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Original poster

Is it worth being in this relationship?

68 replies

MotherofDragons48 · 02/02/2018 21:11

Have been with OH for 5 years and have separate homes. He's very set in his ways but only works two days a week where as I am full time but I only see him at weekends. He comes over to my place mostly every week and keeps saying he's going to clean his place up so I can go there ( only been round a handful of times since we got together) . I cook for myself and my son during the week and usually freeze what's left over so OH to take it to work for lunch. This week however despite my having the week from hell I haven't seen him! He could have waited 30 mins after fininshing his shopping and given me a lift home from work but instead decided
to get home asap to avoid the traffic! To add insult to injury he didn't bother to ask if I needed anything! My son was in hospital last week and all I got was a one line message saying he was in the right place and sure the docs would sort it! I'm just not sure if he's actually that bothered and if I should continue investing in this relationship?

OP posts:
Primarkismyonlyoption · 02/02/2018 21:12

Brief response bur no not worth it. Hes a selfish nob. Leave and find someone proper. 30 mins to wait and he didnt? That shows how much youre worth to him.

WildWindsBlowing · 02/02/2018 21:13

Not worth it. He is in a world of his own where there is no place for you.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2018 21:39

End this sham of a relationship and find someone who actually WANTS to share his life with you. Seems to me the only thing he likes are all the free meals.

Original poster
MotherofDragons48 · 03/02/2018 07:32

I feel so cheated! I waited a year for my abusive, cheating ex to finally find another cash cow and move out and give me my life back. Now I suddenly wake up and this is happening Angry It's been a rough couple of weeks as my son suffered his first clonic seizure and frightened the life out of me. I thought I was going to lose him and I'm still terrified now. A friend suggested that I shouldn't be making important life decisions whilst in this state of mind but even after the best nights sleep I've had in weeks I still feel like tearing him a new one Sad

OP posts:
Hermonie2016 · 03/02/2018 08:16

There is no benefit to this relationship and he seems not to care for you.
That isn't a reflection on you however, more likely his inability to care for anyone but himself.I suspect he would be the same with anyone else.

His callous attitude whilst your son was in hospital shows he is never going to support you in a way you deserve.

Don't beat yourself up for having 2 failed relationships, I suspect you just need to reinforce boundaries and raise the bar.
When someone treats you badly or not in a kind loving way then you need to act as if its unacceptable.It will weed out the red flags or selfish partners earlier.

I bet the warning signs were there from the start but maybe you made excuses (I certainly did).It happens, often to kind emphatic people.

The longer you stay in this relationship the less chance you have of finding a decent partner.
Its fine to say "your unkindness over xyz, showed me you are not the partner I want or deserve so its over"

BeenthereandhavetheTshirt · 03/02/2018 08:19

Its not worth it and you know that . Concentrate on loving yourself and your son for now . Good luck OP X

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 03/02/2018 08:22

He sounds emotionally limited. I'd bin him.

jacobsgirl · 03/02/2018 08:24

I think especially if you have a son (not sure how old) but if he's younger you'll want someone he can look up to and he knows respects his mum
I think this is sheer laziness on your boyfriends part and to be honest you worth more than someone dangling you on a string for years

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 03/02/2018 08:24

Nope, he isn't worth a damn. From the outside it doesn't even sound like a relationship, he just turns up when it's convenient for him, takes what he can from you and buggers off!
You and your son do not need a drain like that in your life.
I wouldn't even get angry anymore, dump him by text, block, and congratulate yourself in ending his leeching.Flowers

Shimmershimmerandshine · 03/02/2018 08:27

I think you want different things and that he isn't really after sharing his life with you. It doesn't make him a bad person or worthy of judgement about empirical stunting etc imo but it's how it is. And it isn't coincidence that it's a difficult time because it's made you realise. I think you need to end it.

Shimmershimmerandshine · 03/02/2018 08:27

Emotional not empirical Hmm

redexpat · 03/02/2018 08:28

A friend suggested that I shouldn't be making important life decisions whilst in this state of mind Im not sure I agree in this instance. I often think when shit goes down its a pretty good way to find out who your friends are. And he is not among yours.

Chocolate123 · 03/02/2018 08:41

This is not a relationship this is a guy who suits himself and lets you run ragged. He's no support to you at all . Leave now

DarthNigel · 03/02/2018 08:44

What are the positives of the relationship? I can't see any but maybe there are some you haven't mentioned?
He doesn't sound very considerate or very nice tbh.

MrsExpo · 03/02/2018 08:47

Yes, definitely get rid and do it now. You live separate lives in your own homes so a simple text message and block. Allow yourself some time to get over the upset of your sons illness and free yourself up to find someone who actually cares. He’s a user.

Rudgie47 · 03/02/2018 08:58

Just text him now and say your through wih him and ask him never to conatct you again. Job done.
This behaviour would be bad from a friend let alone someone who is spposed to be a partner.
To me you have no relationship with him, hes like an aquaintance.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2018 09:04

He sounds like the epitome of Mr Unavailable and you are his fallback girl.

What are you getting out of this so called relationship, what is in this at all for you?. I would also seriously consider what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up too.

You are worth far more than the crumbs he has given you and in turn your son. Block and delete this chancer.

Clutterbugsmum · 03/02/2018 09:11

I wouldn't even bother texting him now, I would be spending my time concentrating on my ds getting better, work and home.

Then in a week or 2 if he hasn't contacted you I would box all his things up and take them to his house and collect your belongings from his and not contact him again.

BuckingFrolicks2 · 03/02/2018 09:28

The answer is no.

ferrier · 03/02/2018 09:34

Redexpat has it. Your crisis has highlighted his lack of caring.
Look after your son and yourself; only give him a second chance if he shows genuine remorse and don't give him a third chance.

SandyY2K · 03/02/2018 09:44

The relationship isn't going anywhere from what I can see. It's more like a casual thing with you cooking his packed lunches...

Do you go out together?
Socialise with friends?
What do you get out if it? Sex? Company?

Do you actually communicate on the 5 days you don't see each other?

Original poster
MotherofDragons48 · 03/02/2018 11:45

In the summer we go walking but he doesn't like going out in the winter. We don't really socialize with others at pubs and clubs because he complains about people smoking. We don't go far because he complains about the stress of driving (I can't afford to drive) . He walks to mine most weekends as he gets stressed about the parking/people damaging his car when it's parked near my house. He complains about not having time to himself because he has to leave the house every weekend. He says my son (he's 16 ) should be doing more for himself and needs to get out more and that we can't live together because he can't cope with the idea of living with a teenager.......omg what the @#£% am I DOING??????

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherofDragons48 · 03/02/2018 11:50

Soooo I messaged him and told him I was angry and why. He says he can't see the problem and what did I expect him to do? You know that moment when you ask yourself "am I being unreasonable?" I did say that he'd had a bug and that I didn't want my son to catch it after being ill but what's wrong with saying " I'm going shopping, I can get you some stuff and leave it on the doorstep because I want to at least do something " But no, not even that? IS IT ME?????

OP posts:
newnamechange84 · 03/02/2018 11:55

Get out of it. He sounds like an actual waste of space, a man-child - he'll never grow up properly. You'll be better off with someone else, or even in your own.

highinthesky · 03/02/2018 11:56

LTB.

He probably won’t even notice.