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Original poster

Aibu? In laws.

76 replies

newnameneeded29 · 01/02/2018 11:54

I really don't like my inlaws. Never have. Never will. They probably don't like me either. That's fine.

We moved house early December and dh invited them to come and see the house on Saturday. Lunch and a couple of hours with them I can just about handle. Dh text me this morning to say they're actually staying until Monday.

Surely, surely he'd have discussed it with me before making the invitation??

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 01/02/2018 14:03

Oh yes DO.

Then whizz to Homebase, buy some paint, strip out the spare bedroom (or wherever they would stay) and get to work splashing around.

Seriously though - you've just got married, and your 'D'H thinks it's just fine to play Mr Bountiful and invite people he knows you find difficult to stay over the weekend without even running it by you?

You are going to have problems, so I suggest it might be easier and less stressful to lose your shit right away, instead of having a couple of years of complete arsery and then losing it anyway. Do you care if you offend people who are happy to lock you in the loo?

hellsbellsmelons · 01/02/2018 14:07

WTAF???
She locked in a toilet?
I hope you managed to break the door down?
I know if I'd been locked in there, it would certainly have had a lot of damage done to it!!!
Yes - go to your parents this time and and make it very clear to DH that if he pulls something like this ever again he will be kicked out and not be allowed back!

ConfusedButInLove · 01/02/2018 14:09

Tell him to get them to book a hotel.
Regardless of the finances, It's common courtesy to discuss with your partner situations like this.
And why should you leave your own Home, for the in laws to use and abuse.
You dh is so disrespectful to you.
Have you asked him why he didn't speak to you first?

OutToGetYou · 01/02/2018 14:11

You moved on Dec and have got married since then, yet they've not seen your house?

Pre nups don't have legal standing in the UK.

But anyway, he should have checked. But he didn't. So either tell him to uninvited them, or go away yourself. Or leave him, before then.

Jaxinthebox · 01/02/2018 14:22

I think we need more on the history of this. Why did they lock you in a loo? Was it by accident?

He should have discussed it with you - regardless of whether his name is on the deeds or not. Its courtesy. Id make myself unavailable this weekend.

Blackteadrinker77 · 01/02/2018 16:17

Have you asked him why he agreed without speaking to you?

It is his home to so he can have visitors but he should have discussed it. That would even annoy me and I love my MIL.

I just don't want my life decided for me.

MrsBertBibby · 01/02/2018 16:31

Prenups are capable of being followed in England & Wales. The cases of Radmacher v Granatino in 2010 made that clear, as did Luckwell v Limata in 2014.

OutToGetYou · 01/02/2018 16:45

Yes they are "capable of being followed", that is not the same as having actual legal standing.
A judge will look at a case on all its merits, and may still judge the property to be a marital asset regardless of the pre nup, depending on the circumstances at the time.

MrsBertBibby · 01/02/2018 16:56

Well I'll defer to Mr Justice Holman in Limata.

I said at the outset of this judgment that the law is not difficult to state. Such agreements must always be given weight, and often decisive weight as part of the circumstances of the case. They may affect not only whether to make any award at all, but also the size and the structure of any award

That really isn't "No legal standing" is it?

Whatwouldkeithrichardsdo · 01/02/2018 17:04

You would be wise to put effort in to your marriage and that means playing the game with regards to his parents. It's a weekend. Not the hill to die on.

He should have discussed it with you first but I'd definitely be a pains to make sure my husband knows it is his home.

They are his parents so definitely expect him to be the one cooking, catering and entertaining.

And if you really can't stand them then take yourself out once or twice. Break up the exposure.

notanurse2017 · 01/02/2018 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 01/02/2018 17:13

Locked you in the loo???!!!! Nobody locks a loo door from the outside by mistake, or do you have a really weird locking mechanism. Did you hear? Did you call out? What on earth was she thinking?

Did she apologise - grimly or with remorse?

Have you reminded your dh that she did that?

Yes, I would be thinking very very hard about letting someone who'd done that to me in my house again.

Whatwouldkeithrichardsdo · 01/02/2018 17:13

Oh and if his parents are malicious then you need to be really clever and stay one step ahead.

Cordial. Polite. Brisk.

Let their shit slide off.

MrsBertBibby · 01/02/2018 17:17

OP we need to know more about loo-gate.

LeeLou456 · 01/02/2018 17:22

YANBU, regardless of whether you like them or not, he should have discussed this with you first. Does he know how you feel about your in law's?

SandyY2K · 01/02/2018 22:04

I don't check if my parents can stay in our house. I inform my DH that they are coming on X date and will be staying for X number of days.

SandAndSea · 01/02/2018 22:32

What happened after she locked you in the loo and went out? Has that been discussed and worked through? Did she apologise?

Gazelda · 01/02/2018 22:43

I'd have no qualms about telling them to cancel the invite to stay over, until you have resolved the loo locking incident.
How on earth did that happen, and has it been spoken about since?

Jux · 01/02/2018 22:56

Sandy have either of your parents locked your dh in the loo and gone out? If they haven't then your dh probably doesn't have cause to refuse them hospitality.

gingergenius · 01/02/2018 23:02

'Oh dear what can tje matter be? Newnameneeded locked in the lavatory!'...

Sorry op couldn't resist!

I wouldn't want my (now) ex mil here either without discussion.

I second a bright and breezy "so DH, which hotel are they staying in?"

iheartmichellemallon · 01/02/2018 23:14

He should have discussed it with you - tell him anything more than dinner is not suitable so he'll have to rescind the invitation (he can pay for them to stay in a hotel if he wants to).

Jux · 01/02/2018 23:30

Play IL Bingo with yourself, and every time a gem issues from their lips score it off your mental board. You can allow a enigmatically disturbing to play upon your lips while you gaze into the distance marking up your mental board. It will drive them bonkers.

Jux · 01/02/2018 23:33

Or observe them as if they were a new species of, not repellant but not awfully interesting either, insect. Do not rise to them. Just turn your "hmm strange sort of pond skater there" look on them.

SandyY2K · 02/02/2018 13:31

Jux
Sandy have either of your parents locked your dh in the loo and gone out? If they haven't then your dh probably doesn't have cause to refuse them hospitality.

No they haven't. Assuming that was a deliberate action...I wouldn't want them to visit, never mind stay the night.

I didn't see that when I replied and it would have been helpful to lay out the facts in the first post.

Graphista · 02/02/2018 18:09

Sandy I still think it's common courtesy to discuss not tell the other occupant of a home of visitors.

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