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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it worth being in this relationship?

68 replies

MotherofDragons48 · 02/02/2018 21:11

Have been with OH for 5 years and have separate homes. He's very set in his ways but only works two days a week where as I am full time but I only see him at weekends. He comes over to my place mostly every week and keeps saying he's going to clean his place up so I can go there ( only been round a handful of times since we got together) . I cook for myself and my son during the week and usually freeze what's left over so OH to take it to work for lunch. This week however despite my having the week from hell I haven't seen him! He could have waited 30 mins after fininshing his shopping and given me a lift home from work but instead decided
to get home asap to avoid the traffic! To add insult to injury he didn't bother to ask if I needed anything! My son was in hospital last week and all I got was a one line message saying he was in the right place and sure the docs would sort it! I'm just not sure if he's actually that bothered and if I should continue investing in this relationship?

OP posts:

Original poster

MotherofDragons48 · 04/02/2018 14:22

He's been round and got his stuff and then just threw the keys at me and left. He said he couldn't believe I was doing this ? But I didn't, he did this! So I'm single and have reached for the chocolate . I was actually at the gym when hr came round which says a lot I guess. This week is going to be hard because I have to tell my son and other people and then come to terms with it all myself. Only one night a week but it was all I had. Then again, better to be alone than lonely .

OP posts:

Itsalottery · 04/02/2018 14:36

Hang in there. Try and arrange some nice things to look forward to. Ending a relationship is horrid even if you know it's the right thing to do x

Original poster

MotherofDragons48 · 04/02/2018 18:15

Thanks x It's a bit like quitting smoking ? I'm struggling a bit to do stuff on my own that is would normally do with OH . Daft things, watching stuff on TV , shopping for groceries, even relaxing on the sofa. It's ridiculous isn't it?

OP posts:

cherryontopp · 04/02/2018 18:43

Definitely not ridiculous, its normal.

Even when someone knows ending a relationship is the right thing to do, people focus on the few good things about the relationship, the routine and just the safety net of being in a long term relationship.

But it all passes, you'll look on this back and wonder what the hell you saw in him and hoe much time you've wasted on him -i know i did.

Original poster

MotherofDragons48 · 04/02/2018 19:40

You're right, I know that. If everything was all good I wouldn't have even considered ending it! It officially ended this morning, it's a bit early to be thinking about better days isn't it.

OP posts:

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 04/02/2018 20:34

You really are a strong, inspirational woman op

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/02/2018 20:42

It's never too soon to think about better days, MotherofDragons! Keep your chin up.

Original poster

MotherofDragons48 · 04/02/2018 21:05

Ruddygreattiger2016 what make you say that? I'm actually not but you're very kind x

OP posts:

cherryontopp · 04/02/2018 21:10

MotherofDragons, it is inspirational.

Its a lot harder to walk away from an unfufilling relationship than a bad one.

ferrier · 04/02/2018 23:24

You are strong and inspirational because you've done what a lot of us should do but don't have the courage to.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 04/02/2018 23:45

As others have said, you identified it wasn't working for you, bit the bullet and dealt with it. As women we are conditioned to put up with shitty men but you have made a stand. Really hope this inspires other women to do the same.
You and ds will be just fine

SandyY2K · 05/02/2018 00:32

It sounds like he lacks emotional intelligence. He just doesn't get it.

Tired after 2 days at work? Sounds like the two days he was seeing you were a hassle for him...or an inconvenience.

You're well rid.

Original poster

MotherofDragons48 · 05/02/2018 08:13

Wow! Never thought about it in this terms! Me, an inspiration! Who knew??? Xxx

OP posts:

FlibFlabFlob · 05/02/2018 08:36

You're much better off without him OP!

I agree, a week or two of feeling a bit miserable and then you'll be fine. Sounds like you'll just be missing company rather than HIS company.

Can you try to get out a bit more with friends at the weekend? Or even take DS out somewhere as a distraction?

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2018 13:12

Well done OP.
You had that light-bulb moment and you sorted it out.
Better things are around the corner.
Spend some time with family and friends.
Get out and about.
Keep busy.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2018 13:15

If all you are is weekend sex and dinner, he needs to be explosive in bed and a star in the kitchen. He clearly wasn't. Glad you've moved on

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/02/2018 13:45

Sorry to hear about your son OP, that must have been terrifying. I can imagine his lack of support really stung at the time. Agree with everyone else that you deserve more than this. How old you son? If it helps, I had one grand mal seizure aged about 24, never had another one before or since.

Focus on getting your son well and looking after yourself. I think you've done yourself a favour.

Emmageddon · 05/02/2018 15:10

I hope your son is okay. As for your former partner, I think you have done exactly the right thing in ending it. He wasn't a keeper, he didn't really give a shit. Bide your time and someone you deserve will be along, someone who will interact with you and your son, be there for you 24/7 and not just one sodding night a week. Good luck

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