is that bad? Have I screwed my self over already?

You're married, so you will have a claim on marital assets like the house whoever's name is on the mortgage.

You're married, so you will have a claim on marital assets like the house whoever's name is on the mortgage

Only for the period of the marriage though. So if they've only been married for 2 years, and he's had the property for 10 years, her claim won't be that great.

Op, would you consider and IVA for him? They are mostly successful and the whole debt would be repaid in 3 years. You tend to pay off about 10p for every £1 owed, the rest is written off and he would therefore be debt free. Very, very easy to do.

Huskylover: Yes, but that's fair enough surely, since he'd bought it before she moved in? She's paid towards it for 2 years, she'd have a claim matching that. I was just responding to her question about whether she was screwed over by not being named on the mortgage.

Taking an IVA affects your credit rating for 6 years. If he's able to pay back his debt and isn't getting into a deeper mess/isn't missing repayments, it may be better to do that.

Build yourself a fuck off fund. If you split and you find yourself with no savings for a new place because you paid off his debt for him, you will be kicking yourself for years and years. If you decide to stay then you've got a nice little pot to do something fun with.

@RunRabbitRunRabbit yes that sounds like a good idea. I'm going to start doing that. DH knows exactly how I feel so in 6 months time it won't be a massive shock to him if he hasn't done what he said.