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Original poster

Aibu? In laws.

76 replies

newnameneeded29 · 01/02/2018 11:54

I really don't like my inlaws. Never have. Never will. They probably don't like me either. That's fine.

We moved house early December and dh invited them to come and see the house on Saturday. Lunch and a couple of hours with them I can just about handle. Dh text me this morning to say they're actually staying until Monday.

Surely, surely he'd have discussed it with me before making the invitation??

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 01/02/2018 11:58

If your DH gets on with them, he's perfectly entitled, it's his home too.

Original poster
newnameneeded29 · 01/02/2018 11:59

Without outing myself. It's not. I bought the house entirely.

OP posts:
OakIsBetterTho · 01/02/2018 12:01

He probably should have mentioned it but no, I don't think he should have to ask you whether it's okay. Whether he contributed financially or not, the two of you are married and you live together so it's his home too. Your attitude is a very odd one.

perpetuallybewildered · 01/02/2018 12:01

He may not own it but surely it’s still his home.

Northumberlandlass · 01/02/2018 12:02

You referred to him as your DH, is it therefore not a marital asset? Is he on the deeds?
They are his parents, it is your marital home. Regardless of who paid for it.

I do think he should have discussed it with you btw, but not because it's YOUR house. I find a strange thing to say.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 01/02/2018 12:03

Surely anyone would discuss it with their partner before issuing an invitation?

And don't you have to go away for work round about then? Grin

PotteringAlong · 01/02/2018 12:03

Just because you paid for it doesn’t mean it’s not his home. I’m beginning to get an inkling of why they might not like you, if that’s your attitude towards their son...

Graphista · 01/02/2018 12:08

" I’m beginning to get an inkling of why they might not like you, if that’s your attitude towards their son..."

True - it's his home even if not his house and as you're married you really should know he will want his parents to stay sometimes.

But I do think he should have discussed it with you, although I suspect he didn't because you would've just said a blanket no?

I got on OK with my now ex-in laws (how my ex came from them I do not know) but my parents are a flipping nightmare and I wouldn't inflict them on anyone without a good bit of notice.

Original poster
newnameneeded29 · 01/02/2018 12:10

No he's not on the deeds. I bouht it before we married recently. This is all by the by.

I'd never invite people to stay over without checking with him first.

OP posts:
TuckMyWin · 01/02/2018 12:10

Er hang on, it cuts both ways. I too am not keen on the OP's 'I paid for it therefore it's my house not his' statement, but if it's his home, it's hers too, and it's surely common courtesy to let the other inhabitants of your home know when you invite people to stay for 2 or 3 days?

ObscuredbyFog · 01/02/2018 12:14

Does he expect you to just magic all that out of thin air? Well now's his chance to learn the practicalities of having guests.

Get him to get the guest room ready, plan all the meals and buy extra food for them, clean the house from top to bottom, organise their visit with trips out.

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 01/02/2018 12:19

No rule says you have to stay in and host. ...

lackingimagination · 01/02/2018 12:20

OP I don't think you've helped yourself by wording your post in that way, you won't get good responses. Had you simply have asked 'I don't particularly get on with my in-laws and DH has invited them to stay for 2 nights without asking me, AIBU to be annoyed?' I think you would be getting very different feedback.

timeisnotaline · 01/02/2018 12:22

I’d expect to be consulted and vice versa. I’d honestly make plans if I didn’t like my in laws and had this sprung on me.

timeisnotaline · 01/02/2018 12:22

As in going out /away plans not ending the marriage in case that’s not clear!

4seasons · 01/02/2018 12:23

I remember similar incidents well ! ( my ILs are both dead now ... and I did get along with them ). Stay calm and pleasant with your DH but as soon as you can have a face to face discussion with him explain that it would have been good manners to have discussed their visit with you. Say that on this occasion you'll go along with it ( to avoid unpleasantness) but that he is totally responsible for the practicalities of their visit.... food, cooking,making up beds etc. You weren't asked about their length of visit so why should you do all the work involved in it ? Stay seriously calm because if you don't he will throw it back at you and you will be made to feel guilty / unreasonable.... general gaslighting as he will know he should have discussed it with you.
I had years of this ... ILs being invited for a couple of days , then 3/4 days , then 4/5 . Quite often my DH would be at work for at least part of their visit ( how convenient!) and I spent almost every half term , end of term holiday having them to visit or going to visit them. Finally , if a visit was due I would simply ask what he had planned , acted stupid / indecisive about meals to be cooked . He simply had to step up . Strangely enough he then started to book short hotel breaks where we could all meet up .... no work involved for anyone !!! Sort this out before he begins to make this a regular occurrence. A bit of plain speaking is needed. You have my sympathy .

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/02/2018 12:23

You married him. ‘Everything I have I share with you’ - don’t all marriage ceremonies have something like that?

I feel awful for him that he has to live in a home where he’s a second class citizen to his own wife. Do you make other rules for him or just whether his family are allowed to visit?

I would always feel I could invite my mum stay without having to check wth my DH because I know he’d never say no and vice versa.

viques · 01/02/2018 12:32

he might not be on the deeds, but when he and his parents bury you under the patio it will be his house.

Blackteadrinker77 · 01/02/2018 12:33

He has the right to invite his parents but a decent husband would have checked with you first in my opinion.

Why do you dislike them so much?

viques · 01/02/2018 12:33

Oops, forgot the smiley face thing. Smile

Chugalug · 01/02/2018 12:33

Have you given him half your house by getting married? Or is it legally still yours

Jux · 01/02/2018 12:33

If you're married, it's his house too, whether he's on the Deeds or not.

Chugalug · 01/02/2018 12:35

So if you get divorced he gets half a house...or did you get a pre nup

Original poster
newnameneeded29 · 01/02/2018 12:36

I have a prenup.

Seriously forget the ownership of the house.

He made plans without asking me but instead just told me xyz is happening.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 01/02/2018 12:37

What would your compromise be?

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